Dear Jon:
I know sending you an email at 3:00 in the morning is pretty weird, but I have to “talk” to someone and did not want to wake you up at this ungodly hour. I’m also sorry if this is less than coherent, but I’ve not been sleeping much recently and I’m pretty upset, mainly at myself.
Remember I told you about the panic attacks I started to have at work? The ones where I felt like I could not breathe every morning when I walked into the office?
Well, the good news is that they have pretty much disappeared. The bad news is that they have been replaced by worse ones at home.
The reason the attacks at work went away was that I called Steve (my friend from college) and told him I was in on the sports marketing venture. He was thrilled and all looks good so far (really good). As soon as I made that call, I felt the claustrophobia I had been feeling at the office start to vanish, so you were right-it was feeling trapped at Dunder Mifflin that made me feel that way.
But here’s the problem, Jon-I really fucked up by making that call without telling Pam about it first, and that’s why I am having worse attacks at home.
I don’t know why I didn’t do that-I know you told me that I had to talk to her first, and I wanted to, I really did, but she seemed so set with her “our life is fine, our life is fine” mantra that I was afraid that she would just shut me down again. She just didn’t see how much I hated coming to work every day and I was too much of a coward to tell her straight out that this was something I HAD to do. So, I took the coward’s way out and called Steve without telling my wife about it first.
Pissed at me yet? Well, you’ll be more pissed when you find out that I did not tell her even after she figured out I was hiding something. So, for the first time since she was with Roy, I felt like I had to hide something from her, even when she looked me in the eyes and said “just tell me”. How stupid was that?
Before you pick up the phone and start yelling at me (I deserve it, I know), you should know that I finally did break down and tell Pam about the company and, at first she seemed ok with it. Now, however, I can see her disappointment in me and how hurt she is that I did not trust her, and I just don’t know what to do now. There’s this barrier between us I have not felt in years, and I don’t know how to break it down. I don’t want to give up on the new company, but seeing that look of pain in her eyes is just killing me.
Call me tomorrow brother-I really need to talk about this.
Love, Jim
Story Notes:
I wrote this to try and understand Jim's actions in not telling Pam he was starting a new company. This is not an apology for him-just my own version of what is in his head.
Perhaps someone else might want to write Pam's take on all this? I marked this as a round robin in case anyone wants to add that response
I had Jim writing this to our favorite fan fic brother Jon instead of one of his "real" brothers, as I could just not see him talking to them like this.
Spoiler's through Andy's Ancestry
Disclaimer- I don't own anything.
Perhaps someone else might want to write Pam's take on all this? I marked this as a round robin in case anyone wants to add that response
I had Jim writing this to our favorite fan fic brother Jon instead of one of his "real" brothers, as I could just not see him talking to them like this.
Spoiler's through Andy's Ancestry
Disclaimer- I don't own anything.
