“I got Michael,” Toby said. “And…I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m really tempted to get him a dictionary. Or some sort of self-help book. On paper, I think it sounds like a good plan. But I doubt he’ll actually make use of them. So I’ll probably get him…something shiny that Sasha’s outgrown.”

“I got Creed this year. He’s old. I’ll probably get him something old people like. Or a harmonica.” Michael thinks. “He can teach himself how to play. It will keep him busy as he dies.”

“I got Phylis. I think she’s an alcoholic so I got her some vodka.” Creed explains.

“Kelly is a really nice girl and she’s given me fashion and relationship advice.” Phylis smiles. “I got her a makeup set that comes with a little book. I think she’ll like it.”

Phylis holds up the box. It’s overly sparkly, even for a makeup set, and in glittery letters that blend in with the rest of the glittery box, says “THE ESSENTIAL SURVIVAL KIT FOR TEENAGE GIRLS!!!!!!”

 “I think Stanley said that he wanted a shower radio. So I got him a shower radio.” Kelly says, confused.

“I got Oscar a gift certificate to some music store.” Stanley said.

“I got Dwight. I’m really, really glad. I know Dwight likes Battlestar Galactica so I looked that up on Google and got him a DVD of it. It was really easy. I hope I get him next year. He probably likes Star Trek, too, so I don’t have to do any thinking.”” Oscar said.

            “Paintball lessons,” Dwight stated. “When in doubt, get someone paintball lessons. However, be sure not to give them all your knowledge. They can use it against you. Trust me. It is downright stupid to trust someone with that. You’re setting yourself up for betrayal. It’s the same thing as giving them your bow staff with instructions, standing there and telling them to kill you. It’s almost as dangerous as not having a bow staff at all. I don’t think Kevin is capable of hurting me, but you never know.”

            “I got Angela and she tells me to stop making inappropriate noises, so I got her a whoopee cushion with a smiley face on it. I don’t think she’ll like it but she won’t know it was me.” Kevin beams and lets out a wheezy laugh.

            “I got Toby. I didn’t really know him before but we started talking a lot lately. After my date with Alan, I showed him these really bad political cartoons and we laughed at them. He said he liked my drawings so I drew him, like, these satirical mockeries of the cartoons. They’re sort of, um, inside jokes.”

Jim gets Karen a bag of Hers potato chips with a note saying “I found these up Andy’s butt.” He puts a plastic grenade in the box and lines it with scattered paper clips. He tells the cameraman that Karen liked the stapler Jello mold and, well, that’s why he made one for her. There are other things that would take too long to explain, a card being among them.

            Jim’s package is shaped like a can. He opens it.  It <i>is</i> a can.

            “Tuna,” he muttered, looking at it with a small smile.

            “Yeah.” Andy can’t control himself; he’s laughing hysterically. “Because you’re—“

            “Big Tuna.” Jim finished, even though he hasn’t had tuna in month. He can’t help but feel he got a gift from Michael.