Pam and Jim rode home from work in silence, exhausted from the day of surprises. Who would ever have guessed that the warehouse workers would win the lottery – and then quit!
Pam rested her head against the headrest, too tired to even care about the views of traffic along the way. She was really feeling like a huge lump, consumed by the huge round shape in the middle of her body. She didn’t even want to get out of the car to get Cece…
“Jim?” she asked as she looked over at him, noticing how serious and intense his face looked as he drove through the heavy Scranton rush hour traffic. “Hey, are you all right? Quite a day, huh?”
“I guess,” Jim mumbled, slowing down the car as they neared Cece’s daycare.
“I’m so tired. Would you go in and get her? I want to just sit here. I don’t feel like moving….”
“Sure,” Jim pulled into the drop-off area, got out of the car and disappeared into the building.
Shortly, Jim and Cece emerged, Jim babbling at Cece, and Cece giggling and putting her hand on her daddy’s face. They were obviously beyond happy to see each other.
As they drove home, Pam was silent as she tried to think beyond the fact that she couldn’t get into a comfortable place in the passenger seat. Pam implored God to make this baby arrive soon. She didn’t think she can’t wait much longer…..
Jim talked back and forth with Cece who happily kicked her feet in the back seat, every now and then hitting the back of Pam’s seat. Pam knew Cece wanted her mom’s attention, but she was just too tired…..
They arrived home at last, Jim carrying Cece into the house. Pam waddled behind, glad that she had planned ahead for dinner that night. She went into the kitchen; Jim and Cece disappeared into the living room – she soon heard cartoon voices from the TV and thought she should go in and help get Cece settled, but it was all she could do but get the dinner going. Hugs would have to wait.
“Come on, it’s ready,” Pam announced, and Jim and Cece wandered into the kitchen. Jim lifted Cece into her high chair and then stood for a moment, watching his wife bring the food to the table.
“Hey, we’re pretty quiet tonight. Is everything OK?” Jim turned to Cece who was spooning her food onto the tray of the highchair. “Hey, let’s put that food into your mouth…..”
“I’m tired. I want this baby to be born right now,” Pam replied, watching Jim tend to Cece. She soon realized that he wasn’t listening to her as he cajoled Cece into giving up her spoon. She was suddenly overwhelmed with being overwhelmed. All she could think about was going to bed and somehow finding a comfortable position for her huge body so she could go to sleep.
“Jim, could you give Cece her bath tonight? If I bend down I don’t think I can get up – and my big stomach bumps against the bathtub.”
“Hey Sweetie! How about Daddy gives you a bath! We can move all the ducks in a circle and give them a bath too.” Jim was having fun with the idea of warm bath water, ducks swimming, and making Cece laugh. He didn’t notice that Pam was clearing the table and putting the dishes in the sink. On her way into the living room, she stopped at the highchair, put her arms around Cece and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Mommy loves you, but right now I have to go and sit down.”
Searching for the remote, she flipped through the channels. Anything but the news, she thought. No reality shows, either. How about some ‘Friends’ re-runs – Pam liked to remember her fantasy life with Roy – it wasn’t her life with Roy that she remembered but the fantasy life she lived in her head that didn’t include Roy, the one that more and more began to include Jim….. She could hear Cece’s laughter and squealing and Jim’s low voice pretending to be some animal. He’s got her all revved up, she thought, and she began to worry that Cece wouldn’t go to sleep and they’d be up all night trying to settle her down --
Just then Jim came into the room, carrying a freshly bathed and beaming Cece and put her down in Pam’s lap.
“Mommy loves you. Oh you smell so good….!” Pam covered her in kisses, glancing up at Jim who stood proudly by, looking down at his precious family.
“We’re going night-night now. Give Mommy a big kiss.” Cece threw her arms around Pam and gave her a big hug as Jim scooped her up and slowly walked up the stairs to her bedroom. Halfway up her turned around and gave Pam a little wave.
Pam returned her attention to the TV screen, watching Ross and Rachel move around but not really listening to what they were saying. She wondered if Rachel will get big and huge and not be able to move and will Ross still find her interesting……Pam felt the tears coming……she never imagined that she would be 9 months pregnant with a toddler that she foisted onto her husband so she could sit and watch and cry over Ross And Rachel --
“Hey, what’s going on here.”Jim asked, appearing almost out of nowhere. He settled on the sofa next to her, putting one arm around her shoulders and his other hand resting on her enormous belly.
“How’s my other girl. Kind of tired, tonight?” He drew her close to him and kissed her cheek. He reached up and felt the tears falling down her face. “Hey, what’s going on? Why the tears?”
“I’m done. I have to have this baby now. I can’t take care of Cece – or be your wife.” She was sobbing by now. “I’m tired. I’m huge. I can’t find a comfortable position to sit. I don’t get enough sleep.”
Jim continued to draw her close as her body shuddered rhythmically from the tears. He could never bear to see Pam unhappy, and struggled to think of what to say. “I love you. It’ll be over soon. Please be happy.”
“I thought today what it would be like to live in New York City – in a brownstone,” Pam interrupted, the words shaky with sobs. “Having lots of money, a nanny, going to dinner in beautiful clothes with my handsome husband.”
“I hope it was me.”
“Silly, of course it was,” Pam finally moved into a slow smile, placing her hand on top of Jim’s hand as he slowly massaged her belly. “You, Cece and the baby were there – and I had a life as an artist, and my life was perfect…..”
“And what was I doing – like what kind of a job did I have to support such a lavish lifestyle..?”
“I don’t know…..we won the lottery.”
"You don’t know what your husband did for a living?
“Jim,” Pam gave him a serious look. “This was about me. What I was doing. You were just there.”
“Hm…. there? What was I wearing? A custom-made suit with an imported silk tie?
“Well, according to what you said today, you would have been wearing jeans and a plaid shirt so you could jump on your bicycle and peddle to your kayak on the river.”
“Ooh, that sounds nice. I’m thinking that sounds like my kind of life,” Jim said with a teasing voice.
“Here we are – with a little girl and a baby on the way – and we have entirely different wishes for our life. How did this happen? I thought we always wanted the same things?” Pam began to cry again, the tears rolling down her face. “What are we going to do? We don’t want the same things anymore.”
Jim straightened up on the sofa, facing her, removing his arm from her shoulder, taking both of her hands into his, “Pam, do you love me?”
“Of course I do,” Pam sniffled.
“Do you love Cece?’
“She’s my life, and so are you ---“
“Pam, would you go kayaking with me if I wanted you to?
“Well,” Pam thought for a moment about getting into a kayak. “ Only if you really, really wanted me to. I would learn to kayak, yes.”
“Well, living in the country sounds really good to me, but Pam, it’s just a dream. I don’t know if I’d really like it – it just sounds like freedom to me. But nothing –nowhere -- is as important to me as being with you and our children. That’s all that matters to me, “ he said with a smile.
“But what if I’d rather live in the city…?”
“Would we be with you in the city?”
“Of course, Jim, I couldn’t live without you and my children….”
“Well, our fantasies are just that – nice places to go, and as long as we take each other into our dreams, they are just that – dreams – flights from reality – you will always be with me and I hope I will always be with you. If I’m not, you let me know.” Jim stretched his arms around Pam and held her close. “I love you – and I feel the baby kicking – and he’s going to join us soon --”
“--In the brownstone,“ Pam murmured.
“I’ll attach a little bicycle seat,“ Jim answered, as he continued to hold her, stroking her hair and kissing her cheek. “Let’s be happy in each other’s dreams. I love you.”
“I love you too.” Pam knew that she had found her life. She and Jim may have different fantasies, but that it was all right as long as they were in them together.
Story Notes:
This story literally "wrote itself" with a little help from Deedldee to whom I give profuse thanks for the help.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter End Notes:
The memories of how I felt in the 9th month of my second pregnancy came roaring back when I watched Pam in 'The Lotto.' Thanks for reading my little story.
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