A/N: I was writing something else, paused so I could do this instead... These are all speculations, based on nothing I know about the baby episode from spoilers. So, you're safe here, no worries. ;) Kind of like what I did with Consequences of an Open Bar for Niagara, so many months ago.
Disclaimer: None of it's mine.
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Michael looks down at his shoes, which is meant to be a brief moment, but it lingers. His eyes go back and forth. They look different. Like, from each other. The stitching on the left looks a little off and. It looks browner? He got dressed in the dark, but still --
"Hey!" It's Kelly and she's shrill. He thinks to tell her to be quiet because there are babies everywhere, but he's pretty sure that he'll do something shrill himself as soon as he knows what's going on.
He looks up when he hears Kelly, and stretches his eyes open as he sits amongst all of his inferiors/minions. Geesh. Babies take their sweet ass time, he thinks.
He notices Jim standing in front of them and starts. But he's crying. His eyes are all watery? Did Jim hit his shin on the same table that he had? He reaches down to run his hand over the area that's bruising, no doubt, and frowns.
Jim's hugging his mom tight (who, by the way Michael has already promised not to bang, or more delicately as he insists, make love to) and smiling over her shoulder at his dad. Why is he taller than both of them?
"How is she?" his mother asks, urgently, clasping her hands together.
Michael thinks back to a late night with a bowl of cereal and TLC. Some terrible baby show and the remote's batteries were dead... There's a horrible image in his mind. That's how she is, probably. Ick.
Jim puts his hands through his hair as he sucks in a big breath and smiles, biting his lip and shrugging.
"She's... great," he says, looking faraway. Michael thinks this isn't really the time to be distracted, but okay. He bites his lip again and smiles, holding his hands out about a foot and a half apart. "She's great, and about this big."
He looks like he has a secret, and laughs in this weird way like he's about to cry like a girl as his mom, his dad, and Helene attack him with hugs. The entire office cheers. Michael stands up because he's respectful and everyone else is standing, but --
Oh. Got it. Michael mentally taps his temple and looks for a camera to wink at. He totally got it, he's just cool about it. But, oh shit, he practically just had a baby.
"He's talking about the baby," he whispers loudly and excitedly to his side, for whomever should be there, but he realizes it's Angela. And Angela just looks up at him.
"I know," she says and her voice is so boring and hard (not a time for that; can you say those four words in the baby part of the hospital?).
"Not before I told you," Michael smiles and says this through his lips and teeth while he looks up at the camera. He's got an almost-could've-been-granddaughter to meet.
He slides next to Jim and holds his arms out. "Congratulations, buddy!" He had to kind of bump past Helene to get to him, and that's awkward, but he actually didn't mean it to be, so it doesn't count, right?
Jim's face is red and there are tears on his face. Whoa. "Thanks, Mike," he says, probably the happiest Michael's ever heard him, and Jim engulfs him in a hug. Pats him on the back.
Is it that they're like brothers? Because Pam was almost his daughter, and your almost-daughter can't have sex with your brother because that's ingest, and there are laws against that and Jesus would be pissed.
"Okay, okay, how's Pam?" His dad says, sounding exactly like Jim.
"She's good, she's good," Jim answers, rubbing his hands over his eyes and fingers across his cheeks. "Baby looks just like her and... Oh, I'm going to go back in there, I just came out real quick, but... Wait here and in a few minutes?" He gestures to the people that are related to him, spreading his fingers out and waving them in front of the group.
Michael, well he needs to be included in this -- he smiles at the camera and inches towards the group. He thinks the span of Jim's brief gesture covers his general area. And that's an invitation, right?
"Michael," Oscar says, tapping his shoulder as Jim hurries back down the hall.
"Yes, Mr. Martinez," Michael answers, not looking directly at him because A) he feels like he's about to be reprimanded, and B) how is he going to look like a convincing member of this family if he's talking to a Mexican in a business suit? How would be possibly know him if he didn't work -- well, he probably shouldn't know his last name then.
"Or, whatever your last name is," Michael mutters before Oscar interrupts him.
"You can't go in there, sit out here with us," Oscar reminds him. "I can see what you're about to do. She might not even want us in there today, or at all."
Michael looks up with one finger in the air. "Ah, now when you say 'she,' with whom do you direct that reference to?" He's clever. Oscar looks confused, stares at his mouth like the words don't make sense. "Because apparently, that could be Pam or the baby, you know."
"I meant it as Pam," he says, rolling his eyes.
Michael feels a surprising set of tears in his eyes. He's practically a grandfather. Or uncle, because he's not that old. Maybe even a second dad. Godfather? Not a stepdad because he and Pam would have to... Uncle Mike sounds perfect.
"I don't want to walk into a room that smells like childbirth," Angela complains as they all make their way as a group down the hallway. The family -- Michael, mostly his decision so as not to crowd or anything, stayed behind with the office group -- had just returned with tissues talking about the baby and told them that Pam would love to see them in room 410.
They all groan and Phyllis says something like, "Oh come on, Angela." As they collectively roll their eyes, Michael tries to think of what childbirth could possibly smell like. Babies smell great, so...
"She's right," Dwight mentions, holding up a hand. "Childbirth is --"
The idea comes to Michael in a flash as the group groans again.
"I call dibs on smelling her first," Michael says, hands in the air followed by a fast clap.
"Pam?" Kelly and Erin ask simultaneously, faces full of disgust.
"No!" Michael looks horrified. "The baby. Babies smell great all the time. And I should really be the first one to hold her -- the baby -- because I'm a hell of a lot closer to her than any of you hobos are."
"How so, Michael?" Oscar stops to roll his eyes, and they all end up in front of 410.
Michael presses his hand to the front of the door and holds still. Because, well, he has his reasons and everything but Oscar is just a buzzkill. "I'm declining to dignify that with a response," he says simply. Classy. Classily. With class.
The door opens and the room is dim. Play cool, he reminds himself, as a swarm of flutters start up in his belly and creep up his spine.
There's a bed, and Pam is holding the baby looking really calm. Her hair looks... awful. It's up in this ponytail like a ball of fire and there's a light shining directly on it, but she looks okay in the face. She looks really happy and calm and maybe even a little bored. She has her arms around this tiny bundle that actually looks really heavy. Her fingers are scratching lightly at the fabric. She bends to press a kiss to the baby's forehead, just as Jim notices them. He'd been sitting on the bed next to her, with his hand on Pam's thigh before they'd walked in.
"Hey," Jim whispers, way less loud than he was when he came out in that waiting room that was the size of a closet. "Come here."
"Hey," Pam says, looking overwhelmed and teary. But really happy. Michael thinks that this is probably what they are more than anything. So, suddenly there his role models. Jim got what he wanted way before Michael did, after all. Wife and baby and all.
Michael lays low, which he wasn't anticipating but it feels like he should. And sometimes something rational gets through to him.
"She's beautiful," Erin says, pointing a finger at her and smiling this stupid, goofy smile. And everyone nods and murmurs a congratulations.
"Thanks," Pam says, looking up at Jim.
Jim looks back down at the baby and takes a deep breath, it shivers a little at the end. "We think so." He looks over and makes eye contact with Michael first, smiling and looking at everyone else then.
"Name yet?" Kevin asks.
Jim looks like someone shook him out of his reverie as Pam shakes her head with a smile. "We haven't decided yet, actually," Jim says, shrugging. "It's between two."
"Yeah," Pam says, looking up at them. "We gave ourselves a twelve-hour deadline, so we have about eleven hours left, but... so far we've just been looking at her."
They smile at each other. And Michael kind of wants everything in this room. Jan's not it, and Holly won't be, so. There's that.
The baby yawns and they all edge a little closer to gaze at her. Pam laughs at grabs Jim's arm.
"She hasn't done that yet," Pam says in a voice that sounds pretty excited for a baby who's clearly bored.
Michael looks around and at Pam's stomach, around the room. Thinks back to when he first knew and saw the picture. Suddenly, he's mystified.
"Wow," he says in a tone of awe, as Pam hands the baby to Jim and wipes at her eyes again. "So all of this, all of these months... it was all real?"
He stands back and stares at the baby as the rest of the people in the room look at him, confused. Pam tilts her head to the side and squints. Jim's too busy being mesmerized by that baby again.
"Is one of them yours?" Michael looks up to see an older woman with her hand on his shoulder. Her other hand points to the glass and smiles. He's been staring at all the wiggling babies for about ten minutes. Trying to figure out which one is Jim and Pam's because they all look the damn same. Except for the black one.
"Yes," he says, pursing his lips together and looking behind her to the camera. "Yes, um, that one." He points at the one that he thinks is his and sees Jim walking toward them from around the corner with his hands in his pockets.
"Oh!" The woman looks really happy. Why is she even here? She's not talking about any of the babies being her grandchild, and she's clearly too old to bare fruit. Baby... crasher. Obviously.
"Okay, yes, be quiet," Michael says in a gentle voice. The woman looks confused, but when Jim interrupts them by saying his name she walks off with a wave to the window.
"Michael," Jim says, smirking. "Gotta quit telling people my kid is yours. That's borderline creepy."
"Relax, Dad," Michael says, waving his arm around. "I couldn't if I wanted to, because they all look the same."
Jim shakes his head and nods proudly toward the glass. "They do not. First of all, there are five of them. One of them is black, and wrapped in blue. That one has a whole bunch of hair -- right there, without the hat on? And the other three... two of them are boys. Mine's right... there."
He smiles as he points to their baby, wrapped in pink, as the nurse looks down and charts. The baby lies absolutely still with her fists curled up near her face as some of the others fuss.
"The 'Baby Girl Halpert' card there kind of gives it away, too," Jim laughs.
Michael looks up at Jim to say something, but Jim looks so happy and distracted. He's thought of that word too much today. Happy. He's noticed a lot of it on this floor.
"She's quiet," Michael notes. "All the other babies are... annoying."
Jim laughs suddenly and looks down at Michael, but his eyes quickly return to his daughter. "Yeah, Pam thinks the baby's just downplaying something. We're sure she's going to scream her head off when we get her home."
Jim takes another deep breath.
"You big softy," Michael says in a comic voice, glancing at the camera. He's always aware of it, and Jim usually is, too. Does Jim even notice it's right behind him? "Are you going to cry again?"
Jim shrugs, smiles and stares at the baby without answering.
Michael decides to be less of an ass for a second. He opens his mouth, but shuts it again for lack of phrasing.
"What's it like?" Michael asks thoughtfully. He nods toward the glass, toward all the nondescript, squirming babies. "All of this?"
Jim breathes deeply and blinks hard. "Honestly... Kind of like... Well." He laughs a little. "Overwhelming. Great. Really great, really crazy."
He watches with interest as the nurse pulls the blanket to the side a little bit and the baby shakes her fist. Like the tiniest, cutest threat. Ever.
"Honestly," Jim says, sounding different than Michael's ever heard of him (and he's known him for decades, or at least close to one of them), "I'm not totally sure yet."
Well, there's something they have in common. Michael guesses even if Jim's a dad now, they still have a lot to talk about.
"Yeah, me either," Michael suggests, like a brother, shrugging and giving Jim a friendly punch in the arm.
Jim pauses for a second -- surely not noticing the nurse picking up the baby and waving at him with it in her arms, because he'd probably cry -- and looks down at Michael. Smiles and nods.
Jim looks up to see the nurse and opens his mouth into a grin, makes a motion like he wants to hold his kid again. Michael hasn't asked to hold him yet, but Jim can hold her anytime he wants because she's his.
Before Jim can get through the door to meet the nurse, Michael stops him.
"Hey, if I promise to let you hold mine one day --"
Jim grins and says, "You can hold her. Of course, just a sec."
He's a little surprised. He watches through the glass as Jim maneuvers pass the bassinets and gently takes the baby from the nurse's arms, looking enchanted all over again. This baby must have done something super-great.
His fingertips itch because he really loves babies and they really love him. He hasn't held one in a long time. Jim and the nurse look down at the baby in his arms and smile, laugh a little. He thinks it might be a minute before Jim returns and he gets to hold her. He wonders how long until he gets to hold his own.
He folds his hands together and waits.
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