- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Jim professed his love for her and kissed her on Casino Night.

She rejected him and said she was going to marry Roy anyway.

He never showed up at work again – he called in sick (actually, he just e-mailed in sick – he probably couldn't even stand talking to her) and two days later Michael announced Jim's tranfer to Stamford.

A week later she broke off the engagement with Roy, ending a ten year relationship with the only man she had ever been with.

She tried to tell herself it wasn't because of Jim. With all her heart she wanted to convince herself that she and Roy just weren't good for each other and no third party was involved in the decision she made. She didn't want to have cheated emotionally on her fiancé and she certainly didn't want to face the possibility that maybe she had misled Jim or encouraged him in any way when she wasn't single.

That was why she hadn't contacted him yet, even though she cancelled the wedding three days ago.

Besides, he probably hated her now, after she had rejected him twice. Somehow, she couldn't blame him.

Because, let's face it. She was just the worst person in the world.

---

“Pamela!” Michael greeted her from the door. “How are you holding up? Everything okay?”

“I'm fine, Michael,” she answered stiffly. She had a feeling Michael was going to ask her this for the rest of her life, even if she one day managed to finally “land another husband”, as he subtly put it the day before. She knew it was kind of him, but she found herself unable to even remotely appreciate it.

She had broken up with Roy on Saturday, on Sunday she was already living by herself and Roy was at his brother's and on Monday the cat was out of the bag the minute Kelly noticed her ringless finger and squealed loud enough for the corporate in New York to hear her:

“Oh my God, Pam! Did you guys break up?!”

For someone so self-absorbed, that Kelly was certainly very observant.

She didn't want to get into the details just yet, so she only nodded her head and tried to avoid the subject. That was, of course, all in vain. She didn't say she was the one who broke it off, so to her surprise everyone apparently assumed it was Roy's decision, at least judging by their reactions. She could swear Kelly actually turned teary-eyed everytime she spotted Pam, Angela eyed her occasionally with a badly disguised spark of triumph and Kevin had the audacity to ask her if Roy decided to “exchange her for an upgraded model”, the question accompanied by a most indecent giggle.

Michael assumed his best-boss-in-the-world-behavior, inviting her to lunch. She could almost hear the wheels in his head spinning, as he probably wondered whether it was entirely inappropriate to take a woman to Hooters, since she was banned for life at Chili's anyway and it was well known those were his favorite places in Scranton. She politely declined, though, because there's only so much a girl can take in one week. Instead, she ate her mixed berry youghurt in the break room and spent that time wondering where her life took the wrong turn.

Because 'wrong' seemed like a very appropriate word. Ten years of a relationship dissolved into nothing. Her best friend was gone and not talking to her. And she just didn't know what to do.

And now it was Tuesday and nothing changed. Ryan was still sitting at Jim's desk, a sight that broke her heart. Kelly was still bewailing yesterday's news and everyone else either glanced sympathetically or pretended not to notice her at all. Out of pity, she assumed. She just wished this day would end already.

But Michael... Oh, Michael topped it all. After lunch he showed up, obviously very happy with himself and after clearing his throat, said:

“Everyone in the conference room in five minutes. Participation manadatory!”

“Is this going to be one your morale boosting things?” Stanley inquired.

“Yes, I guess you can call it that,” Michael nodded.

“Then I think I'm going to pass,” Stanley decided and returned to his papers he had been working on before.

“You cannot just pass, my friend, I already said it's mandatory,” Michael pointed out.

“But my morale is just fine, thank you.”

“Yeah, mine too,” Phyllis chimed in quietly from her desk.

“Ah, see, that's where you're wrong, people! It's not your morale we're going to boost! It's Pam's!” Michael finished triumphally, which made Pam drop the packet of jellybeans she had just taken from her drawer (she had a sudden craving for green jellybeans).

“Michael, I...” she started, but her unrelenting boss cut in.

“Pam, say no more! I know you're hurting, I know you cry yourself to sleep every night. We're here to help you get through this. Well, at least I am,” he said, shooting Stanley a disapproving look.

“I don't...”

“Pam-a-lama, we've all been there! And so, I think if we all share stories of our worst break-ups, we will actually make you feel better. It's a very simple psychological mechanism.”

“Are you going to tell how Jan dumped you?” Kelly asked with a stiffened giggle.

“No,” Michael answered slowly. “Because she never did.”

“Yeah, because you never dated,” Stanley mumbled.

“Stanley, I thought you didn't want to take part in our group therapy, so, you know, it's too late to join now.”

Stanley rolled his eyes.

“Sorry, I didn't know the procedures. We didn't have group therapies in the ghetto.”

Pam just sat and stared in disbelief at Michael.

“Please finish whatever you're doing and we'll meet in five... well, now three minutes,” Michael repeated and it seemed that he was about to go inside his office, but Pam stopped him in his tracks.

“I'm not going to take part in it, Michael,” she stated, surprisingly loudly and evenly.

“We can hardly make you feel better if you're not there, Pam,” he opposed.

“But I don't want this. And I'm pretty sure no one else does.”

“You don't know what's good for you,” Michael insisted. “Do you know how much therapy costs? And I could therap... therapise you for free.”

Pam closed her eyes in frustration. She counted to five (ten would be enough for Michael to get back on the roll) and then tried again.

“Michael, I do know what's good for me and there's actually something you could do for me.”

“Anything, Pam,” he agreed earnestly.

“I'd like to take the rest of the day off, if you don't mind. Can I go home?”

He looked a little disappointed, but nevertheless granted his permission with a royal nod of his head. Pam wasted no time in getting up and grabbing her jacket.

“Can I go, too?” Creed stood up from his seat abruptly and started walking towards the door. “I've done all my work for today and I'm kind of hungry. I could use some soup.”

“God, Creed, no, go back to your desk, only Pam can go, she's in a very special condition.” To prove his point, Michael approached the elevator and pushed the button, as if breaking off an engagement was a very exhausting disease, disabling her physically.

“Is she pregnant?” Creed looked Pam up and down curiously, and everyone heard Kelly gasp.

“No! Wait, Pam, are you?” Michael looked at her intently and then added quietly, “That would explain quite a bit, you know. But to leave a pregnant woman is just... fatal. Don't worry, say a word and I'll beat him up. I could take Dwight to hold him while I give him the beating of his life.”

“Yeah, right,” Dwight snorted condescendingly.

And then, Pam just snapped. She rarely did, but sometimes, just like when Michael punked her, enough was enough.

“I'm not pregnant! I just decided I don't want to marry Roy and it's none of your business, so I would appreciate it if you dropped the subject. And for your information, it's not how you use the word fatal.”

“It is on the streets,” Michael sounded offended.

“I just wish everything was different,” Pam muttered rebelliously to herself and was more than relieved when the elevator came and she could finally leave the office behind her.

As the elevator door was closing, the last thing she saw was Creed staring at her with unnerving intensity.

This guy was just the definition of weirdness.

---

She went home and watched TV for eight hours straight. She didn't even feel like calling her mother who was kind enough to take on the responsibility of cancelling the wedding arrangements.

She hated that Michael was, for once, right – but she did cry herself to sleep that night. And she really, really didn't want to think what she was crying over.

---

The next morning Pam woke up to the alarm clock with a slight headache. She reached over to turn it off and nestled against Roy's warm body, wishing she could have at least an hour more before getting up and getting ready for the dreaded work.

The second that thought ran through her mind, her eyes snapped open again and she was definitely fully awake. She jumped out of the bed as if it was on fire.

Just what exactly was Roy doing here?!

Because he was here, in their... in her bed, under his covers she was sure she had put in the closet two days ago.

“Roy, what are you doing here?” she asked weakly, causing him to open one eye.

“Sleeping?” he replied groggily.

“But... but why here?” she pressed, trying not to sound too harsh just yet. Maybe he had some plausible reason, if that was even possible. “Did you get drunk last night?” she sighed. That was probably it. He got drunk, maybe of the anger and frustration, he automatically came here afterwards, not conscious enough to remember he lived with his brother now. Maybe even one of the guys he went out with gave this address to the cab driver.

“No,” Roy opened both of his eyes now. “I drank two beers yesterday, you know I did, 'cause I drank them here with you. What's your point?” he sounded a little irritated.

“My point is that you slept in my bed. Three days after we broke up, Roy. I'm assuming you got drunk and ended up here by accident. It's okay,” she added and even managed to give him a little smile. “Just... make sure it doesn't happen again.”

To her surprise, Roy just laughed.

“Good one, babe. But you're not fooling me with your prank. You want to take the bathroom first?”

“What prank, Roy, I'm serious,” she shook her head nervously. “It was okay when I thought you had been drunk, but now you're making fun of me and...”

“Pam, let it go.” He finally got up lazily from the bed and rubbed his eyes.

“No! It's... it's breaking and entering!”

“Into my own bed?” Roy raised his eyebrows, clearly amused. That only infuriated her more.

“Into my house!”

“Pam... Please, stop. It's our house and this joke? It's not funny anymore.”

“It's not a joke! God, it's so not a joke... Roy, we broke up!”

“Pam...” he started.

“We broke up! You moved, you took most of your stuff with you, I gave you the engagement ring back!” Pam was now yelling in a high-pitched voice revealing that she was close to falling apart completely.

“Pam, you're freaking me out! The ring is here, on your nightstand. You always put it here when you go to sleep.”

Pam turned to look and indeed, there it was – the sparkling jewel she could have sworn she had taken off for good three days ago.

“And look, here is all my stuff, if I had really moved out, it wouldn't be here, right?”

It was all there. Pam clenched her fists and took in a deep breath. His clothes, his stereo, his CDs – it was all there, just like before. Even the ridiculous poster of a monkey dressed as a firefighter was hanging on the wall. She had always hated it and when Roy moved out forgetting about it, she took it down and threw it away in silent frustration. She felt guilty about it the minute it was irrevocably done but now`it seemed that she needn't have worried. The creepy monkey was still here in all its glory.

“No, it wouldn't,” Pam answered in a dull voice.

“If you're not joking, then it was just a dream, babe. Although why you would dream of ditching me, I have no idea,” Roy shrugged his shoulders.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered, her eyes fixed on the floor.

“Well, you can't control your dreams,” Roy reasoned.

“No, I guess not,” Pam bit her lip.

“You okay now?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she answered absently. She was obviously far from okay, but God forbid Roy would notice.

“Good. Just try not to drop anything like this on me on June 10,” he laughed.

He went to the bathroom, leaving her alone and she sat down on the bed. She sighed heavily. Her legs felt as if they were made of jello and her hands were trembling. What was happening? Was she out of her mind? She didn't know about any cases of mental ilnesses in her family, but who knows? It seemed impossible that she imagined the events of the last few days. How could a dream be so vivid? It had been tears, cursing and yelling in multicolor and stereo.

She reached tentatively for the ring that was still on the nightstand. It was cold and very real and as she put it back on her finger, she let out a constrained sob.

She could wonder all she wanted, but there was no other rational explanation. Breaking up with Roy was just a dream. She was still engaged and was expected to get married on June 10.

But the ultimate blow came when she realized that she might have dreamt Jim's confession as well.


You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans