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Story Notes:
Set on the night of Company Picnic.  Pam can't sleep so she decides to write a letter.  Just something that popped in my head on my walk home from work.  I hope it came out all right.
Author's Chapter Notes:

Set on the night of Company Picnic.  Pam can't sleep so she decides to write a letter.  Just something that popped in my head on my walk home from work.  I've wanted to write first person Pam for a while.  I hope it came out all right.

Disclaimer:  Not mine.  Not even close.  But I sometimes wish they were.

Hope you enjoy!

xoxoxo

 

May 2009

 

To Whom it May Concern:

 

Dear Baby to be named later:

 

Hi.

I know this is kind of weird - but it's 2:30 in the morning and I can't even begin to think about sleeping.  My mind won't turn off no matter what I try to do.

Today has been...well, quite a day... 

I couldn't sleep and I thought that maybe writing it all down might make it finally sink in and feel - I don't know - more real or something.  Not that I'm that great a writer and not that I don't really believe it's true or...whatever. 

I don't think it's unfair for me to not be exactly rational at the moment.

I guess I'll start at the beginning.  I'll start by telling you what happened today.  This morning Jim, I mean, your dad (seriously?  Just seeing that word is freaking me out) and I went to a picnic.  It was our company's picnic.  We work together - at least we do right now.  That's how we met.

What happened after we met is a really long story.  That's a story I'll save for when you're 17 and (if you're a girl) cursing me for giving you hair that frizzes in the humidity and wondering if anyone will ever notice you. 

Actually come to think of it telling you our story will work if you're a boy too.  

Except the frizzy hair part.  Do boys worry about frizzy hair?  See?  These are the things I don't think the books tell you about.

Speaking of books - we have a pile now on the coffee table.  Seems your father decided we needed to know absolutely everything tonight.  The minute we got in the car he attacked the GPS, found the nearest shopping mall and bought out Barnes and Noble. 

I guess it's a good time to mention that your father?  Yeah - he's a little insane about some stuff.  You might inherit that - but it's a good thing.

I promise.

We got home and he skimmed through every single one of them and that's how we found out that right now you're about the size of a poppy seed.

We think.

You could be a jellybean.

See we're not exactly sure when you started to hang around with us quite yet.  Don't worry.  We're going to find out really soon. 

I'll keep you posted.

So today we went to a picnic and we played volleyball (well I played volleyball - some others tried but failed miserably) and while we were playing I slipped and twisted my ankle.  I was fine but they made me go to the emergency room.  We were going to go real quick and come right back to the game. 

But we never did go back - because while we were there we found out about you.

To say we were surprised is an understatement. 

This is not to say that this is an accident - or that you were an accident.  You know what?  That's a really stupid way to put it.  I know once we tell people about you that's going to come up all the time.  There are some people in this world who are missing the filter between their brain and their mouth. 

Wait till you meet Michael and you'll see exactly what I mean.

You were not at all an accident.  I mean, it's not like we accidentally had sex....

Is that even possible?

OK.  I'm thinking now that you'll never ever read this.  I don't care how old you are I don't think there's ever a time where you're OK with imagining your parents...well...you know. 

Trust me.  I'm thirty and I'm definitely not there yet.

Whether you ever read this or not the point is we were surprised.  Oh - but really, really, really excited.  We had actually been talking about you for a while - just always as something or I guess I should say someone we saw in our future. 

It's a crazy time for us - we just moved into a new house.  I took a huge gamble work wise.  Well - I say gamble, your father says I must have been smoking an illegal substance.  I don't do that and you shouldn't ever either.

Oh my God.  Look at me - I'm lecturing you already!  Sorry! 

But seriously - just say NO

Anyway I wasn't actually earning a paycheck for a while - which worked out ok in the end but we needed to be a little careful with money.  We both agreed that someday you would be part of our lives but we were planning to wait a bit before you got here.

I don't know if this is where I should mention that we aren't exactly married yet.

If you ask me we kind of already are.   We've known each other for years and have been engaged for months.   Just so you know we are planning to get married really soon.  Definitely way before you get here.  As a matter of fact we almost eloped a few weeks ago but I decided I wanted cheesy disco music and not a courthouse in Ohio.

That's another long story.

But anyway, it doesn't even matter.  Everything that's happened today made me realize that in every way that counts we are already married.   I know this is going to sound really sappy, but it's also really true.

That story I'm going to tell you later?  About how we got together?  Well, all I'll say now is based on the way it finally happened I know without question there is no one else in the world I'm meant to be with. 

It's the only thing I really know for sure. I have never in my life loved anyone as much as I love your father. And I know he feels the very same way about me.  

So you've got that going for you.

I probably shouldn't say this but I'm really scared about what's going to happen when you get here.  I know people say you sort of just know what to do when the time comes and I guess maybe I will too.  I promise you I'm going to try my best to be a good mother.  And you know what?  Even if I screw up a little you'll still turn out alright.

I am beyond sure your father is going to be a natural.  I'm sure he's going to be so good at this that I'm going to be insanely jealous. 

I know he'll take the very best care of you. I can tell by the way he takes such good care of me.

That does it.  Now I'm all teary eyed and emotional and suddenly just really tired. Sadly I don't think this is going to be a temporary situation.  At least according to one of your father's many baby books those feelings are going to be around for a while.  I'll guess I'll just have to get used to it.

The good news is I think I can actually sleep now.

I just want to say one more thing.  I know I haven't known about you for more than a few hours but... 

I know I already love you.

So. Much.

Love,

Pam   Mom  


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