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Author's Chapter Notes:
I have a love/hate thing with season 3 that comes to a head around "Ben Franklin." TBS played that episode on Sunday and this popped into my head. I always thought there was no way Jim would be okay with what Karen said to Pam in the kitchen. What would have happened if he found out?

I don't own them, so no copyright infringement intended. I do however, own all 6 seasons on DVD, the season 6 desktop calendar and a Jim Bobblehead who occupies my desk at work. Sometimes I talk to him because he's far more interesting than my coworkers!

Pam sat at her desk counting down the last ten minutes of the work day. Ever since Jim returned and brought all that fantastic awkwardness with him, she could not wait to get out of the office at exactly five o’clock each day. But, today had been especially rough and the clock seemed to be moving slower than normal. Between the creepy Ben Franklin impersonator hitting on her and the exchange between she and Karen in the kitchen, Pam was ready to get home, eat a carton of Ben and Jerry’s and watch bad reality television.

“Well that you kissed. And we talked it through, it's totally fine, it's not a big deal, it's just a kiss.”

Just a kiss. That’s what she and Jim had been reduced to. She wondered if those were his words or if Karen was putting her own spin on things. Who knows if Jim even told her the whole truth. Her eyes shifted away from the clock to Jim’s neck, hoping it would give her some answers. Nothing.

The whole conversation was the most awkward thing Pam has ever dealt with. She got the distinct impression that Karen was (not-so) subtly trying to make it clear that Jim is hers and anything that Jim and Pam may have had is in the past and no longer important. “Was she trying to mark her territory?” Pam wondered to herself as the clocked hands moved to the twelve and five and it was quitting time.

She began to gather up her things to head home when Jim and Karen breezed past her desk to the coat rack. Pam watched as Jim helped Karen into her coat. She couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy at that and she decided to linger back as to not get stuck on the elevator with the happy couple. That would be the icing on the cake of this fantastic day.

“Hey, listen I’m feeling kind of beat after the fun in the warehouse this afternoon, so what do you say to a night in? We can swing by Great Wall, get some takeout, and watch some bad reality TV at your place,” Jim suggested while helping Karen into her coat. He had desperately hoped she would agree to his plan. Karen always wanted to go out and Jim could really use a night in.

“Alright, I guess. The Chinese is fine, but no reality television tonight, please. I do not see what the appeal is,” Karen said in mock annoyance.

“Oh, come on. Let me watch ‘Big Brother,’ and I’ll spring for some Ben and Jerry’s!” Jim offered as he opened the door from the office for her. He realized in that moment he didn’t say goodnight to Pam, but it was probably be for the best. It seemed like tonight Karen wouldn’t make him stay up to talk about “their relationship,” and his past with Pam. Better to not ruin that.

“You know I don’t eat ice cream, Halpert,” Karen retorted back, this time with a hint of actual annoyance.

“Err, yeah, um,” Jim sighed, “I must have forgot.”

The ride in the elevator and the walk to Jim’s car was quiet. He couldn’t quite understand why she was annoyed that he forgot she doesn’t eat ice cream. He remembers it now, of course, her casually mentioning that she avoids all sweets to keep up her amazing figure. He supposes that a boyfriend should remember these things and that is the source of her annoyance. Well, that coupled with the fact that last week he admitted he still had feelings for another woman. Apparently, he is still walking on egg shells with Karen.

Jim was the first to break the silence once they were inside the car, “Listen, I’m sorry I forgot you don’t eat ice cream. It was just a stupid joke.”

Karen sighed heavily, “It’s just, a boyfriend should know these things. It makes me wonder if you are really as committed to this relationship as you say.”

Jim ran a large hand through his messy locks. “Not this again,” he thought to himself. He really thought they were past all this. He couldn’t do it again. He could not do another night of talking about his commitment to their relationship, he was far too worn out both physically and mentally for it. He figured it was best to just keep his mouth shut for now.

“Oh,” Karen interrupted his thoughts, “That reminds me, I talked to Pam today.”

Jim stopped at a red light. “This is not going to be good,” he thought to himself, “Not good at all. Oh, God, what could she have possibly talked to Pam about?” Sure there was a time where the two got along, most notably the day of the Christmas party, but given the Jim’s recent admission of feelings, he had a sense this was not a casual chat.

Karen snapped her fingers in Jim’s face, “Earth the Halpert, you with me? The light’s green.”

Jim resumed driving. “What about?”

“What about what?” Karen asked, clearly not seeing the importance of her recent admission.

Jim let out a frustrated sigh. Surely she couldn’t mention that she talked to Pam and then just drop it. “What did you and Pam talk about?”

“Oh,” Karen said, clearing her throat, “Just that you told me about the kiss and the stupid crush, but that it’s not a big deal. Whatever.”

He couldn’t believe she would do that. Why would she do that?

“What? Why? What made you do that?” Jim was angry now, his jaw tight and clenched and his knuckles were white because he was gripping the steering wheel so hard.

“I just thought she should know where we all stand. I mean, we all have to work together and I just thought it would be best for all of us if she knew that I was okay with what happened between you two in the past,” Karen replied in a frustrated tone, “You told me it was no big deal so I thought she should know, too.”

Jim couldn’t believe this was happening. He also didn’t buy Karen’s explanation. He knew she could be manipulative, but this is far beyond anything he could have imagined. He supposed that this was less about making it easier for the three of them to work together and more about letting Pam know that he was hers now.

He continued to drive in silence. He had no idea how to handle this and all he could think of was the hurt Pam must have felt hearing that it was his feelings were, “no big deal,” as Karen put it. He felt like more than anything, he needed to talk to Pam.

“Hey, Halpert,” Karen said, snapping Jim back to reality, “You just missed the turn for Great Wall.”

“I’m just going to drop you off at your place. I need to be alone to think,” he said, his voice barely coming out a whisper.

“What? Why?” Karen was beyond angry now. “What’s the big deal? She needed to know. If our relationship is ever going to move forward, she needed to know that you’re over her. Maybe now she’ll stop staring at the back of your head!”

“It wasn’t your place to tell her,” Jim spitted back through clenched teeth, “This is between Pam and I. You had no place in this. And, frankly, I think you telling her had less to do with making it easier for all of us and more to do with marking your territory!” Jim couldn’t believe those words as they left his mouth, but he had said them.

They had pulled up to Karen’s apartment complex at that point and she got out without saying a word. Jim drove the couple of minutes to his place unsure of what to do next. He needed to speak to Pam, to make sure she was okay. He wanted to tell her that Karen didn’t know the whole story, that it wasn’t just a kiss. But, then, he thought he couldn’t put it all out there again and have her reject him.

Jim settled on his couch with a beer. He needed something stronger after the evening he had, but this is all he had so beer would have to do. He took a long swig and put the beer down on the coffee table, exchanging it for his cell phone. He scrolled down his contacts stopping at P. “Pam,” he thought. He could help but wonder how all of this making her feel. Did she even care? No, she had to care, because despite all of her talk about him “misinterpreting,” he knew she felt something, too. She just hadn’t been brave enough to admit it.

Jim wrestled with his feelings for a while. Eventually finishing his beer and moving onto another. “I should just call her,” he said out loud to no one. He could talk to her as a friend and still keep all of those old feelings at bay. He would need to keep those feelings at bay, he could not let them resurface and be hurt again.

His finger hovered over the send button. “Screw it,” he said to himself as he pressed it. It was ringing and he had his fingers crossed she would answer.

Pam was snuggled up on her couch with a pint of Chunky Monkey when she heard her phone ringing from the end table. She glanced over and read the caller id, “Jim.”

“What does he want?” she asked herself, “Is he calling to rub more salt in my wounds? Sorry, buddy, today has sucked enough.” With that, she hit ignore and sent his call to voicemail.

Thirty seconds later, her phone chimed indicating she had a new voicemail. She decided she should just listen to it and delete it so that it wasn’t sitting there mocking her all night. Besides, for Jim to leave a voicemail was odd, maybe this had nothing to do with earlier and something terrible had happened. “Yeah, like Karen got hit by a bus,” she whispered, immediately feeling bad for letting the thought leave her lips.

“Hey, Pam, it’s Jim. I’m probably the last person you want to talk to, but I need you to call me back. Karen told me what happened today and she was really out of line. Listen, I don’t want to do this over your voicemail, but I am sorry. Call me back, please.”

He was sorry. Sorry. Sorry didn’t take back what Karen had done, but then again it wasn’t Jim’s fault she did it. Sorry, though, doesn’t take back the fact that somehow Karen had gotten it in her head that it was “just a kiss,” and “no big deal.” Maybe she needed to hear him out. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding or maybe it would give her the closure she needed. The closure he had so obviously found.

Pam took a deep breath and just did. She called him back. “God what am I doing?” she sighed.

“Hello?” Jim answered, all deep and sexy. She was in big trouble if she was starting off this conversation thinking like that.

“Hey, Jim, it’s uhh, Pam. I’m just returning your umm call,” Pam said fumbling over her words.

“Yeah, hey. Listen, I’m just going to cut to the chase. Karen told me what happened today with you two and I feel awful. I just wanted to call and make sure you were okay.”

Jim could hear her crying. “Oh, God. What have I done?” he thought to himself.

“Pam? Please don’t cry,” he said softly. It was killing him to hear her like this.

“Is she there?” Pam asked between sobs.

“Huh?” Jim asked genuinely confused.

“Is Karen there? Listening to this pity call? Because that would just make this perfect,” she spit out.

“What? No,” he paused for a second and lowered his voice for some unknown reason, “We had a fight. I dropped her off at her apartment after she told me what she did. God, Pam, I feel terrible.”

“Why are you doing this?” she asked. She was angry, he could tell and she had every right to be.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. You’re my friend and I thought maybe that conversation with Karen would have been hard for you.”

“You’re my friend? Does a friend basically ignore you? Because then, yeah, I guess you’re a great friend Jim. Friend of the year!” she yelled and then hung up.

Jim was shocked when the line went dead. He was upset because he knew she was right, he hadn’t been much of a friend since returning. With the exception of Dwight’s Christmas prank and breaking Andy’s brain, they hadn’t interacted nearly as much as they used to. He used to be the guy she came to with her problems and now he did his best to keep her out. “Some friend,” he thought, “But, I can’t leave it like this.”

He looked down at his half empty second beer and argued with himself that it was perfectly okay for him to drive. Besides, the conversation with Pam had sobered him up. He flipped through his mental address book to remember where Pam had told him her apartment was. “Sycamore Apartments,” he practically yelped with excitement that he remembered.

“Okay, okay. I can do this. I’m going to Pam’s and we are going work this out… as friends. We will fix all this and be friends again,” he said to himself, psyching himself up. It hit him then. That’s not what he wanted, to be friends. After the two rejections and all of the heartache he still wanted her.

Jim was snapped out of his train of thought by his phone ringing. “Karen” flashed across his caller id. “Shit,” he mumbled. He had completely forgotten about his girlfriend. Girlfriend? Was she really still his girlfriend after the stunt she had pulled? Jim realized what he had to do and that he had to make stop on his way to Pam’s.

He made to Karen’s in record time. It was already eight o’clock and he wasn’t sure how long this was going to take. He wanted to do this the right way and still have time to make it to Pam’s. He took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door to Karen’s apartment.

“Jim,” Karen said dryly as she opened the door, “Come to apologize?”

Was she serious? Did she honestly think that he should be the one to apologize in this situation?

‘Err, umm, no,” he said flatly. It was time to start being honest. “Karen, it’s over.” And there it was, like ripping off a band aid. Karen just looked at him with a look of total shock on her face.

“Even without what you did today, it wasn’t working,” he continued, “I’m sorry. I really am. I tried to make it work, I really did. On paper, it should have worked. Your smart, beautiful, and hardworking.”

“But, I’m not her,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” was all he could say and for a brief moment they just stood there staring at each other. It looked like Karen was going to cry. It was the first time Jim had ever seen her look so vulnerable.

“Listen,” Jim broke the silence, “I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. I wasn’t completely honest with you. It wasn’t just a kiss and it wasn’t just a crush and it was a big deal. I was in love with her, I still am, I guess. I left Scranton when she shot me down. When I found out I had to come back, I panicked. I knew you were interested and I thought if I had someone in my life, I’d be able to keep my feelings hidden deep down inside long enough that they would just disappear.”

“YOU USED ME?” Karen was screaming now. “Get the fuck out!”

“Karen, please. We can’t leave it like this. We have to work together. We should at least try to end things as amicably as possible,” he said. He just wanted to make things right.

“Amicably? Are fucking kidding me? You used me as a human shield in your emotional war with Pam! You used me and I was starting to fall in love with you. Get the fuck out now, before I call the cops.”

And with that, he left. He knew Karen well enough to know when she was like this, there was no talking to her. Maybe he’ll try again in a few days.

Jim drove the way to Pam’s place in silence. No radio, no noise, just him and his thoughts. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say to Pam or how it was going to go without the buffer of Karen to keep his heart safe.

When he arrived to Sycamore Apartments, he realized he didn’t know what her apartment number was. “Fuck,” he wanted to scream. He had come all this way to realize he didn’t have her apartment number. He entered the lobby anyway, hoping someone would be around to help him. He caught a break, however, as the buzzers had the tenants’ names on them. “Ahh, good for me,” he thought, “but that can’t possibly be safe.”

“P. Beesley, 4F,” he read. And with that he set out to her door. It was only when he reached the door that he realized she had hung up on him and probably did not want to talk to him, let alone see him. He paused, deflated, thinking maybe he should just turn around and go home.

Just as he was going to turn around and leave, her door opened. Pam stepped out in pink flannel pajamas with matching slippers carrying a full garbage bag.

“Jim?” she said in surprise, “What are you doing here?’

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. God, she is adorable. He so rarely saw her in casual clothes, but seeing her in pajamas made him fall even more in love with her. He realized than that he was screwed. There was no way he would be able to keep the old feelings down.

She opened her door back up and motioned for him to come inside. She took a seat in a recliner and he sat on a couch on the opposite side of the room.

“I know, you said that earlier,” she said, her eyes showing how much she had been crying, “So are you here for just yourself or is this apology from Karen, too?”

“Karen and I broke up,” he said plainly, “What she did was wrong and it made me realize that she wasn’t right for me.”

She nodded indicating he should continue, so he did. “And I’m not just sorry for what Karen did. I’m sorry for everything that has happened. I’m sorry for springing my feelings on you so close to your wedding date and I’m sorry for taking off when I didn’t get the response from you I wanted it. I’m sorry for not being there when you ended things with Roy. I’m sure you could have used a friend then. I’m sorry I’ve acted so cold towards you these last few months. I did it because I felt it was the only way I could keep myself from going back to that place where I was hopelessly in love with you. I’m sorry that I told Karen that it was just a kiss and no big deal. Because it wasn’t just a kiss and it will probably be the most amazing moment in my life for the rest of my life. God, Pam, I’m so sorry for loving you like this.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Pam said as the tears started to flow freely from her eyes.

“For what?” Jim asked.

“I’m sorry for leading you on for so long while I was with Roy. I should have been honest with how I felt instead of pretending. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you when you told me how you felt. I guess I just needed some time to figure things out. I’m sorry I didn’t call you when I called off my wedding. I just didn’t know how to tell you that you were right. I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder for you when you returned. I should have insisted you have coffee with me that night. I’m sorry I’ve been trying to keep my feelings for you hidden all this time.”

With that Jim stood up and strode quickly across the room. Without much though he pulled Pam up and kissed her. Soft at first, his tongue teasing her to open up. When she finally opened her mouth and surrendered to his kisses, he thought his knees were going to give out. This was nothing like the desperate kiss they shared on Casino Night. This was hot and sexy and the beginning of things to come.

They stood there kissing for a few minutes before Jim pulled back. “As much as I want this, I feel like we should pull it back. We still have so much to talk about and I want to do this the right way. I want to take you on dates, bring you flowers, and kiss you on your doorstep. I already know you are it for me so I have plenty of time to make this perfect,” he whispered in her ear.

His whispers sent a chill down her spine. This was finally happening. After all of the misinterpretations and hurt feelings and “I can’t,” they were finally doing this.

“What else is there to talk about?” Pam asked, breathlessly.

“Well, umm, I guess really not much,” he managed, “It’s just I want to take you on a date before I start making out with you in the middle of your living room.”

She giggled, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Hey, do you want something to drink?”

“Just water would be fine. My mouth is pretty dry from all the talking I’ve been doing tonight,” he said. Then he remembered once again about Karen. “Shit, Karen,” he cursed.

Pam gave him a confused look. “I thought you broke up?”

“Yeah, no, we did. It’s just that we literally just did, like an hour ago. And she is pissed. So I guess we should just keep it cool at work until things die down on that end,” he said shoving his hands in his pockets to keep himself from touching her.

“No, you’re right. But, Jim,” she paused for a second, “What is this? I mean you come over and we both apologize for a bunch of horrible things we’ve done to each other, but what is this, you and I?”

“I mean, I guess, I thought,” he was fumbling with his words, “I thought it was clear I want to be with you. I still love you, and I’m sure I always will.”

Pam was blushing now. “Well, good,” she said, “Because I want to be with you, too, and I, umm, love you, too.”

Those words were like music to his ears and all he’s wanted to hear for years now. “Can you say that again,” he teased, “I couldn’t hear you?”

Pam sighed, “I love you, Jim.”

He kissed her again, soft and gentle this time, like he had all the time in the world.

Chapter End Notes:
So there it is. My second fic, much longer than the first. I hadn't intended it to be this long, but once I started writing, it took on a life of it's own.

I had intended on ending it there, but a thought of an epilogue a la "Phyliss's Wedding" is floating around in my head. Let me know if anyone would be interested in reading that.

Oh, and reviews make me feel all happy inside like that picture of JK from the parade shoot holding that long light thingy. The ladies from the JK board know what I'm talking about! ;)

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