Exit Interview
by Steph
Summary: It was her last day. She could do what she wanted. (Kelly, Toby)
Timeline: After Season 8. This isn't really spoilery, more speculation on the future season and dealing with Kelly's last day (as Mindy is going on to her own show).
Also, I wrote a fic called Skeleton Crew awhile ago. It's not necessary to read that before this, but it is referred to a bit. In that fic, Kelly and Toby make a pact of sorts to look out for each other so neither of them will die alone.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
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In retrospect, the dress had been a bad idea. Oh she hadn’t thought that this morning when she preened in front of her mirror. The dress was bright pink and short and tight and paired with high heels she looked super hot. It was the perfect outfit to wear on her last day of work, showing her loser coworkers and her loser ex-boyfriend what they would soon be missing. Plus it was festive, and would be appropriate for all the parties and activities that she was sure were planned for the day. Her last day.
Once at work she discovered how wrong she was. There were no parties or fireworks or even a catered lunch from a fancy restaurant (and she had hinted!). There weren’t even homemade treats. There were brownies, but they were the brownies that you’d get from the bakery section of the local supermarket (and not even the gourmet market, but the normal one). The kind that were already boxed up and too sweet and had a thick layer of frosting that tasted artificial and yeah she was no snob; there had been plenty of times when during a particularly intense bout of PMS or after Ryan had done something selfish or hurtful (way too many times to count) she had scarfed those exact brownies down like it was going out of style, but not today. Today she deserved something much more special.
People were barely even paying attention to her - even with her sexy dress. Sure Erin was so depressed about her leaving and made her promise like a thousand times that they’d keep in touch, but that was silly because Erin was like her BFF at least whenever Lacy was out of town or busy and Erin was totally going to be one of her bridesmaids because Kelly was totally getting married for real this time and had the giant ring on her finger to prove it.
But Erin was the only one who seemed sad. No one else seemed to care that it was her last day because David Wallace was there and he was talking to Andy and they were having lots of meetings with lots of people and no one seemed to notice her even when she was strolling around the office, walking slowly and looking irresistible. She made the rounds a few times, seeking out Ryan to make certain he was just sick with jealousy and longing, but she couldn’t find him and realized he was probably hiding out somewhere David Wallace couldn’t find him and that pissed her off even more.
Today was like so boring. She had cleaned out her desk and was flipping though old fashion magazines when Toby stuck his head over the annex partition and asked if she wanted to do her exit interview now. And really it sounded like super boring, but what else was she doing? She sighed and rolled her eyes mostly for show and followed him to the conference room.
Which was currently locked. Toby tried the handle a few times before turning back around to face her, shrugging.
“Andy and David Wallace are in a meeting,” Erin explained from her desk. “Are you supposed to be in there too?”
“No,” Toby said. “Just an exit interview. But I guess we could do it somewhere else.” He looked at Kelly as if for confirmation. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess. Let’s just go back to the annex.”
“Andy should really be present for the interview,” Toby said as they trudged back to their desks.
“What for?” she asked. “So he can say something about how awesome Erin is, then maybe sing something, tell me something stupid about Cornell and blah blah blah?” She waved her hand dismissing the idea. “Whatever.”
He scooted his chair over to her nearly empty desk, sat down and had just opened his binder of questions when she heard it. His chair. It was squeaking a lot which was really annoying. “Let’s just sit on the floor again, okay?”
“I guess.” He sat down on the floor, his back against the wall. As she sat down, she realized that it wasn’t too easy in her dress. She frowned and pulled the hem down as far as it would go because she liked to be sexy, but she wasn’t like Meredith or anything because ew. She struggled with it, finally getting it to an acceptable length. If she stayed perfectly still the dress wouldn’t ride up too high.
“You know,” Toby said, “there’s a reason we have a dress code.”
“Whatever,” she said. “It’s my last day. I can do what I want. What are you going to do? Write me up?”
He frowned before opening the binder again. “Okay first question. What is your primary reason for leaving?”
“Duh,” she said extending her finger, giving him a good look at the ring. “I’m marrying a hot, rich doctor who told me I don’t have to work if I don’t want to. And I don’t want to.”
She had gone to lunch in a stuffy tearoom with her mother and Ravi’s mother and they had discussed the wedding and plans for the future and both mothers had agreed that Kelly shouldn’t work anymore. She had been thrilled. And then her future mother-in-law said that Kelly’s new job would be the most important job ever - being a wife and mother and keeping her husband happy and the house clean.
“Can you imagine?” she asked Toby after relaying the conversation. “Like I totally want kids, but I’m not like the maid or anything.”
“Alright,” he said. “The next question is...”
“I don’t think she likes me,” Kelly confided. “Ravi’s mom. She super old-fashioned and I don’t think she likes my clothes or whatever.”
“Sometimes in-laws can be difficult,” he said.
“Yeah,” she asked. “What did your in-laws think of you? I bet they loved you.”
He coughed, looked away from her, and finally said, “Not quite. They thought Cathy could do a lot better.”
She made a face. “Really?”
“Yeah. And I guess she eventually agreed with them.”
Well, that was depressing. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine. Now the next question...did anything trigger your decision to leave?”
She rolled her eyes again. “Yep. My hot boyfriend isn’t afraid of commitment, unlike some coworkers of ours, and proposed. And it was so awesome because it was at this really fancy restaurant and there was this soft music in the background and the food was so delicious and we were eating dessert - this molten chocolate cake thing and it was so yummy and out of nowhere he stood up and got down on one knee and everyone was looking at us and it was like I was a Kardashian but not in a trashy way and it was like the most romantic thing ever. But I told you this story like a thousand times already.” He was writing something down. “Are you writing everything I say?”
“No, of course not,” he said. “Just summarizing a bit.”
“Oh,” she said. “Hey are they hiring someone to replace me?”
He looked up from his notes. “I don’t think so, but I don’t know for sure.”
“You’re HR,” she said. “You should know these things.”
“Kelly,” he said. There was almost the ghost of a smile on his face before it vanished. “After all these years you should know I am often the last to know anything.”
She didn’t quite know how to respond to that so she didn’t. “So is my desk going to stay empty? Like a shrine?” She kind of liked that idea.
“I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe they’ll move Gabe here so he’s not so in the way.”
“Ew!” she shrieked. “I don’t want Gabe’s creepy, bony ass sitting at my desk.”
“Keep it down,” he said. “If you’re going to start insulting your coworkers...”
“It’s my last day and I can do what I want,” she reminded him. “Plus it’s just Gabe.”
“Still.” He looked down at his notes before mumbling, “Besides, you won’t be here so it won’t be your desk anymore.”
“It’ll still be my desk,” she insisted. Guys could be so dense sometimes.
He blinked at her, bemused, before saying, “It might not be Gabe. Maybe they’ll stick Nellie back here.” Another ghost of a smile, gone before she was even sure it was there. “Replace Kelly with Nellie.”
“God, I hope not,” she said. “She’s so loud and obnoxious. You’d never get any work done.” She shoved him. “Besides I’m irreplaceable dammit.”
Shoving him had not been a good idea, both because of the pained expression on his face and the fact that her dress had creeped up again. She pulled it down.
“You don’t have to sit on the floor,” he said. “Your chair might be more comfortable.”
“Yeah, but then you’d sit in your chair and your chair is super squeaky. I’ve noticed it before obviously but it’s like annoying the hell out of me today. Doesn’t it annoy you?”
“Yeah, but...” He looked at the chair, then back at her. “I guess I’m used to it and it’s not that big of a deal.”
A long time ago, back when Kelly was still kind of new and innocent and somewhat unaware of the office relationships and the fact that her boss was a total idiot, she had asked Michael if they could get some new furniture in the annex. The salespeople and accountants had recently been gifted with some new desks, but in the annex everything seemed secondhand, slightly used. Plus there was the stained carpet, the bad lighting that made it really challenging to reapply her makeup, a very squeaky chair.
Michael had listened to her request and told her that the salespeople were the moneymakers of the whole operation, and the accountants had a challenging job that determined important things like paychecks going out on time so they deserved new furniture. He also said that when they had visitors, he wanted them to see a presentable office to give a good impression and no one ever really saw the annex, and she had nodded because it made some sense.
And then Michael had smirked and said, “Also Toby is a creepy perv who doesn’t deserve nice things.”
Toby didn’t seem creepy now, just weary, as he said, “You can sit in your chair. I’ll stay on the floor if my chair bothers you that much.”
But sitting in the chair would be admitting that wearing her gorgeous yet impractical dress wasn’t the best idea and she wasn’t willing to do that so she pushed her dress down again and shook her head.
“Fine,” he said. “Next question. What was the worst part of working here?”
“Um...whenever I was fighting with Ryan. Like I’d be so happy to see him because I loved him so much and he would treat me badly. I hated that!”
“Yeah,” Toby said. “Do you have another answer? One that has to do more with the job?”
“Fine,” she said. “It’s the worst that our coworkers are losers who don’t realize how important today is and bought me stupid brownies from the stupid market that taste like crap. It’s the worst that no one cares that it’s my last day or thinks it’s worth celebrating.” He wasn’t writing this down. “What? That has to do with my job! Write it down!”
“I’m not writing that down,” he said. “Can you give me something else?”
This could take all day and she had more important things to do. Like strut around the office in the hopes that Ryan had emerged from wherever. “Fine,” she said again. In a monotone, she recited, “The worst thing about working here is the radon seeping through the vents. I can’t concentrate on doing my job because of how worried I am about this topic that no one else is concerned about.”
He flushed pink and for a second Kelly felt bad. “I know you’re making fun of me,” he said, “but I don’t care. I’m going to pretend you’re serious and note it.” He started writing. A lot more than the two sentences Kelly had provided. She stared at her ring again as she waited. Then she remembered something, something that made her sit up a little straighter, exposing more leg than she was comfortable with. She made sure Toby was engrossed with the radon novel he was apparently writing, adjusted herself, and asked, “Are you mad at me?”
He continued writing and, without even glancing her way, said, “No, but I wish you would take these questions a little more seriously. I like to think these interviews help with future hires.”
“No, not about that! I mean about the pact. Are you mad that I’m breaking our Halloween pact?”
“No,” he said, finally meeting her eyes. “Of course not.”
“I just...we promised that we would watch out for each other and not let the other person die alone. And now I’m going to leave.”
“Of course I’m not mad,” he said. “You’re getting married. I’m very happy for you.”
“Thanks!” she said, beaming. Sure when she had first gotten engaged her coworkers had all said that, but some were so fake about it because they were obviously jealous of her and her hot, rich fiance, but there was something genuine about Toby and she totally believed him.
“My life’s going to be awesome,” she said and they were both quiet and the silence stretched out and (to her at least) became sort of awkward and she wondered why he wasn’t asking her the next lame question on his list and then she thought maybe she should say something, but surprisingly he was the one to speak first.
“He seems like a nice guy,” Toby said. “Like he’ll treat you well.”
“He totally does. His mom is kind of a control freak, but Ravi’s awesome. Better than some people who shall remain nameless.” She paused. “Ryan.”
“Yes,” he said. He nodded to himself. “I’m glad. And it’s good you’re getting out of here.”
“You can get out of here too,” she said. “Maybe find another job. Or maybe one of your mystery books will sell millions and then they’ll make a movie out of it and you’ll become rich and famous.”
“That would be nice.”
“Dream big,” she said. “Or maybe this is the year you meet some smoking hot woman and you two will fall madly in love and get married and have babies and Ravi can be their doctor because he’s like the best doctor around. Just ask Jim and Pam.” She grinned. “Even without me in the annex, you won’t be dying alone.”
His returning smile was sad. “That’s sweet Kelly, but I think that ship has sailed.”
And that was like so pessimistic and awful and he had been so sweet to her about being happy for her and it was her last day here and she could do what she wanted and she might not ever see him again (except for her wedding - he had already RSVPd yes; no plus one for him of course) and the two of them were alone on the annex floor and it just seemed right to lean in and kiss him.
And it wasn’t about sex or making out because she was engaged and not a slut and she wasn’t even really attracted to Toby now, not with him looking sort of like a corpse and she didn’t even really know what it was about other than as a goodbye and maybe leaving him with a nice memory of her and leaving him with the thought that if someone as beautiful as Kelly would be willing to kiss him maybe some other woman would too. And of course this woman wouldn’t be anywhere near as beautiful as Kelly, but at least she would be single.
The kiss lasted just a few seconds and it was pleasant enough. His lips were soft and his breath was fine and she felt a little bit of warmth spreading through her. It was good to know that he wasn’t a bad kisser; she was glad he had that going for him at least.
When she ended the kiss, she leaned her head back against the wall. “Toby,” she said, shaking her head. “Toby Flenderson.”
“Kelly Kapoor,” he said and he glanced at her. “So...um...” He touched his bottom lip. “What?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “But you know what? A long time ago I kind of thought you were cute. A few years ago before you got weird and when you still were at a normal weight. Isn’t that crazy?”
“Um...” Now he was really blushing.
“Did you ever have a crush on me? What if we had gone out? Like if I had ignored Ryan. You and I could have gone out and you would have stayed normal and kind of cute and I wouldn’t have wasted years of my life on that asshole. Maybe we would have gone out. Maybe we would still be going out. Maybe we’d be married now.”
“Maybe,” he said thoughtfully. “And that’s a nice idea. But it’s probably more plausible that even if we did date, it wouldn’t have worked out. We’re too different and you would have been unhappy.”
She thought about this. He was probably right. Sure she had just found out that he could kiss okay and if she closed her eyes she could imagine him the way he had been before when he was healthy and somewhat less pathetic. But even at his best, he had always been on the serious, shy side and that might bore her. Plus he was old.
It was probably better that they hadn’t gone out, because they would have had to break up and if it had been a bad one, they probably wouldn’t still be friends and it would have been all weird in the annex and she probably would have rooted for the radon.
“Probably,” she agreed. “And no offense but I’d rather be with Ravi.”
“Right,” he said. He picked up his binder of questions. “Now I need to know the best thing about working here.”
“I don’t know,” she whined. “I don’t really feel like answering these stupid questions.”
She thought he’d be annoyed, but instead he set the binder back down. “I don’t really feel like asking them.”
She laughed. “Let’s do something else.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. We can play Dunderball.” They hadn’t played their annex game in years, but it seemed like a great way to spend her last few hours here.
“Do you know where the ball is?”
She shook her head. “I don’t have it. I just cleaned out my desk and I didn’t see it. Don’t you have it?”
“I don’t think so,” he said. “I haven’t seen it in awhile. I don’t think I brought it home for Sasha. Maybe a cleaning lady threw it away accidently.”
“Whatever,” she said. “Just thought it might be fun.”
“Maybe we could...” His voice trailed off when they heard footsteps. It was Pam, whose eyebrows went up when she found them sitting on the floor together. Sometimes Pam kind of bugged Kelly, but she and Jim were the ones who fixed her up with Ravi and she was so grateful for that so she decided to look past it.
“Hey Toby,” Pam said. “Andy and David Wallace want to meet with you. I think they want to go over the last few years from an HR perspective.”
“Okay,” he said. He stood up, using his squeaky chair for leverage. Kelly cringed at the noise. After Pam left, Kelly, who remained seated so as not to expose herself, said, “So if I don’t see you, I’ll just say bye now.”
He looked at his watch. “It’s two-thirty. I doubt I’ll be in there till five.”
“I’m probably going to leave early,” she said. “Because at this point who cares, right?”
“I should tell you that you need to stay, but...”
“Cool!” she said. She wondered if she should hug him or shake his hand, but she had just kissed him so that might be weird.
“Kelly,” he said. He put his hands in his pockets and mumbled, “I just wanted to say....uh...you were wrong about no one caring about it being your last day.”
Well, that was sweet. She wished he had been the one put in charge of the festivities, because he would have made her last day appropriately special, but no one ever thought to put him in charge. She smiled at him and no she wasn’t teary except maybe she was a bit. “Bye Toby.”
“Bye Kelly,” he said, gave her a real smile, and walked away. Alone in the annex, she stood up, pulled her dress back down and wondered what to do before she left forever. Which would so be sooner rather than later. She looked at Toby’s chair, still in her space and had the greatest idea ever.
She looked at her chair, her perfectly fine, non-squeaky, chair and pushed it over to Toby’s desk, leaving his at her desk. It only made sense. She didn’t need her chair anymore; she was destined for bigger and better things.
And despite what Michael thought, Toby deserved a nice chair. Especially if he had to sit next to a loser like Gabe or Nellie in the near future.
She’d be damned if either of those freaks got her chair.
She reapplied her makeup in the crappy light for the last time, made sure she had everything, and, feeling kind of proud of herself, left the annex.
The End
Steph is the author of 37 other stories.
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