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Story Notes:
Disclaimer: I do not own Jim Halpert or Pam Beesly, or anything else Office related. However, the owning of John Krasinski could be arranged, mmmm . . .
This (how I would like it to be) is going to be a fourshot. HOWEVER, there will be an optional ending for certain people. You'll see . . . and I'd bet right now that most of you will be glad for that number five.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Just setting up here, short. Have fun! Or, well . . . not. I mean, hello, it's angst.

one: what must be done
Everything happens for a reason.

Larissa Halpert had impressed that message on her son when he had fallen off his bike at age ten (now he knew how to be more careful and, while hurtling down a hill, to brake before he reached the garage door), when his favorite television show had been canceled at fourteen (he had been spending too much time with the TV, was growing apart from his friends), and when he met Pamela Beesly, the pretty receptionist at his job.

"Honey, there's a reason she's in your life. She might be a good friend, or she could be more. Believe it or not, there's even a reason she's engaged. Everything will work out, you'll see."

What had he seen? Not that everything works out, for damn sure. If anything, the words now pumping continually through his wanting, needing brain are not now not ever. Not now not ever.

Things are not always fine. Situations do not always end in happiness, the two love interests skipping off into the sunset. There's obstacles and trials, and rings that don't belong.

If everything happens for a reason, then, what could be the possible explanation for the hell she's putting him through?

The echoes of a distant I can't flood his consciousness, and when he sleeps to escape he dreams of her lips on his, murmuring his name in want. There is no help for the condemned.

He thinks he understands, now. Love is condemnation. Love is disappointment. Love is pain.

To love is to die.

The truth of this is staggering, heavier than he can hold. Love, in his life, was always something magical. Pain ends, souls glisten spotlessly, bliss is known, and stars at night glimmer just a bit more. To find that this is nothing short of childish hope results in a large bruise across his knuckles and a frustratingly unblemished wall.

The way he regarded her, he knows, was ridiculously angelic and optimistic. The fantasies of the things she would say all seem out of control and unrealistic, especially since no matter the words her lips form, all he hears is those two timid words.

He'd gone in for a doctor's appointment three days earlier. The check-up nurse had smiled, commenting that his heart seemed to be in excellent condition. While she read off his blood pressure, sugar, and beats per minute, and other things that might have made sense to him if he had cared, his eyes fixed blankly down, at his bare chest. His heart.

"Mr. Halpert?" the nurse inquired softly. "Are you all right?"

Jim hesitated for asking tentatively, "My heart?"

"Yes, it's doing wonderfully for your age. Fantastic health."

" . . . How do you know?" His gaze rose, locked seriously on the nurse's eyes.

The question clearly took her off guard. "Well, sir, I--I just did the tests. Are you sure you're fine? You look kind of pale."

A tear raced down his cheek, shocking the nurse. She hadn't even reached for the syringes.

"How can you test something that's not there?"

---
Remembering the moment, Jim decides.

He's going to regain his heart.



Chapter End Notes:
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elliehalpert is the author of 8 other stories.
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