They rode home in silence except for chatter and noise coming from the back seat. CeCe was in her new booster seat and little Phillip was tucked in his car seat, kicking his legs against the front seat where his mom was sitting. “Baa-baa-baa-“he shouted with each kick. “Stop it, Phillip!” warned Cece. She was becoming a good little “mother-type” to Phillip.
“You’re not going to talk to me?” Jim said to Pam, taking quick glances her way as he watched the road. “Phillip, stop kicking right now! Mommy’s tired and needs a smooth ride home.” Jim reached back and rested his hand on Phillip’s leg for a moment.
Phillip stopped kicking and then began smoothing his toe on the back of the seat. He missed his mommy today and she wasn’t talking to him either. “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” Phillip said in his urgent voice.
“Mommy’s here, Phillip. I love you. We’ll be home in a minute and I’ll give you a big hug,” Pam said as she turned toward the back seat and put her hand on Phillip’s leg and gave it a squeeze. “Mommy loves you, too, Cece,” she turned toward Cece and blew her a kiss.
“Does Mommy love Daddy?” Jim smiled Pam’s way, his eyes twinkling and his eyebrows moving up and down in that sexy way of his.
Pam looked out her side window. She was in no mood for sexy banter. She was having trouble understanding how her husband could have given all their life savings to this “so-important” business venture without even talking it over with her. They hadn’t so much as sat down for 5 minutes and discussed it. She told him she didn’t mind his chipping in something – maybe like $3000. But he’d put in the whole thing -- $10,000. Now they had nothing to fall back on – lots of bills to pay – daycare for two children. She could feel her body stiffen and tears were coming to her eyes. How could Jim have done such a thing!
“Hey – you didn’t answer my question,” Jim was smiling at her.
No! she thought. I’m not going to have the children see me in tears! She looked straight ahead and asked Cece if she learned a new song today. Pam and Cece sang songs the rest of the way home with Phillip shouting, “Pow, pow…” as he once again began kicking the back of Pam’s seat.
Jim decided that he’d better leave Pam to the kids. It was pretty obvious that she was upset with him, something he wasn’t used to. They’d been married almost 3 years now and had never really had a serious disagreement…..oh maybe Pam wasn’t overjoyed when he went to Tallahassee that time. But he wasn’t overjoyed either, and with her mom’s help Pam got through it. And he got through it, too, and realized how important his family was to him. They were everything……being away from Pam was so difficult…….he called her every night to hear her murmur in the phone that she loved him and missed him. He was the luckiest man in the world to have this wonderful wife and two amazing children……
Jim was jolted from his thoughts by Phillip screaming – he’d tripped on the doorstep as he entered the house – and Jim rushed to pick him up and tell him what a big boy he was getting to be and how he was going to show him how to ride his new tricycle.
The evening home after work progressed as usual – Jim playing with Phillip, Cece watching her “Princess” shows on television, Pam busy getting dinner ready. She finally called everyone to the table and dished out the food to the children, Jim helping himself to the rest of the dinner, catching glances at Pam among chatty banter with the children. Finally as the meal drew to an end, Pam began clearing the table and the kids ran into the TV room, amusing themselves with their many toys before it was time for bed.
Pam stood at the sink clearing the plates when she felt warm familiar arms around her waist and Jim’s face nuzzled into her neck. “Are you going to ever talk to me again?” Jim playfully whispered into her ear.
Pam pushed him off with her elbow. “This is not funny to me, Jim” she said seriously. “I’m very upset and afraid by what you did. I’m just furious that you didn’t talk it over with me…….” Pam suddenly left the kitchen, knowing she was in tears, and unable to speak. Running up the stairs, she entered their bedroom, closed the door, and threw herself on the bed. The tears came and flowed and she thought they would never stop. What would become of their little family without any money. Did Jim have poor judgment? Had her husband changed? The husband she had always loved so much seemed like a stranger and she felt so afraid.
Meanwhile downstairs, Jim began to slowly realize that Pam was really upset and that his warm embraces and soft kisses were not going to help. He thought the best he could do right now is be with the children, give them their baths, read them their good-night stories, and tuck them into bed. He tried to be as cheerful as possible, and when they wondered why their mommy wasn’t here, he told them that she was very tired and had to go to bed early. That seemed to be OK with them, and he hugged each of them and told them how much he loved them.
After he got them into bed, he went into the kitchen and finished up with the dishes. As he was straightening out the last of the kitchen items, the realization that he may have caused a really serious blow to their relationship slowly began to settle over him. He turned out the kitchen light and slowly went into the living room, sinking into his favorite chair.
Everything in Jim’s life was happening so fast. He closed his eyes and remembered that phone call from his college friend, so out of the blue. His friend was developing a sports marketing venture based on an idea Jim used to kick around during their college days. Jim had lots of ideas then, and he smiled at how simple life seemed in those days. When his friend called after all these years to tell him that the business was being formed in Philly and he wanted Jim to be a part of it, Jim’s mind just exploded with excitement. He knew his idea was strong and he definitely wanted to be a part of it.
He remembered his excited conversation with Pam. He was so sure that she would be excited, too, that he had trouble listening to all her reasons why it wouldn’t work. Pam! She was clearly saying ‘No’. She didn’t want him going off to Philly and leaving her with the kids. Tallahassee didn’t work. This won’t work. The sound of her voice made him feel numb and he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to yell at her and tell her that this was his chance! Someone else was going to get success from his idea! But there also was this little nagging voice that said that maybe Pam’s right and maybe it’s a stupid idea that will never work.
Jim clicked on the TV, keeping the sound low. He remembered how he agreed with Pam that it was not the time to start a new venture. He remembered how she threw her arms around him and told him how much she loved him and that another opportunity would come his way that would be even better. He remembered that he didn’t agree with her and the thought of being a part of a new business had already captured his mind and wouldn’t let go.
And he remembered the day he called his friend to tell him he was all in. He’d somehow tell Pam when the timing was right, maybe when the business looked like it was moving forward. He was so excited inside and he’d have to deal with Pam and the truth down the road. It all seemed so right – after all he was the man of the family and sometimes the man has to make the decisions……. And he just couldn’t help himself. That’s why he didn’t tell Pam what he did…..he simply couldn’t deal with her disapproval. When everything turned out all right, then he’d tell her….. And now to make matters worse she knows he put all their life savings into the venture!
Jim's thoughts were filling him with a lot of anxiety. I’ve made a real mess of things --- my finances, my marriage – what have I done? My wife won’t speak to me – maybe I have ruined my marriage. Oh God, what was I thinking?
Jim got up out of the chair and walked up the stairs to their bedroom, thinking terrible thoughts. Is my marriage over? …..Have I lost the only person I have ever truly loved?
Jim slowly opened the bedroom door and entered the room, gazing at Pam’s beautiful body curled up around a pillow, fast asleep. He could see the slip of a white tissue in her hand which told him she probably had been crying. Pam….I love you so much…please stay with me through all of this, Jim thought.
As he sat next to her on the bed, Pam roused a little and opened her eyes which were red and swollen from her tears. She looked at him and turned over so that her back was facing him.
“Pam,” Jim whispered, leaning close to her so that his face was touching her shoulder. “Please let me talk to you and tell you how much of a mess I’ve made of everything. Pam, I’m so sorry…..”
Pam responded with silence, drawing her arms in closer to her body.
“Pam, I love you. I need to talk to you right now because I’ve really, really messed up with you,” Jim whispered as he moved closer to her, spooning her with his body and stroking her arm gently as he spoke.
“No,” Pam whispered angrily as the tears began to flow once again.
“Pam, please listen to me. I messed up really bad. I got so excited talking to my friend and knew it was the right opportunity for me. I knew you were against it, so I foolishly thought I could work on the venture without you knowing and then when things were looking good, I’d tell you and you’d be happy that I went ahead…..”
Pam was crying now with no reservations, her body shaking with each sob. “Two people in a marriage are supposed to talk things over and decide things. You just went ahead even though you knew I didn’t want you to do it. How can I ever trust what you say again !
“I’m sorry. You can trust me…..I was just confused,” Jim whispered into her shoulder.
“You were doing something that you didn’t want me to know about… and you thought I’d be happy?” Pam sobbed. “How would I be happy that you lied to me?”
“Pam – I just thought everything would be OK, that once the venture was successful you would forget about how I got into it and you would just be glad I did and we would be making a really nice living and you wouldn’t have to work……”
“Did you really think that, Jim? Did you really think that money would make up for lying to me?” Pam squirmed out of Jim’s arms and sat up, her back resting against the headboard. “And how am I supposed to deal with all of our life savings gone and we have two little kids to worry about?” Pam began to cry once again.
“I can’t believe I gave them all the money. I was only going to put in $5000, but then I got to the meeting and my friend had some other smart-looking guys there and they were looking at me like ‘Who are you?’ and I was thinking, ‘Oh, I’m just the guy who thought up this idea!’ And the next thing you know I went all in. God, Pam, if only I could take that moment back. I would give anything if I hadn’t been so stupid – pretending to be the big shot – wanting those guys to know I was somebody.”
Pam was full-blown crying now, her hand covering her face and her body shaking uncontrollably.
Jim moved up beside her, putting his arms around her and drawing her close to him. “Pam, I promise I will make this all right. I am going to work very hard to make this venture work so that you will be proud of me and that the money will not be lost. I will try to do better by not hiding information from you. I will tell you everything that’s going on, good and bad. Do you believe me?”
Pam sniffled into her Kleenex, “I don’t know. Sometimes I think I don’t really know you any more.”
Jim pulled Pam into his arms. She nestled willingly into his body, her head resting on his shoulder, his arms protectively cradling her shaking body “Oh, Pam, please don’t say that. I am the same Jim who loves you more than life, who loves his children, and who loves everything about his life with you. I admit I got confused and excited when this venture came my way. Things moved along really fast and I didn’t handle them very well – I promise I’ll try to do better. Pam, nothing in life means anything if I don’t have you by my side. I messed up – and I’m sorry – and it’s going to get better.”
With this, Jim tilted her face toward his with his hand, and kissed her softly and deeply. Pam reached her arm around Jim’s shoulders and drew him close.
“I‘m so afraid, Jim,” Pam whispered into his ear. “Tell me again it’ll be all right.”
“I love you, Pam,” Jim whispered as he held her close and softly stroked her back. “I promise it’’ll be all right.”
“Do you promise that you’ll always tell me the truth?” Pam searched his eyes.
“Pam, you have my word,” Jim murmured as he nuzzled her cheek.
As they both relaxed on the bed, draping themselves over each other, Jim said in Pam’s ear, “Can we kiss and make-up now?”
Pam slowly sat up halfway, looking into Jim’s eyes. She was filled with love for this wonderful man who was always so good to her. “Absolutely, we should,” Pam murmured, as she nestled back down in his arms, wanting to be surrounded by him.
Pam knew that marriage needs trust, but that it also needs a lot of faith.
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Story Notes:
This little story might have happened after Here Comes Treble when Jim and Pam got home from work. I hope you will enjoy this since we don't have an episode this week.
Chapter End Notes:
I'm not a writer -- this just rummaged around in my head. I hope you enjoy this little story since we don't have an episode this week.
