Story Notes:
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, settings, etc. Instead, I'm a poor college student writing fan fiction. No copyright infringement intended.
The silence is deafening. She wishes he would just say something. Instead, they both end up doing what they do best; they ignore the problem. She is aware that he heard every single word Alex said. She wants to say something to stop his worrying, but at this moment, no words come to mind. In reality, she doesn’t know what to say to stop herself from stressing out. She is suddenly overwhelmed by this new option, new world of opportunity that she never allowed herself to think about. Obviously, Jim is in Scranton. She knows she will always feel at home at Scranton. New York is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Yes, she has spent the last 3 months living up the New York lifestyle, but Alex is right. What is she going to do after this? What was the point of going thousands of dollars in debt if she was just going to go back to Scranton after three months? The graphic design business is not really a hopping business in a small town like Scranton, PA.
She suddenly feels like she can’t breathe. It’s all too much information at once. She hates making decisions. Jim of all people should know this. It took her months to call off a wedding that she knew she didn’t want. Pam Beesly may be becoming more independent, but old habits die hard. She has never been a very decisive person. As the time ticks away, she knows she is making things more uncomfortable between her and Jim. The last word either one of them has spoken was Jim’s sudden “Don’t” which she is still unsure what he was referring to. Was he trying to send her the message that he needs her back in Scranton? Was he just trying to get Dwight out of his ear? Again, the thoughts just keep on coming and she doesn’t know how to stop them. She wants to get off this spiraling ride in her mind.
“Um, Pam. I, uh, gotta go. Dwight is looking even more suspicious than normal,” Jim says, interrupting her thoughts.
“But Jim—“
“We’ll talk later, okay?”
“No,” Pam demands.
She rushes out of the corporate office and into an abandon hallway. They need to be alone. She knows how easy it is for them to avoid things, but it’s especially easy when they are hundreds of miles apart. She can not be left all by herself with these cluttered thoughts. She needs to know what he’s thinking and needs him more than ever. He’s always been the one to push her to make decisions. He can not leave her now.
She listens as he walks out of the office.
“What do you want me to say Pam? I mean it’s quite obvious that staying in New York is the better decision,” Jim admits with a sigh.
“But Jim, it’s not fair to you. You’ve been forced to stay put while I’m off doing whatever the hell I want. When the hell do you get to do what you want?” she asks.
“For as long as I could remember, the only thing I’ve wanted in my life is you and I’ve got it. Why else do you think I ended up at a paper supply company? I have never had dreams. I don’t know what I want out of life and it’s a little too late for me to figure them out. All I know is I’m pretty damn happy with you.”
Despite the words he’s saying, she hears hesitation and regret in his voice. She can’t tell if he regrets his career decisions or if he’s hesitant to push her towards more time in New York. And with that, yet more worries and thoughts enter her mind. What if he regrets his life choices? Why is she wasting all this time “finding herself” when he should at least have a chance of figuring out what he wants with his life? Is she being selfish? A relationship is a compromise. She feels as if he’s compromising too much just for her. Is he really happy with his life? She decides that they need to talk about him for once and takes a deep breath.
“Jim, are you—“
And suddenly there is no sound. She looks down at her phone and realizes her battery died. Timing has never been their strong suit.
Later that night, she decides to call him back. Neither one of them want to get back into their serious conversation. They both know they should discuss the issues that lie ahead. Instead, they just idly chat as if nothing had happened that day and hope that by maybe if they can put off the problem for another day that it will go away. They have become masters at this game of avoidance.
Chapter End Notes:
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birdcage is the author of 3 other stories.
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