Jim paced around the hospital waiting room with a smile stretched across his face. He could barely contain the emotional cocktail from flooding down the surface of his skin. Jim had anxiously waited for this day for the past five weeks. He had been impatient at first, but impatience is only good when it is the shortest way to an end; and as the days turned into weeks, patience was otherwise better.
The phone call had come while he was getting ready for work. Jim got Ellie and Ben ready—as quickly as one parent is capable of dressing and feeding two children under the age of four—and dropped them off at his parent’s house before rushing to the hospital. The doctor had only informed him of a change in Pam’s status; he needed more details before he could bring in the children. He was startled from his momentary daze as Dr. Krautz entered the waiting room.
“Good morning Mr. Halpert.”
“Is it true? Is she really awake?
“Yes, she is fully conscious.”
“Is she okay? Can I see her?” Jim tried to not sound desperate, but the adjective had been describing all his actions lately—desperately driving, desperately speaking, desperately living… He hadn’t heard her sweet voice in over a month. He had kissed her lifeless lips, but it wasn’t the same. He yearned for a response, and for that he felt needy—perhaps even selfish.
“Well, we are still running a few tests to pinpoint the exact extent of her injury.” Jim only nodded, biting his lower lip. “As of now her physical and speech abilities are intact, but…” the doctor paused, unsure of how to deliver his next sentence, “her cognitive processes are still in question.”
Jim’s heart tightened in his chest as the doctor continued to explain the technicality of his wife’s condition. Words like hippocampus, frontal lobe, and cognitive apparatus echoed in the distance of his mind. He felt his body tremble and his knees begin give out from under him. Jim found himself involuntarily leaning against the cold, white wall of the waiting room for support.
…………………
Five weeks earlier
It was just another Monday, like any other Monday in the Halpert household. Jim and Pam lay in bed entangled in their sheets, waiting to hear the pitter-patter of small feet entering their bedroom. Jim always joked about how useless alarms clocks were when you have a four and a two year old around the house—even Dwight’s rooster couldn’t measure up. Pam chuckled at the thought, but couldn’t agree more. They savored those few minutes—the calm before the storm— every morning.
It wasn’t long before Jim and Pam heard their four-year-old daughter coming down the hall. The little girl with tousled, light brown curls came rushing into their bedroom like a lightning bolt. “Mommy! Daddy!” She stopped abruptly, noticing her parents still “asleep.” A mischievous grin adorned her face as she tipped-toed closer to the bed. She approached Jim’s bedside, poked him through the sheets, and quickly ducked down, concealing her giggles.
“Pam? Pam? Wake up! Did you just poke me?”Jim asked incredulously.
“I think you were dreaming, Jim!” Pam said, watching Ellie crawl to her side of the bed. “Let’s go back to sleep!” Jim and Pam shifted around the bed exaggeratedly, pulling the covers tighter around them. Ellie waited until they settled before standing up, poking Pam, and ducking down once more. This time Ellie could barely keep her giggles from escaping between her fingers.
“Jim, wake up! I felt someone poke me!”
“Really? I think we have a poking-monster situation here!”
“Oh no!” Pam could barely contain herself, “Not the poking-monster!”
“But you know who is stronger than the poking monster?” Jim said, locating Ellie’s small figure curled next to Pam’s nightstand. “The tickle-monster!”Jim pulled her into bed and began tickling her nonstop. Her giggles filled the room, brushing off any sleep still left in them. It wasn’t long before Ben also stumbled into the room dragging his blanket. His floppy, sleep-tousled hair and the lazy grin he wore on his face was adorable and unmistakably familiar. Pam got out of bed and scooped Ben up, bringing him to take part in the tickle-fest currently taking place.
“Okay,” Pam said exhaling audibly, “Who wants to help me make some pancakes?”
Ellie waved her hand frantically in the air shouting, “Me, me, me.” Ben imitated his sister’s hand movements, parroting ‘ me ’ as well.
“You wanna make pancakes, Ben?”
“Pans cakes!” Ben replied excitedly.
“Yeah, c’mon buddy,” she said lifting him up, “Let’s go make a mess,” Pam said winking at Jim.
Jim got up stretching his long limbs as he made his way to the bathroom. The chilled bathroom air penetrated his skin calling forth all goose bumps. Saving money by shutting off the heat in early spring was definitely not worth it , he mentally noted. When he finished showering he returned to the bedroom and proceeded to dress for work. Jim hurriedly pulled on his pants, smelling the fresh brewed coffee, before rushing downstairs. He was greeted by a blissful Ellie, with pancake batter smudged across her pink pajamas.
“Daddy I made pancakes!”
“That’s great El,” He lowered his hand for a high-five and Ellie gladly slapped it. “They look yummy!”
“Uh-hum…” Ellie hummed. Jim lifted her up, kissing her rosy cheeks, before putting her in her chair next to Ben.
Jim walked up to Pam and wrapped his arms around her waist, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Good morning.”
“Good morning sweetie,” she said, breathing in his fresh-showered scent. “Breakfast is now served!” Pam carried the plate of oddly shaped pancakes and the syrup to the table. The Halpert clan devoured the plate of pancakes before realizing they were on the verge of being late—yet again.
“Ok,” Jim said placing the dishes in the sink, “Go shower while I get these two dressed.”
“Sounds good.” Pam said walking towards the bathroom.
Jim scooped up his children, one in each arm, eliciting a fit of giggles from both as he carried them up the stairs. Pam had already laid out their clothes; Jim just had to get the kids dressed, which was rarely an easy task. But today it was accomplished without any mishaps, unlike the time Ben found it appropriate to keep removing his clothes—the terrible two’s.
“Ready?” Pam called from their bedroom.
“Almost,” Jim said entering the bedroom. “Here,” he said lifting Ben to Pam, “He is all set, I’ll get Ellie!” Jim sped down the hallway finding Ellie in her underwear distracted with her dolls. “Ellie… c’mon you have to get dressed. You can bring your dolls to grandma’s okay?”
“Okay…” Ellie said with a sigh. She lifted her arms in the air and Jim slid the dress over her head. He then situated the sweater over her small arms quickly buttoning it—missing one, or maybe two buttons.
“Put your shoes on and I will be right back to check on you.”
“Uh-hum…” Ellie hummed, grabbing a pair of white keds from the closet. Jim returned to his bedroom, grabbing his suit jacket and his messenger bag before returning to get Ellie. He stopped and leaned by the doorframe, listening to his daughter attempt to tie her shoelaces. “The squiwel runs ‘round the tree….. Jumps in the hole under the tree…. And leeeeaves.” She said pulling both sides of the laces, but for her disappointment it came undone. “Ugh!” She exhaled frustrated. Pam had suggested they stick with the velcro shoes a bit longer, but Jim insisted on teaching her how to tie shoelaces.
“Here,” Jim said bending down to tie her shoes. “Remember that before the squirrel jumps under, this hand,” Jim said pointing to her right hand, “Holds the tree, okay?”
“Okay… I almost did it daddy!”
“I know sweetie. Now let’s go before mom and dad are late for work.” Jim scooped her up and carried her downstairs where Pam waited with Ben and two small book bags in hand. Like all Mondays, they took separate cars because Pam had her art class across town after work. Like all Mondays, Pam dropped the kids off at Jim’s parent’s house in the morning and he picked them up in the evening. But today was not a regular Monday—as Jim would soon discover.
At five o’clock Jim and Pam parted their ways, kissing good-bye and repeating ‘I love yous’ before leaving the Dunder-Mifflin parking lot. She turned left towards the highway and he turned right towards his parent’s house. He picked up the kids, carrying a sleepy Ben on his shoulder while clutching Ellie’s hand towards to car. At home he made dinner— grilled cheese, a Monday special. At seven he gave the kids a bath and dressed them for bed. They watched The Lion King—a Monday classic—before both drifted off to Hakuna Matata .
Jim hesitated bringing them upstairs because he knew how much Pam loved tucking them in. So, he waited. He grabbed his phone, seeing the red light flashing—a text message from Pam: Be home shortly to tuck my babies in . He smiled, but frowned at the time sent—thirty minutes earlier. Traffic is inevitable —he thought. So, he waited. The cheesy song still played in the background, “It means no worries for the rest of your days…” There were no worries and with that thought in mind, he also drifted off to sleep.
Jim was awakened an hour later by the buzzing of his cell phone still housed in his hand. The person on the other line mumbled something about a collision and the driver in critical condition. The name Pamela Halpert was repeated several times, as well as hospital and head trauma . At that moment everything became blurry—uncertain. Jim remembered vaguely scooping his children from the couch and placing them in their car seats before driving frantically through the streets of Scranton.
The waiting though, was very vivid in his mind. Thoughts from the abyss of his soul plagued him. The what ifs’ emptied all the strength he supposed he had. Jim sat in the small hospital waiting room motionless, inconsolable. Ellie was curled into a ball on the adjacent seat, while Ben, in his Nemo pajamas, nestled over his chest. Jim began stroking Ellie’s curls, sensing the familiar texture under his fingertips, and that was when the tears rolled effortlessly down his cheeks.
It was nearing dawn when Dr. Krautz finally entered the waiting room. The nurses had kept them updated, but everything they said was never certain. Jim’s mother had taken the kids home, and his brother, Tom, was now at his side. Pam’s parents were the first to agglomerate by the door, waiting for promising words. Jim, numbed by the situation, followed closely behind. The doctor explained that Pam had survived—survived a head on collision with a drunk driver, survived a blunt force trauma to the head, and survived a twelve hour surgery that basically placed her back together. She survived with three broken ribs, a punctured lung, a fractured leg, and countless scrapes, cuts, and bruises. The doctor also mentioned something about brain swelling, but Jim was gone—literally unconscious—after the word survived escaped the doctor’s mouth.
Jim woke up the next day in a room with white sheets and white walls, an IV on his left arm, and a heart monitor plug on his index finger. Recovery from mental exhaustion was simple, but recuperating from almost losing his everything was going to be a long, arduous process. Luckily— how ironic—Jim had two small beings that reminded him that he couldn’t throw in the towel just yet. Jim visited her every day—morning and night. He would run his hand through her hair and whisper softly into her ears. Ellie tied her shoes today, well almost….Ben’s still resisting potty-training…They miss you so much… I can’t’ do it alone… you have to wake up … I love you so much… Please wake up….
Within the next few weeks Pam’s condition had stabilized and her injuries were healing accordingly. Jim had to re-invent a routine for himself and his children, as well as deal with questions— where is mommy?—or demands—I what mommy!—everyday. Ben was too small to understand and mostly parroted his sister. But Ellie was an entire different ballgame. Simple explanations like ‘mommy is sick’ didn’t cut it. Jim had to physically bring Ellie—against his better judgment—to the hospital and have her see Pam engulfed by numerous tubes and wires in the ICU. It was shocking—he knew it. Ellie slept with him that entire week.
Jim knew all that was left to do was hope, pray, implore, and plead for the best.
………………………..
Present
Jim accompanied the doctor to the ICU. He warned him about Pam’s current cognitive state, at which Jim nodded in agreement, but his heart was pounding too fast for him to understand the reality of her condition. He carefully walked into the room and stood in the corner. Pam looked frail and confused with the uproar of all the hospital personals surrounding her. The bruises on her face had healed nicely and only faint scars were visible. However, her gaze was blank—empty. He waited patiently as the doctors finished with the tests before he approached her with love deep in his eyes.
“I’ve missed you so much!” He said reaching for her hand, which she rapidly retracted.
“Do I know you?” she replied.
Story Notes:
I recently re-watched 50 First Dates and the idea came to me. It doesn’t quite follow the premise of the movie to make it interesting.
I want to Thank EmilyHalpert and Steph for being AWESOME Betas! You guys rock!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
I want to Thank EmilyHalpert and Steph for being AWESOME Betas! You guys rock!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading!
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