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I don't own anything Office-related except a couple t-shirts that say funny Office quotes on them. Thanks NBC.com.
They were hidden away from the rest of the party, out of sight in a back hallway beyond the annex. The rest of the party-goers drank and sang and danced drunkenly as Michael snapped picture after picture of the revelry. Giggling like school kids, Jim and Pam sat side by side on the floor, legs out-stretched in front of them. Pam grasped tightly the bottle of Jack she’d swiped and Jim held two unopened cans of Coke on his lap as the music seemed to grow louder with each passing second. Or it could have been the alcohol heightening their senses.

“I hope they’re not going to miss this…” Pam giggled as she attempted to take a sip straight from the bottle, but nearly missed her mouth and some dribbled down her chin. Laughing, she wiped it away with the back of her hand and leaned back against the wall, eyes slowly sliding closed.

Jim shook his head and took the bottle from Pam, literally prying open her fingers. “Beesly, you are so drunk. You can’t hold you liquor at all.” His words were slurred, indicating he was just as guilty of the accusations he was making against his best friend.

Pam turned her gaze on him then, one eye open like she was stuck in a perpetual wink. “Suck it Halpert, you’re a lightweight.” As she wagged an accusing finger at him, Pam suddenly toppled over, sending the cans of Coke rolling onto the floor.

This action only elicited more giggles from the pair as Jim tried to help right her. Pam laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes and finally admitted defeat, resting her head against Jim’s stomach and realizing even in her drunken state that they’d never been this close before. It became all the more real when Jim slid his arm around her, a large hand stopping on the small of her back, holding her close.

“Jim…” she murmured softly, her breathing slow and steady despite the fact that her heart was racing so fast she thought it might literally burst right out of her chest.

“Hmmm?” he replied, relaxing for the time being. Thoughts of what might happen should Roy come looking for Pam were pushed to the furthest corners of his mind. They weren’t doing anything wrong, after all; just two friends enjoying a drink away from the chaos. But deep down both knew that’s not what it would look like to anyone else, that’s not really what it was, and there would certainly be consequences.

“Sometimes I wonder…” Pam trailed off. Her speech was less slurred now, a combination of the careful selection of her words and the fact that she was making a deliberate effort to will herself sober. It wasn’t working very well. “I don’t think he loves me anymore. If he did, wouldn’t we be married by now?”

At first Jim didn’t respond, and Pam turned her head to see if he’d passed out. Instead, her gaze was met with a pair of intense green eyes staring down at her and Jim’s arm still wrapped protectively around her waist. Finally, slowly, Pam pushed herself so she was sitting up again, this time her head resting on Jim’s shoulder, as if not physically touching him for support during this conversation was too great a task.

Jim tried hard to focus on Pam’s words, and not the fact that she was so close he could kiss her. He wanted to of course, he always wanted to; to touch her, to kiss her, to run his hands through her hair and tell her every day how much he loved her. But that wasn’t his job, it was Roy’s. It took every ounce of self-control Jim had to contribute to the conversation solely as Pam’s best friend and nothing more. “But you’ve been together a long time. That means something, right?”

Pam shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know…I’m sorry, this is too serious a conversation for this night. We’re supposed to be having fun.” She laughed it off but Jim could tell it was forced.

“I am having fun,” he whispered softly into her hair, so softly Pam wasn’t sure she heard him at first. But she knew it was real when she felt him plant a kiss on her forehead, his breath against her skin.

“Me too,” came the reply. “Serious conversation and all, even…”

They did that a lot, the trailing off, neither quite saying what they really wanted to put out there. It had become a game, and even in the inebriated state they found themselves, they continued to play. After all, there wasn’t much choice. As long as that ring was still on that finger, Jim was the good guy and Pam’s best friend. Pam was still the good girl and Roy’s fiancé.

But then something happened that Jim would never have expected; it was as though Pam was reading his mind. Slowly, she slipped the engagement ring from her finger and held it gingerly in the palm of her hand. She stared at the diamond for several seconds before turning her eyes back on Jim.

“If I didn’t have this…”

Jim didn’t even wait for Pam to finish that sentence. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to hers. At first he received no response and panic began to rise in his chest. Jim was about to pull away and start apologizing profusely for ruining their friendship when he felt Pam’s hands on either side of his face. A new wave of panic rose as Jim realized there would be no way to explain this as anything other than what it was if they were caught. But the moment he felt Pam timidly take his bottom lip between her own and deepen their kiss, thoughts of anyone else were immediately vanquished.

Jim’s hands moved to Pam’s waist, his fingers digging into her soft flesh through the thin fabric of the dark skirt she wore. It was as though Jim was grasping desperately to each moment that passed and trying to commit every last bit to memory. He pulled her close, nearly crushing her against him as his hands began exploring, moving slowly over the small of her back and shoulders, finally coming to a stop as Jim tangled them in Pam’s hair.

Meanwhile Pam was doing plenty of exploring herself. Her hands moved from his face and traced haphazard patterns with her finger tips down to his chest. Pam paused there, pressing her right hand more firmly against him and felt his heart racing wildly. From there Pam slid her hands back up over Jim’s shoulders, coming to a rest at the nape of his neck. Her fingers toyed with his hair for a while and Jim thought he was going to explode. Each touch was like an electric shock and he knew the situation was rapidly spiraling out of control.

Suddenly Pam let out a yelp and pulled away from Jim, her eyes wide.

“What happened?” Though Jim was referring to her cry just seconds earlier, the look on Pam’s face made him realize the severity of what had just occurred between them. “Oh God, Pam! I’m so sorry, I – ”

“No, it’s, I just…” Pam shifted her leg and there on the carpet lay her engagement ring, which had poked through her stockings and the diamond made a small indentation in her calf. She picked it up, closing her fist around it and trailing off once again. Changing the subject, Pam looked anywhere but at him. “You are?”

“I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t know what happened I just – ”

“Are you sorry you kissed me?” she demanded, finally looking Jim in the eye.

Jim remained quiet, but never broke their eye contact. If he was a good friend, he would play it off. He would blame the alcohol and the moment and them being there together. If he was a good friend he would say he was sorry, that she should put her ring back on and they should return to the party and their co-workers. If he was a good friend, he would say they should pretend it never happened and go back to being best friends who played pranks on Dwight and games when Michael was out of the office. But Jim was so tired of being good. And from the way she’d responded to him, Jim was almost certain that Pam was tired of being good too.

“No. I’m not sorry.”

Then came the reply he hoped for, “I’m not sorry either,” followed by the words that would break his heart just a little more, “Which means we should probably get back to the party…”

Jim could only nod in response. He leaned back against the wall one more time, folding his lower limbs into a cross-legged position. Jim closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “That’s probably a good idea.” Try as he might, Jim couldn’t hide his disappointment – not in the fact that the kiss had ended so abruptly, but that Pam was intending to head back to the Christmas festivities and to Roy.

Pam knew the moment had rapidly slipped away, but before Jim could open his eyes, she did the only thing she could think of: this time she kissed him. It was a sweeter, more chaste kiss than the one they’d just shared, but all Jim could think was that this time Pam had been the one to initiate it. When Pam pulled away for the second time that night, she quickly slipped the ring back on her finger and got to her feet, hurrying back to the party without saying a word.

Jim kept his eyes closed on purpose, not wanting to see Pam running away from him and the possibility of the future they could have. He waited until her footsteps were gone, until the Annex door closed, and he knew he was alone.
Chapter End Notes:
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