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It used to bother her when Roy feel asleep on the couch instead of sleeping in bed next to her. The queen size mattress was so big without someone else in it, and Pam had dreams of drifting, lost and alone, on some dark ocean. She curled up with a pillow and tried to ignore the coldness seeping over from Roy's side of the bed.
Then it started happening more and more, and one morning she woke up and realized that she was sleeping in the middle of the bed, instead of faithfully staying on her half. It bothered her all day, but mostly only because she knew it should bother her more than it really did. That night, Pam stretched out, spread eagled on the mattress. She woke up smiling.
When Roy came to bed the next night, Pam tried not to resent him for it. But his nighttime noises were so loud, and she couldn't fall asleep. When she finally dozed off, she dreamed of being trapped in a hole somewhere dark, the blackness pushing down on her, making it hard to breathe. She woke with Roy's arm slung loosely around her waist, his breath tickling her neck. Pam tried to enjoy it, but mostly she just wished for space.
The next night, she forced Roy to sit through hours of reality TV she had on Tivo, even though he hated it. He passed out sometime between Dancing with the Stars and The Bachelor. She got ready for bed feeling equal parts relief and shame. She rationalized that having the bed to herself was a hard-earned reward, an indulgence after a long day, just a guilty pleasure.
(Of course, it was best not to think about guilty pleasures right before bed, because naturally her mind traveled to her other guilty pleasure. It was a very bad idea to think about that and then lay down to dream.)
Three weeks, two kisses, and one blue dress later, Roy was gone and the bed was all hers for good. Her mom warned her that the nights would be hardest. Pam thought they were the easiest. Compared to her long, empty days (which had almost no pleasure, guilty or otherwise), the nights were easy.
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Story Notes:
This is just an angsty little thing that I experimented with.
Author's Chapter Notes:
None of it is mine.
Chapter End Notes:
This hits me a little close to home right now, so reviews are especially appreciated.
