I'm standing in the doorway watching Michael eat his muffin, because he told me that it's essential for workers to see "how the boss gets it done." He removed the sausage part and has been staring at it for the past 30 seconds. "Hey boss, I'm going to go get set up," I tell him, backing out of the room. It's easy up close to tell why the characters on the show get weirded out by Michael Scott. Even though everyone is written out, right? "Ok kid," he replies, eyes still trained on the muffin. I walk out of his office and take in the room. It's hard to believe this is all happening. I slapped myself at least ten times in the drive through at McDonalds, trying to wake myself up from this fantasyland. Didn't work. Now I'm standing up front by the receptionists desk, looking out at the office. I can see where Jim and Pam exchanged glances, and the break room, and the shitty copier that the characters are always complaining about. Another thing I notice is the cluster of three desks where Dwight and Jim sit on the show, as opposed to two. It must be either season 3 or sometime later in the show where Pam is a salesman. Or maybe it's my new desk, who knows. I decide it's the latter and just throw my stuff down. The clock reads 8:45, so no one is in yet. I'm sitting at the desk, listening to Michael Scott chewing loudly on an Egg McMuffin when it finally hits me. I'm in another world. If I'm not dreaming, and this isn't some elaborate prank, the reality I had known for almost 2 decades is gone. I might not see my family and friends ever again. Why the fuck did this happen. I slap myself again for good measure, but I'm still sitting there at the desk of a fictional office. 

Michael- "Why hello, Pamela! Early bird gets the worm! Am I right?"

Pam (or the actor who plays her on the show, I'm still not quite sure) just walked in. She looks tired and not ready to deal with Michael's shit.

Pam- "Hi Michael! *fake smile* Um, who is this?"

She sits down at the receptionists desk and I realize this must be in season 3. I'm kind of zoned out and it takes a minute to process that she's asking about me. 

Michael- "This is-"

I stand up and cut him off. 

Kade- "Hey, I'm Kade. The new temp. And you are...?"

I'm politely smiling at her. And asking questions I already know the answer of. 

Pam- "I'm Pam, the receptionist around here. It's nice to meet you Kade." 

Michael- "Is that any way to treat our new friend Pam... come on."

Pam- "Uhh" she extends her hand. "Hello?"

Michael- "No, God, Pam. Give him a hug. Wait, no, me first." 

He's smiling like an idiot with his arms wide open. 

Pam- "No, Michael, no!" 

The awkward moment continues as Michael is still standing there, a fixed smile on his face and his arms still outstretched. After about 10 seconds of neither of them moving, Pam sighs and walks back to the reception desk. Michael turns to me and whispers "She's the hot one."

5 minutes later, Jim walks in. He walks over to where I'm sitting and stops, looking at me curiously. 

Jim- "Heyy, dude. This.. Is my desk."

I look up; behind Jim, Pam watching our conversation with mild interest.

Kade- "Sorry? The boss told me to sit here, I'm the new temp."

Jim- "Here.. Let me fix that for you."

He takes the empty briefcase Michael had given me 15 minutes ago for "appearances" and puts it on the adjacent desk. The one he sat at for basically the whole series.

Jim- "My branch in Stamford merged with this branch a month ago, and I have been sitting at this desk all month." 

Jim's looking really pissed. At this point it's only Pam, him and me in the room. Michael's in his office with his door shut. I decide to fuck with him.

"I just thought you would want a view of the cute receptionist," I say with a chuckle, and in a fake whisper that carries across the room. 

Jim looks beyond pissed. Behind him, Pam glances down with a sad look on her face. I would feel like a dick, but this isn't real life. They're paid actors. Right?

Jim (John, idk?) leans in, and in a real whisper, so that Pam can't hear, says "No, man. I have a girlfriend. And she's great." He stands up simultaneously pulls my chair away from the desk with both hands. "This is my seat, he says, gruffly. Who am I to mess up the storyline, I guess. 

I decide to make a customer call at 8:55. It's only been ten minutes and I'm already bored. I type in my dads number, desperate that he'll pick up, but instead a gruff voice that is not my father answers the phone. "Hello," I open. "This is Dunder-Mifflin, leading Paper retailer of the North East." I pause, and can hear the guy on the other line eating something. Eggs, maybe. "You have paper needs, we have the paper," I continue, reading off the script. "Umm yeah. We.. Actually need paper. It's funny you called," the guy says. "How much can I get you, sir? What type?" I ask. "It has to be thick," he says. "And get me 40 reams. We're having this harvest festival thing.. And we need a lot of paper. To make posters." His voice seems oddly familiar. "Ok great!" I respond, a little too excited. But come on, I made a sale on my first call. "Can you give us a name, and an address to ship it to?" The guy on the other line coughs and is about to respond when Michael slams his palm down on my receiver, ending the call. "Hah PRANKED!" He yells, laughing hysterically. He actually falls to the ground and starts rolling around, still laughing. What the fuck.

In the next few minutes, Kevin, Angela, and Toby all come in. I go out of my way to greet all of them, while also introducing myself and saying something nice. I don't want to start off on the wrong foot with them like I did with Jim. The TV show doesn't do their personalities justice. Kevin really isn't as stupid as he is perceived, and we have a nice conversation about the Phillies 2008 pennant hopes. I tell him that I think "they'll win it all this year, probably over the Rays." 

Kevin- "No way, man! They didn't even make the playoffs last year. And the Rays SUUCK."

Kade- "Honestly, I would put money on it. I just have a hunch."

Kevin- "Mmm no. Absolutely no chanc-"

*Kevin, did you see back to the future 2? You are throwing away the fucking sports almanac that made that dick guy Biff a bazillionaire. Dammit Kevin.*

Kade- "coughPhillies in 5 Cole Hamels MVPcoughcough"

As Kevin and I are talking baseball, Karen walks into the room. Pam looks up with a cheery smile, ready to greet her, but Karen ignores her and walks right to Jim's desk. 

As the saying goes, "BOOM ROASTED".

Karen and Jim exchange a few words and they both laugh heartily. This must be season 3, I deduce. That means that Jim and Karen are dating and Pam just broke off her engagement with Roy. I hear Jim say "that's the new temp" and look up to see him pointing at me. I smile and start to introduce myself but Karen beats me to the punch.

Karen- "Hey, how are you? I'm new here too, me and Jim and a few other people just moved down from the Stamford branch."

Kade- *chuckles* "Well, I'm Kade. You must be Ann, I've heard so much about you from..."

Oh shit... Did I just say that. Fuck I've been watching too much Parks and Rec. Karen, not Ann, dammit, is staring at me with a weird expression that I can't quite place. It quickly changes to confusion when she notices me looking at her. I must have just trailed off mid sentence after realizing my fuck up, because Pam pipes up her from her desk.

Pam- "No, Kade, her name's Karen. Beginners mistake." 

A few people laugh and everyone more or less goes back to their work. When I look up I catch Karen looking at me, the same expression on her face as before. She looks away immediately and starts cheerfully talking to Jim again. Weird.