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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
“I don’t think you should move back to Scranton.”

Jim could swear his heart stopped. Literally banged to a halt in his chest and any minute now, he would be unconscious on the floor and Dwight would be trying to perform CPR.

And in all honesty, that might be a more tolerable experience than this.

“Jim is in Scranton,” he heard Pam say.

The voices screamed in his head through a rush of white noise:

“Tell her you need her. Tell her to come home to you.”
“You hated how Roy held her back. You hated that he wanted her all to himself.”

He’d hated that Roy had her, that was the honest-to-god truth. He heard Alex’s (god, could the dude be any more obvious?) voice through the rush in his head.

“You can’t do New York in three months.”

Pam exhaled. A long, deep sigh, letting out all her air. Jim held all of his in.

“How long?”

“What?” Alex-the-douchebag asked. Jim had only recently determined him as a douchebag.

“How long do you think it takes to “do” New York?” He could hear the irritation in Pam’s voice, but there was an uncertainty there too. Jim’s eyes flicked to the wastebasket under his desk. His stomach was churning and he needed the trashcan in grabbing range, just in case.

“Pam, why are you…” apparently Alex could note the tension in Pam’s voice too, plus the added benefit of seeing her face.

“Come on, Alex,” she said, trying to stay calm, “it was always only going to be three months. The program ends next week. I only have a part-time job here, I get kicked out of the dorm…”

“You can crash with me,” Alex said. “You can find a job.”

Jim miraculously opened his mouth without throwing up. “Wow,” he allowed himself to say aloud, rewarding himself for the miracle. “He has got some huge balls.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he was nauseous again. Because, what if Pam didn’t think it was too ballsy? What if she was intrigued by the offer? What if she was intrigued by this other man?

“What’s your angle?” he heard her say.

“What angle?” Alex said, sounding too innocent and too defensive all at once. “I just know how much you love New York. The Met, BAM, Gramercy, sketching at Riverside Park…”

“Yeah,” Pam agreed, “all those places we went are great.”

Jim’s heart sank. “We.” The places Pam had gone to with Alex. He remembered suggesting they visit the Metropolitan Museum of Art one weekend when he’d visited. She’d rewarded his thoughtfulness with a kiss and then said, “Oooh, that’s a great idea, but I was just there on Wednesday.”

She hadn’t mentioned a companion.

She was still talking.

“Do you remember what I said, at every place?”

Jim held his breath. He didn’t really need to. Exhaling or inhaling wasn’t really within his power at the moment.

“I wish Jim were here.” Alex’s tone was almost condescending. “I know, Pam. I’m just saying if there’s a tiny part of you that wants to stay in New York…”

“And there’s a bigger part of me that wants to go home to Jim,” she interrupted.

He couldn’t let himself feel relieved. Not yet. And the truth is, he didn’t know how he would feel if he thought he was holding her back. He wasn’t that guy. They weren’t that couple.

“Look,” he heard Alex say. “You told me about the ex-fiance, the one who held you back. If Jim’s as great as you say he is, wouldn’t he want you to have the best you can have?”

He actually heard Pam’s teeth grind. “He does,” she said tightly.

It should have made him feel better, but her tone just made him hear other words, words from long ago: “I’m fine with my choices.”

“Don’t you want,” Alex’s voice has taken on a soft, luring quality. Jim had only been in three fights in his lifetime, but he wanted to punch this guy in the face. “…to know you didn’t miss out on any experiences?”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Pam’s voice was sharp.

“Pam.” Jim’s voice was concerned. As much as he was selfishly scared right now, that alarmed tone in her voice made him worry.

“Pam…” Alex’s voice was low, pleading.

“Don’t you take another step,” Jim heard her order, sternly. “You stay exactly where you are.”

What the hell?

“Pam, what the hell?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

“I just don’t want you to miss out on anything because of an obligation to marry Jim.”

If he was honest with himself, that’s what he was afraid of becoming. An obligation. An honorable commitment. A…Roy.

“I don’t have an obligation to marry Jim,” Pam all but spat. “I have a desire to marry him.”

I love her, Jim thought, but his stomach still churned.

“Are you sure?’ Alex said, in a tone that clearly stated he didn’t want her to answer. “Can he really give you the kind of life you want?”

Any minute now. Any minute, his heart was going to explode.

He heard a click, then silence.

“Pam?” Jim pressed the button on the Bluetooth. “Pam?”

Dial tone.

He couldn’t make it all the way into the men’s room. So he threw up in the sink in the break room instead. Fortunately, no one else was in there.

Once he’d rinsed out both his mouth and the sink, he dialed her number again, his stomach still doing back handsprings.

“This is Pam, leave a message.”

He hung up with clammy hands. What the hell was he going to say to her voicemail? He didn’t even know what he wanted to say, or what he should say.

He told Michael he was sick and went home, his head in such a black cloud he wasn’t entirely sure how he got there. He just hoped he hadn’t killed any children, nuns or puppies on his way.

Drinking seemed like a marvelous idea. So did getting back in his car and driving directly to New York and begging Pam not to leave him for the big city and an art-loving douchebag. Instead he sat dumbly on his couch, trying to think about what to do, the white noise louder than before. His eyes drifted shut, too heavy to stay open.

“I am starving,” he heard, and his eyes flew open. She was standing in front of him, her hands on her hips. “And gas prices suck. You’re totally springing for pizza tonight. Why aren’t you at the office?”

Please god, he prayed silently, please don’t let this be an illusion.

“Not an illusion, Eli Stone.”

Okay, maybe the prayer hadn’t been silent after all.

“Pam…” he wanted to rush to her, grab her, lift her off her feet and kiss her deeper than the ocean, but his fear held his feet in place. He could feel them being sucked to the floor, the way the undertow sucked his feet into the sand when he was a little kid and would stand at the water’s edge during those summer beach trips his family took to Cape Cod.

“Aren’t you going to kiss me?” Her voice sounded small.

“Pam…” he needed to know. He needed to hear it first. If he had her in his arms and she didn’t want to be there forever…

She shook her head. “I’m coming home,” she said quietly. “It was never a question.”

He still couldn’t move. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re not happy.”

Her eyes filled. “You’re the reason I am happy. Why do you think I almost killed a puppy and a nun on my way here?”

Jim choked on a laugh. He was so in love with her. “And a small child?”

“With special needs.”

“Wow, Beesly,” he exclaimed, “what has New York done to you?”

She shrugged sheepishly, walking toward him. “See?” she said. “I need to come home.”

She reached for him and he wrapped her up, pressing her cheek to his chest.

“I don’t want to hold you back,” he murmured. “I don’t want you obliged or feeling like you don’t have the life you want.” All the words he’d heard were falling out of his mouth. “I know how much you love New York.”

“I do,” she replied, and he could feel her breath through his shirt as she spoke the words. “But it’s not the life I want.” She pulled back to gaze up at him. “Not without you.”

His heart fluttered in his chest and he leaned down to brush a kiss over her lips and another on her forehead. He cradled her head, pressing it back to his chest. He knew she could hear the pounding of his heart. Ba-boom. Ba-boom.

“I could talk to Wallace,” he suggested quietly. “See if I can get something at corporate?”

His parents would understand. His dad had followed his mother to Chicago the year she went to graduate school and worked as a janitor when he couldn’t get a better job, just to be near her. And that was before they were even engaged. They would understand. Maybe if he could make more money at corporate, he could afford to buy their house anyway, if they lived simply in New York. Maybe his brothers would even help him.

Pam’s head was moving back and forth beneath his hand.

“No,” she was saying, “not yet.”

“Pam…”

“ I’m not ready,” she said. “I love it, and I love you for saying that, but I’m not ready to be a full time New Yorker yet. I’m not ready for the job market there. I’m not even ready to leave Michael and Dwight and the whole crazy office on a permanent basis.”

“Wow,” he pressed his cheek to her forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

“I just want to be with you,” she replied quietly.

Jim sighed and stroked her hair. “Me too,” he said. “But I want you to have everything you want to have. And I’ll go anywhere. I’d go anywhere, as long as it’s with you.”

“I know,” she whispered gratefully. “Me too.”

“We don’t have to stay in Scranton forever,” he promised. “We can go anywhere.”

She melted into him a little bit more. “I love you,” she said in response to his promise.

“Just say when, okay?”

“I will,” she murmured. “You too.”

He sighed, and the beat of his heart kept on slowing back to its normal pace. He kept her in his arms, one hand cupping her head. They swayed slightly.

“Pam?” he murmured.

“Hmmm?” Her voice was calm, satiated, almost sleepy.

“Want to try the barbecue chicken pizza?”
Chapter End Notes:
This is my first Office fanfic. Reviews are appreciated.


andtheivy is the author of 17 other stories.
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