“You just had a rebound. Don’t get me wrong. A rebound can be fun. But really it’s about distracting you from the one you really want to be with.”
“Is that what you’re doing with Karen?”
“Michael I hardly think a relationship that lasted all of six hours matches up to more than a couple of months of dating.”
“That may be true. But you were into Pam way longer and way harder…that’s what she said! Anyway you were into Pam much more than I was into Carol. What was it two or three years? You told me yourself that you left here because of her. And just by coincidence you’re dating Karen when you get back here?”
“Hmm.”
Of course this would be the one day of a thousand that Michael was on and exactly right. He’d been exactly right on the boat. Jim had just been too slow to follow through on Michael’s advice. But he was with Karen now. He owed it to Karen to try and make this work. He really liked Karen. Was it like this with Pam in the beginning? Maybe it was and he’d grow to love Karen as much as he loved Pam. He was glad she’d showed interest in him before they had to transfer to Scranton.
He didn’t want to come back single knowing Pam was single. He knew he’d ask her out even though he wouldn’t want it like he did before. Based on that text message he eventually got the morning after the drinking game at Stamford he was pretty sure that she’d say yes even if (and she would wouldn’t she?) she sensed he didn’t quite feel the same. And then what? She’d already had to deal with one relationship where the guy was there because it was comfortable. She was his friend. She deserved better than that.
No if he was going to be with her someday he had to get his head right first. She’d eventually realize he wasn’t all the way there and she’d resent him for it. They wouldn’t be friends and even though he knew she didn’t mean it then he had to agree that he couldn’t stand the thought of not being friends with her. He’d remembered that even in the short time he’d been back. He didn’t want another Katy or Brenda. Someone that he couldn’t put his heart into. Someone he dated to be dating. They’d seen how he couldn’t go all in. He had to give it to Brenda. It only took her one date. The part of him that still believed she was THE one certainly didn’t want the rest of him ruining it while he wrestled with it.
So it was while he continued to wrestle with this idea that Karen saw the house for rent down the street from him. His immediate reaction didn’t go over well. Maybe not quite as badly as Carol’s reaction to Michael’s photoshop handiwork. But not far off either.
When Karen asked him about renting the house he said it’d be like living together. And there was no mistaking his tone that he didn’t want to do that. Karen probably could’ve handled that response if she had in fact been asking him if she could move in. After all she wouldn’t even really be physically closer than she was now. She’d just have a real key to get into her door rather than a plastic one that blinks a green light after swiping.
Pam had seen the short, tense conversation Jim and Karen had first thing this morning. She also saw that when he took his break Karen didn’t. That hadn’t happened before. So what does a friend do then? What had Jim always done when she and Roy were fighting about something? He went to her and talked. Friends do that right? Maybe one day it’s getting tape out of someone’s hair. Maybe another day it’s helping a friend resolve a fight with their girlfriend.
He said he was fine, but she didn’t believe him. Just before turning to walk out the door she asked again, “Are you sure?”
In some ways the last person he wanted to talk about this with was Pam. But he needed to get his thoughts straight. “I had a stupid fight with Karen,” he found himself saying before he was all the way sure he wanted Pam to know about that. He didn’t think she’d try to get in the way of them. But he couldn’t say he’d blame her if she did. He remembered not too long ago being where she was. He knew he couldn’t come out and tell her to leave Roy. But he often couched his advice to allow for that result. She pulled up a chair and asked if he wanted to talk about it.
“We’ve only been dating a month and she wants to move in on the same street. It just seems a little close,” Jim began.
“How far away does she live from you now?”
“Honestly it’s about as close. A fact she’s mentioned more than once.”
“Well it must be something other than the physical closeness that bothers you.”
“Yeah I think it is. If she’s still in the hotel she can leave whenever. She’s not stuck here. She’s not stuck to me. She moved a long way for this job. We’ve already lost what three of the Stamford people? We’d only just started going out. That’s a lot of pressure.”
“Let me ask you this Jim. Hypothetically if I’d left Roy last spring when you asked me to I’d have needed a place to live right?”
“I can’t imagine him giving you two weeks to get your things together and house hunt.”
“Right. I might have had two minutes to grab my favorite clothes and photos before he burned the rest! So I’d have needed a place to stay too. What would you have said if I asked you about moving into that same house?”
“You’ve got me there Pam. If anything I’d have told you it was too far away. But I knew we were supposed to be together. I’ve only known Karen a few months and we’ve only dated a few weeks.”
“So are you saying you don’t think that’s what you have with Karen?”
“I don’t know.”
“All I’m saying is if it’s what you do have then it won’t matter if she’s two minutes or two hours away. And if it’s not what you have it won’t matter either. Physical distance isn’t nearly as damaging as emotional distance.”
She wanted to go on and tell him that it didn’t matter that he’d moved two hours away when she thought about him. And now that he was only two minutes away she didn’t think about him more. She couldn’t think about him more than she already did. But she knew that wasn’t her place. If he’s supposed to be with Karen then he’ll stay with her. But if he thinks he’s not supposed to be then maybe this helps him leave.
“Thanks Beesley. This helped a lot.”
“Hey it’s way better than listening to Michael play a conch shell…which is what I was doing. Speaking of which Michael hooked up with Jan in Jamaica.”
“Yeah how are we not talking about that?”
With that they began laughing at Agent Scarn and his pursuit of Catherine Zeta Jones. Jim felt that warmth that he recognized all too well. He had to hand it to Pam. She played it just as he would have. “If it’s what you do have then it won’t matter if she’s two minutes or two hours away. And if it’s not then it won’t matter either.” It couldn’t be coincidence that she’d mentioned exactly how far apart Scranton and Stamford are. And that physical distance couldn’t keep people apart.
The rest of the day passed as well as any day at Dunder Mifflin Scranton. He’d gone by the rent house and picked up a flyer. He wanted Karen to give it a shot. Like Pam said it wouldn’t make him feel something he didn’t feel. Besides she deserves better than the Best Western. Even if it’s not with him.
Karen could sense the change in his mood too. They’d joked as they worked through their section of inventory. He was about to hand the flyer to her when he noticed Pam wasn’t in the warehouse even though he’d just seen her a moment before. He’d smiled to her as if to say thanks and she disappeared. Not the reaction he expected. He found her in the hall crying.
It reminded him of the first day the camera crews showed up. Somehow Michael got the insane idea to fake fire her after they’d just had the meeting with Jan about layoffs. And to make it worse he blamed the firing on her stealing things. It totally broke his heart to see her like this.
“Hey what’s wrong?” Without thinking he put his arm around her to hug her. Without thinking, on instinct, she settled in to his chest. It wasn’t long before a peace came over her and concern washed over him.
As she finally quit crying she straightened up and wiped the tears away with the Kleenex she’d grabbed from the lobby counter. “I just didn’t realize how hard it is to do the right thing. Even if you try a little to do the wrong thing. It looks like I helped you get over letting Karen move closer to you. Jim how did you help me and Roy stay together so many times? You must have wanted us to break up.”
“I did. But I couldn’t have you break up with him because I pushed you into it. The first time something went wrong with us you’d think I tricked you into it. Then you’d go back to Roy and it’d be over for good. I thought maybe if you always saw me helping you out you’d eventually realize you wouldn’t need so much help if you’d just switch teams. Team Halpert has been looking for help at this position for years.”
“But what about Casino Night? You didn’t try to keep Roy and I together then.”
“Time was up. I’d already decided to transfer. It’s not what I actually started out intending to tell you. But I figured I couldn’t leave without using my last chance. I never thought if you said no that I’d be back. I kind of figured our friendship would drift away anyway. You’d be married. I’d be two hours away. Funny how things turned out huh? I’m back and you’re not with him.”
“I’d hardly call it funny. I’m not with him because of you. It took me longer than it should have. I should’ve broken if off with him a long time ago even before I met you. What I said about emotional distance was true. We lived together for years. It didn’t help. I waited too long to reach out to you. Your leaving woke me up. Being physically apart from you did nothing to lessen what’s in my heart. Jim I could hear it in what you said about Karen. I don’t want to have to leave to wake you up. You already told me you don’t feel for her what you feel, or at least what you felt, for me. Tell me I’m wrong. If so I will leave you alone. At least emotionally. I don’t see you as the type to burn my clothes and things.”
“Beesley you aren’t completely wrong. But Pam I don’t know what I feel now. You and I both know there’s a part of me that will still love you when I’m 90 even if I’m on my fiftieth wedding anniversary with someone else. Michael thinks Karen’s my rebound girl like the Benihana girl was for him before he and Jan…well you know. I’m not sure. I don’t know if what I feel for her is all I’ll feel for her. Maybe I’ll love her as much as I loved you. Whatever I do I want to know it’s the right thing. But I don’t want to lead you on. I may never feel like I did before. Does that make any sense?
“Yeah. You don’t have to tell me about needing some time to figure things out. Look you know how I feel. I can’t see myself moving on without knowing for sure. And you’re right I wouldn’t want you to break up with her because of me. You’re right that I would’ve resented you and God help me if I’d gone back to Roy again if you’d done that.”
“So I’m going to call the home owner and see if Karen and I can check out the place. At least now I’ll have something to explain why I was gone so long.”
“Hey I’ve got some good news and some bad news Fillipelli. The good news is I got some good advice from Pam and I’m cool with having you move to that house. The bad news is they already rented it out. But we can go looking again this weekend.”
Story Notes:
Spoilers through Traveling Salesman/The Return.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
