“You picked out some pretty colors Pam.”
“What?”
“The flowers. They’re the same ones you were going to have in your wedding right?”
“Yeah. That and the lettering on the welcome sign, the band, well you name it. I can’t believe you remembered that.”
“Well it was all going on just a few feet from me, remember?”
“I do. I’m still sorry about that. Knowing now how you felt that had to be unbearable.”
“You don’t have anything to feel sorry about. Like I said then I didn’t realize I was actually filing a complaint. I thought Toby could just see it as a joke. A way to blow off steam. But Michael’s right. He’s the worst!”
“Would you believe Roy didn’t know about the flowers. A few minutes ago he told me he thought the layout here was nice and had no idea I’d chosen it all.”
“It was something to do with your first date right?”
“Close. They’re the flowers he gave me at high school prom. He did remember that, but thought it was a coincidence that I picked them for the wedding.”
After some chatting about the famous Beesley dance moves Jim made his way back to Karen. And Pam made her way back to her table. She wondered if Karen had asked Phyllis to seat her away from Jim. The incident in the break room couldn’t have endeared her any to Karen. It’s funny how sometimes the truth comes out without your even knowing it.
“Wait you don’t still have a thing for him do you?”
“Yes.”
It was that easy. Kind of. She’d backtracked and done her best to cover up. Karen wasn’t letting her off the hook though. She couldn’t even really remember what she’d sputtered out there. Something about Karen dating Jim, she was not dating Jim. Then the inopportune apology. An apology she couldn’t even explain when Karen kept grilling her. Why couldn’t the phone ring? Or even Ben Franklin could come in and flirt with her. Any of those things would be better than Karen dragging her through this.
She couldn’t help but look at Jim and Karen dancing and want to trade places with her. It didn’t help that they’d seemed to stand in front of her on purpose. She couldn’t think that Jim meant to do that. But it was pretty easy to think that Karen did. The only thing that would convince her more was if they were facing the opposite way. That way Karen could look straight at her and without the words say “He’s my man. You can’t have him. I’m watching you.”
Karen did indeed have that very thought in mind when she got Jim to the dance floor. But sometimes fate smiles on us when we least expect it. She got him to the spot she knew Pam would be able to see best. But she wasn’t able to get them turned to she could stare daggers at Pam. So it was Jim who got to see Pam alone at her table.
When he looked up he knew Pam was watching. Karen had told him about the conversation in the break room. He figured Pam just misheard the question, got flustered and things went from bad to worse. And he felt bad for her. But looking at her and seeing the broken look in her eyes he knew he’d been wrong before. He knew that look. It was the look he hid from Pam on who knows how many occasions. He’d see her with Roy and it would be too much. The longing and regret over opportunities missed.
It was all sinking in. She’d meant exactly what she said to Karen. She’d meant it so much that it came out in spite of herself. Why would she tell Karen on purpose? He remembered how he told Michael (of all people!) that he loved Pam minutes after they finally set the wedding date. And suddenly the hypothetical question the documentarian asked him about Pam wasn’t nearly as hypothetical anymore.
Karen could see the pain in his eyes. She knew it must be Pam that he saw. They’d talked many times about that relationship. About how much it hurt him and how he’d left Scranton to get over her. When Karen found out from Phyllis and finally got Jim to admit he still had those feelings for Pam she had a tough choice to make. She hadn’t gotten this far in life by giving up on something that took work. She’d moved over two hours away from her home to be with Jim. She wasn’t going to let a ghost from his past derail them.
“Jim they’re playing my favorite song. Stay with me.”
Pam saw that he saw her. She broke eye contact and walked out of the room to get some air. Maybe Roy wasn’t so bad after all. He did remember the flowers he bought her. Even if he didn’t give her credit for remembering it was still something that he knew about it. She’d long since given up hope on him having any romantic memories like that. Maybe she’d been too quick to give up on him. The time apart could’ve changed him. Maybe he wouldn’t take her for granted now.
She really expected the guy to walk through the door would be him. She really expected he’d ask her to dance, she’d say yes and the breakup would be over. She almost didn’t believe her eyes when she saw who had followed her outside for air. It all seemed familiar in a way. Guy and girl getting along well in a romantic setting. Someone goes out for air. Someone else comes out to be with them and leaves behind their significant other. This was the reverse of what happened on the party boat. So she pondered whether she could do better than he’d done.
His first question came right out and surprised her.
“The cameraman asked me the weirdest question just a minute ago. He asked hypothetically if you were still interested in me what would I do.”
“Where did he get that idea?”
“Well I wondered the same thing. Karen told me about your struggles with listening and speaking comprehension in the break room. I had no idea Ben Franklin so distracted you!”
“He was something else for sure.”
“Between that and what I just saw on the dance floor I’m having second thoughts. I’m thinking maybe you really did mean what you told her. And maybe the rest of the conversation explaining yourself away was where you were confused.”
“What gave you that idea?”
“Pam I’ve seen the look on your face back there more times than I ever care to remember. I saw that look inside myself almost every single day for at least a year. There’s only one thing that I know of that causes that. I can’t think it was an accident that Karen chose that spot for us to dance out of all the places on the floor. She wanted you to see us together. I just can’t figure out why she wanted me to see you. Come to think of it she didn’t want me to see you. She kept trying to turn us around. At the time I don’t even think I knew why I resisted her or even that I had done so. Beesley I’ve got a great girl in there and she’s just getting madder the longer I stay out here.”
“Well maybe you should go back in.”
Why was she doing this? At least he’d kept his mouth shut on the boat. It was at least possible she would’ve said something to save him. Here she was pushing him back to Karen when she really wanted to pull him to her and never let go.
“Is that what you really want?”
“I want what you want Jim.”
“And what do I want?”
“To be happy.”
“With her?”
She breathed hard. “If you have to ask I think you already know the answer is no. Jim you’re right. Just like always. I had already blurted it out before I could stop myself when Karen asked me. And I’m also convinced she put you guys right in front of me to rub my nose in it. That she’s got you and I don’t.”
“So how do you explain my being left to see you instead of her?”
“Is it possible the gods found someone else to pick on? I mean we’ve messed this up so many times. I couldn’t see what you felt. When you finally told me I got the answer all wrong. You moved two hours away and hardly spoke to me. You finally moved back but had a girlfriend.”
“It hasn’t been easy that’s for sure.”
“And here you are with me.”
“Is that what you really want?”
Enough dancing around it Pam. He’s not waiting forever. “Yes. I’m close to a year late. Yes I still have feelings for you. Yes I want you to leave her and be with me. And Jim it’s what you want too isn’t it?”
“Yes. I needed to know you felt this as much as I do. Not just that you wanted it because someone else had it. I saw that tonight. I’ve seen you jealous before. When I flirted with Katy that first day and took her home, when she picked me up after Ryan’s cheesy pita fire. You didn’t feel it enough to do something about it. Tonight it moved you so much that you had to leave. I know what that’s like. I don’t want to feel that again. I couldn’t walk down this road and have it end that way. I wouldn’t have made it back again. There’s something I have to do first though.”
“Do you want me to get out of here?”
“She’s going to know anyway. I want you to stay.”
“Then I’ll be right here.”
“Jim what the hell were you doing? You can’t do this to me. You’re with me. She already rejected you once. I knew I should’ve spun you around. I can’t trust you to be around her.”
“This isn’t going to work Karen. You’re right. You should’ve spun me around. But what I’ve seen I can’t forget. You can’t trust me to be around her. She didn’t reject me this time. How could I tell her no? I never could.”
“You are unbelievable Halpert. After all I’ve done. I moved hours away from my home and family. I helped you get over a broken heart I’m not sure I’d even read about in books. And all she has to do is flash some sad look and that’s that?”
“I wouldn’t have believed it myself. But here we are. She has dibs. I was late to tell you that I know. But you knew weeks ago what you were up against. So you can’t say this totally surprises you can you?”
“Frankly nothing that happens here in Scranton can surprise me anymore.”
Jim found Pam a little cooler, but much happier.
“So I hope you drove because I’m totally without a ride now.”
“As it turns out I did Halpert. What’s a ride worth to you?”
“What do you have in mind Beesley?”
“I can tell you it’s a lot more than a bag of Sun Chips.”
“I’m sure I’ve got something you want.”
“Don’t be so sure. I’ve already got your heart. What else can you offer me?”
“You’ve got me there. If I can have your heart then you can take whatever you like.”
“For you Jim I think I can make that work.
To: Jim Halpert
From: Karen Fillipelli
Subject: I get it
I swear sometimes I think you’re the luckiest guy in the world. You left Scranton to get away from a girl and had a job waiting for you. Then the office where you took your new job closed and there was another job waiting. You didn’t want to face her alone and I came along with you. I tried to keep you from her, but you saw her. And even when I want to be furious about it and scream I get in my car and the radio takes your side. Have you heard the new song by The Fray “You Found Me”? Well it was the first thing I heard when I got in the car Saturday night. And I swear the guy was in your heart when he wrote it. I just wish I could’ve found you earlier and saved you from this. I’d be lying if I told you I hope everything works out for you and Pam. I’d also be lying if I told you I hope you fail.
“Lost and insecure you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me
But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who’s ever known
Who I am, who I’m not and who I wanna be
No way to know how long she will be next to me”
She’d better be worth it Halpert.
To: Karen Fillipelli
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Re: I get it
Sometimes I can’t decide if I’m the luckiest or unluckiest guy. I know you don’t want to hear my lament and I think now maybe you’re right. A week ago I would’ve disagreed.
Pam and I heard the same song when we left. She said pretty much the same thing. It’s a weird world sometimes isn’t it Karen? I really wish you the best. I know I said it before, but I’ll say it again. If I’d ever considered this might be how things would’ve gone you have to believe me when I say I’d have told you. I thought this door was closed forever. And yes she’s worth it. Someday I’m sure you’ll say the same thing about someone better than me.
Story Notes:
Spoilers through Phyllis' Wedding.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
rahenson1 is the author of 2 other stories.
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This story is part of the series, If only. The previous story in the series is Back From Vacation.
