Pam stared at the tiny clock at the bottom of her computer in disbelief. How could it be only 9.15am? Seriously, like how? It seemed like she had already been sitting on this ridiculously uncomfortable chair for hours. It felt as if she had been trying to avoid staring at the back of Jim’s neck for days, yet she had been in the office less than an hour. Time always dragged at Dunder Mifflin, but lately Pam felt as if it not only dragged but it had just stopped moving. Like she had been feeling this way for eternity. Like she had always spent her days with a sickness at the pit of her stomach that refused to go away. Like there was never a life before her feelings for him and there would never be one afterwards. She was here. It was now. There was nothing else to know.
She watched as Michael came out of the office and headed for a desk. "Pamela, messages please, ASAP and a coffee, make that a decaf... I’m trying to make it until the PM without caffeine. Jan thinks, well anyway... "
"err," she stumbled, "there are no messages and I don’t make you coffee Michael we went over this like a hundred times? After you kept asking me to get you steak for lunch, remember?"
"No messages for moi? Not even from Jan? Which reminds me she is coming in to say hi later, can you make sure you bring my, uh messages for me in then? All of them, say at least five, If I uh have that many messages in that time, which I will, I mean probably more..."
Pam sighed and shut her eyes.. So this was life. Making up messages for her insane boss so he could look good in front of his girlfriend, who as it goes is actually insane. At least he has someone thought Pam and inwardly recoiled. She was jealous. Of Michael Scott. How do you come back from that?
"... I am one of the top business men in Scranton.. everyone wants a piece of Mr Scott, I am kind of like a helper, almost a charity worker really, that’s how I see myself, you know bringing people the gift of paper, giving my staff the gift of laughter.... don’t you think? Pam? Pam?"
Pam couldn’t believe Michael was still talking and that she had just shut her eyes in front of the whole office to drown him out. That was kind of embarrassing. Even Jim had turned around to give her an inquisitive look.
"Yes,messages got it, now if you don’t mind I’ve really got to get on, I have uh a ton of paper to shred so."
"Oh my god Pamela you are so boring!’ Micheal said as he backed away from the desk, I am going to find someone much cooler to hang out with whilst you do WORK." He practically spat the last word out.
The phone rang and it was Jan. Pam had never been so grateful in her life to transfer the call and see Michael shut the door.
Suddenly her computer pinged with a new email:
From:Jim@salesscranton.dm.com
To:Pam@receptionscranton.dm.com
Subject:Hey
Know it is none of my business but are you ok?
Pam sighed. Where did she begin? She hit the reply button and began to type:
From: Pam@receptionscranton.dm.com
To: Jim@salesscranton.dm.com
Subject:Re:Hey
Let me see am I ok? I have a job that I hate, I live in a stupidly small apartment which still feels too big because I am by myself, the only thing I have is my art, but that just makes me sadder, because nobody, except you even cared that I won an art contest, and most of all I’m lonely. I’m lonely because I wanted to be independent and although I’d never go back to Roy, I feel like I have no one and before I was never lonely, because at least I had you, even if I didn’t have you in that way. Now every night I go to sleep and think about how I blew it. I blew it because I can’t do this by myself, I can’t do this without you.
Pam sighed, wondering how she had managed to precisely pin point her feelings in just a few lines. She was never going to send it, but it felt good, seeing it there, in black and white. A manifestation of the months that had passed.
"Pamela...can I see you for a second?" boomed Michael. Pam jumped and quickly clicked the screen, then made her way to his office, blushing almost as if Michael knew what she was doing.
If she had waited she might have noticed the message that popped up on the sceen a second later. The sent email confirmation. But she was already closing the door behind her by then.
Chapter End Notes:
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