"Jim?" It was the first time she had spoken to him all day. It was the first time she had a chance.
Karen had been no less than obsessed with him. She had followed him during every break and eating lunch with him and talked to him at every chance. Pam had stood on the sidelines, tearing her eyes away from the scene, wishing she was in Karen's position.
But, it was now that Pam spoke to her former best friend. It was now that she said his name. It was now that she broke the silence between them with one ringing word in the empty break room.
Jim turned away from the soda machine, the hand holding his money still at his side. Pam, he noticed, had not been getting enough sleep. Worry lines covered her once youthful face. Dark circles hung under her deep, pained eyes. It took all of his willpower not to look away from the ghost of person he fell in love with.
"Hey, Pam," he greeted her.
"How are you?" she asked. She knew what he would say. 'I'm fine, Pam. How are you?' But, Jim always said that. Even the night she had turned him down. Jim was strong, she reminded herself. She was not.
"I'm fine, Pam. How are you?" His voice echoed her thoughts. Jim was never fine. He hadn't been for a long time. Karen was bringing him down, and Pam could see that he could not escape his prison.
"I'm….great." Liar, a voice in the back of her head said.
"That's good," Jim said, putting on a smile. She was not great, no matter what she said. No one knew her better than he did. "So, what's up?"
"Nothing. Just thought I'd say hi and see how you were doing. I haven't talked to you in a while," she told him, hoping deep inside that maybe these words would make him feel the deepest kind of remorse for ignoring her.
"Yeah. Sorry about that. It's just, so weird being home, you know?"
"No, not really." Pam faked out a laugh, hoping that the choked sound was enough to buy her some more time to put on a fake smile.
Jim chuckled and turned around, inserting his money into the machine. He leaned down and pulled out the can of grape soda before turning back around and facing Pam again.
"Anything new?" Jim asked her.
It hadn't always been this way, Pam reminded herself. Their conversations hadn't always been filled with forced smiles, fake laughs, and lies. There was a time where the conversations came easier than life itself. A time when the only time the two of them found peace was when they were laughing together about silly things no one else understood.
"No. Not really. What about you? Anything new in your life?" she asked him. Just Karen, the voice told her.
"No. Life's been pretty boring for me lately. Nothing new at all."
Jim's eyes hurt from just looking at Pam, full of the horrible pain that he had caused, made his heart ache more than it ever had before. He was no better than Roy. Roy, who had broken her down and mentally and emotionally, beat her into submission-Roy who had ruined her life. He was worse than the person he hated most.
"That sucks," she said, the tiniest glimmer of light shone in her eyes. Even if the conversation was fake and strained, she was still talking to him. Right here, right now.
"Yup. Hey, I gotta go before Dwight writes me up or something. I'll catch up with you later," Jim said. He couldn't look at her anymore. She was so broken that he felt guilty.
"Yeah, OK," Pam said, forcing a smile as he turned out of the room.
Maybe someday he would understand what she had gone through waiting for him. Maybe someday they could share memories of the awful times they had spent waiting on the other to come around. For now, though, all they could do was lie.
Lies by MrsKrasinski
Author's Chapter Notes:
Tell me what you think! :D
