Dwight
   Dwight entered the office , lunch in hand, and stopped, mildly surprised by what he saw. Pam was sitting alone at her desk, eating a sandwich, and holding a book with her other hand.        

    " Pam?"
She jumped, and quickly dropped the book to her lap. She blushed.

   "Dwight! You scared me. I didn't hear you come in."
    Dwight grinned. "Stealthy, like a cat. Good thing I'm not a predator, Miss Beesly."
      "Halpert," she corrected.
    "I hate that name," he countered. "Anyway, what are you doing?"
     "Well, Mr. Schrute, whose name I don't hate, obviously I'm eating my lunch."
    "Saucy little wench, aren't you, Mrs. Halpert? I meant: Why are you alone? Why aren't you eating in the breakroom? Where is your disgusting husband?"
    Pam enjoyed this back and forth with Dwight- that is when Jim wasn't around. When he was, they both got a bit mean spirited, which she did not enjoy.
      "Jim has a lunch with a potential client......"
      "With whom ,Jim will fail." Dwight interrupted.    

  "Dwight, I wish you would both just stop. You guys are the top 2 salesmen in the office. You could be good friends, if you would both try."
    "He embarrasses me on a daily basis with his pranks. But you haven't answered my question about the breakroom."
   "I'm coming back to the subject about you and Jim afterwards, but the reason I don't eat in the break room is this- I'm tired of the gossip, the drama, just the people. I'd rather eat alone."
  At that, Dwight got a little smile on his face. He pulled a small booklet from his shirt pocket, wrote something, and put it back, smiling at Pam the whole time.
    "What's that?"
   "What's what? I don't know what you are talking about."
   "Dwight!"
   "No idea."
   "Damn it Dwight. No games."
   "Games? I don't play games."
His smirking was getting to Pam. "Either tell me what you wrote or this conversation is over!"
  Pam had played her trump card and it worked, He would never admit it , but he had a little crush on Pam.
   "Ok ,OK. But you can't tell anyone, not even Jim."
   "Ooh! I'm getting excited!"
"  As well you should, Pamela! This is my Dunder/Mifflin employee grade book. All personnel start out with 50 points. Points are added or subtracted by positive or negative items. For example, a sale, a good judgment, a professional act would all merit points, while bad choices, acts of nonsense, etc. cause points to be deducted. You just received one point for avoiding the breakroom at lunch. Good judgment."
   Pam is amused, and decides to play along.
   "Exciting. So you are the one who handles the points?."
   "Who else, Pam? Think about it. Who else could be accurate and impartial?"
   "Only you, Dwight. Why don't you join me? Have a seat." Pam was thoroughly amused. Dwight was so serious.
   Dwight acted nonchalant, but in truth, he was thrilled.
   "Don't mind if I do, and another point for you. Good taste." He sat, a big smile on his face. He pulled out a sandwich, with a strong fishy odor.
   "Lutefisk," he said, "Bite?"
   "No thanks," Pam laughed.
   "You'll like it C'mon be adventurous."
   "Know what? I'll try it. What the Hell!" Pam felt a bit reckless. Eating with Dwight,(Jim would have a fit.), eating that smelly fish. This was actually fun!
   "Just a little of your sandwich," Pam said.
   "Your wish is ..." Dwight smiled as he cut off a small bit of the sandwich. He pulled out his book
   "Another point for you. Trusting me."
   "OK Dwight, how many points do I have?"
   "Don't worry. For now it means nothing. Until I show Michael and he adopts it as our evaluation instrument."
   "And what is my score?" Pam repeats.

     "Pam, you lost a lot of points marrying Halpert."
   "Dwight!"
   "With these 3, you have 42."
   "WHAT! 42. That's terrible! Give me your book." Pam was laughing. She was having fun.
   "My book? No one sees my book."
   "Now, Dwight! Or do I get rough?"
   Dwight handed her the book.
  "You just saved yourself a butt- whipping."
   Pam was loving this and Dwight was stunned by the sweet little Pam bossing him around. No wonder Halpert came to work smiling everyday!
"  OK ,Baby boy, you lose 2 points. Messin' with this beyotch!
   Dwight was stunned (and a bit turned on!) Pam? A woman? Ordering him around!
"  How was your lutefisk?" He tried to change the subject.
   "Pretty good, actually. But back to the points. How many do you have?"
   "98- Thanks to you."
   " 98! You had 100 ? Well, don't mess with me, Big D or I'll take more!"
   "Big D. I like that," Dwight replied.   "Big D. What could I call you? How about Little P?"
   They both laughed.
   "Don't you dare!" Pam cried out.
   "PB?"
   "No! Nothing with P."
   "Well, let's think."
   They sat quietly, both enjoying the moment.
   "Dwight?" Pam broke the silence. "Today's been fun. Why can't it always be like this?"
   "Easy. One word. Jim. His constant ridicule of me. His pranks!"
   "You take his pranks seriously? It's just in fun."
   "Do you think I'm a frivolous clown?   That I like the whole office laughing at me?"
   Pam was surprised. The friendly atmosphere was melting away.
   "I am a serious person. I take my job, my relations, my life seriously."
  "But you prank us too."
   "Only in retaliation, Pamela. If you stopped, so would I."
   "Wow!" Pam exclaimed. "I didn't know."
   Dwight was quiet. His smile was gone.
   "Dwight. I can stop the pranks. If you will, I will," Pam said softly.
   "But what about Jim? He likes it so much and, as much as I hate to admit it, he's good at pranking, far better than I. He'd never stop."
    "Oh yes he would. Maybe not right off. But a few nights on the couch might make him reconsider."
   "You'd do that for me?" Dwight felt goosebumps.
   "Dwight, I have had fun today. I would love to have you at lunch everyday. It might take some time for you and Jim to be ok with each other, but it could work. I know it could."
   Dwight opened his booklet.
   "Forget about the points. Shake my hand. Friends?" Pam held out her hand.
   Dwight had never shaken hands with a woman. His father would roll over in his grave. But, almost without thinking, he reached and took Pam's tiny hand in his.
   "Friends."
   As they shook, Pam's book fell to the floor. She scrambled to pick it up, and quickly put it in her desk drawer.
"What are you reading?
  "Nothing. Not important."
   "Pam!"
   "Dwight, please!"
 " I showed you mine."
" Pam had to laugh. "Promise you won't laugh?"
   "Scout's honor."
   "OK, "Pam sighed. She pulled a small book from her desk.
   Dwight got a huge grin on his face.
   "You said you wouldn't laugh," Pam giggled.
   Dwight pulled out his book.
  "Oh, I'm not laughing. I am awarding you, Mrs. James Halpert,  with TEN points, never done before!"
   "For reading a book?" Pam was amazed and actually starting to buy into Dwight's point system.
    "Not just a book, but Pokeymon Essential!"
"  Really? I was afraid that people would laugh at me and call me a nerd."
"  Pam, first of all, anyone who laughs at Pokeymon is a limited, irrelevant human being. Nerd is a badge of honor,and only other nerds ,like myself ,would understand. I never dreamed that you, Miss Fancy, would be so intelligent. No offense."
   "None taken. But I got into Pokeymon because I like to draw the creatures, and I think I'm pretty good at it. I am reading the book to understand the game, the history, the powers. I'm very interested, but a lot of it is beyond me. I think I need a tutor."
   Dwight looked thrilled.
   "Pam, you continue to amaze me. I am the number one authority on Pokeymon in Scranton. I spend hours most weekends traveling to various card shops, looking for competition. I seldom find anyone close to my level. I would be glad to take you under my wing."
   "What would you charge?"
    "You couldn't afford me. But we could make a deal."
   "What kind of deal?"
   "Well, one of my interests is to publish a beginner's guide to Pokeymon. The ones I've seen are too complex."
    "Tell me about it," Pam added.
   So, I think I can do this, and put out an outstanding book, but I have one problem."
"  Which is?"
   "I can't draw. As you know, I'm very talented in almost anything I set my mind to, but I cannot draw. So I need an illustrator. Illustrators charge a small fortune, and I'm not in a position to shell out the big bucks. But if you are any good, I'll tutor you in return for the drawings I need. Then, if we publish, we'll split the profits-60-40."
   Pam was getting very excited.
   "I would love that! But how about 50-50?"
   "Pam! I've never gone 50-50 to anyone on anything. My blind grandmother used to make quilts. They were amazing, especially when you realize that she couldn't see. I would sell them at craft fairs. She was my grandmother, she did 90%of the work, and I only gave her 45%."
   Pam laughed. She never thought Dwight was very interesting. But this was a fascinating lunch.
   "Stlll, 50-50 or I walk"
   Dwight looked at Pam. Hardly more than a girl, Pam was about to back him down again!
   "How about 52-48 and you get 15 points?"
   Pam had to stifle a smile.
   "Screw the points! 50-50!"
    At this, they both broke out in laughter.
   "Well played, Pam. Tell me, does Jim ever win with you?"
    "Sure. If I let him."
   "You are a tart. OK, 50-50. That is if we make any money at all."
"  And who cares," Pam said, "it'll be fun."
   It got quiet as they finished their lunch. Dwight looked at the clock. Five minutes. Some of the others were coming back to their desks, more than one looking questions at Pam and Dwight. Suddenly, Dwight had an idea.
   "Pam, I've got a proposition for you."
   "But I'm married, you bad man," Pam said in a falsetto voice.
   "Not that kind of proposition, you mo..." He caught himself. Pam was no moron. She had proved herself. He would treat her with respect.
"  You mo..motoring, uh, motoring Mama!"
   "What?"
   "Nothing. I have an offer that will blow your mind."
   "Blow your what?" Creed was passing by.
     "Nothing, Creed," Dwight uttered." Keep walking."   

    He turned to Pam. "Breakroom's empty. Let's talk in there."
   She followed him in.
   "Pam. I'm going to make you the offer of a lifetime! Tomorrow is Friday. Go home at 5, freshen up, be to my farm by 6. Then, you get a tour of Schrute Farm, guided with commentary by me! An experience no one else has ever had."
  " Wow," Pam was impressed.
"   There's more! While we are touring, Mose will be preparing dinner, a smorgasbord of exotic foods, unlike anything you can imagine!"
   Pam felt goosebumps. "Dwight, I feel chills!"
"  Just wait! On our tour, you will notice a room with a lock on it. This is The Schrute Room of Artistic Masterpieces! No one outside the Schrute family has seen these treasures. After dinner, I will escort you through the paintings,statuettes, sculptures, etc. Like the farm tour, I will provide mesmerizing commentary.  You, young lady, with your love of art, will fully appreciate both the artistry and the stories behind them. Are you in?"
"  Oh, Hell yes. But what about....?" At that moment, the door opened.
   "JIM!" Dwight called out."Have I got a deal for you!"
   Dwight repeated the whole plan. Jim seemed very interested, but maybe not for the same reasons as Pam.
   "Dwight. I would love to go." Jim winked at Pam. She didn't smile or wink back.
   "I need to talk to Michael about today's deal, which I closed!"
   "I knew you would," Dwight blurted, as he walked Jim to the door. Pam and Jim were both coming to his farm.     Dwight was jazzed until he turned and saw Pam.
   Pam looked like a different person. Her smile was gone, her shoulders sagged in disappointment.
   "Pam. What's wrong?
  "Oh, nothing-I guess." Her tone clearly showed dejection.
    "Pam! The truth!"
"   It's just that I wanted it to be just me. I know that sounds selfish. I love Jim, but he'll just make this into a big joke.He's not into art. He'll just be a clown the whole time. Didn't you see him wink at me? That's our prank signal. I was excited, but now...." Her voice trailed off, her eyes tearing.
   "Pam, I had no idea that you were so interested or that you didn't want Halpert along. I only invited him for you."
   "I know and that was sweet. But Jim is a smart ass, and I can see he's already making plans. I admit I'm usually his partner, but not this time. This is stuff I really want to see. And I want to hear your commentary without Jim's remarks. I love him, but sometimes I wish he'd take something serious, besides the damn Phillies!"
     Dwight moved over, sat beside her, and put his arm around her.
  "Pam, I'm flattered that you feel that way. I'm not sure what to do. I can't uninvite him."
  "No. It'll be ok. I'll talk to him tonight." She didn't sound convincing.
  " I know- I'll take points."
  She grinned and shook her head up and down. They both laughed, and
hugged quickly.
    "Well, back to work," Dwight observed.
    "Darn," Pam mumbled. Dwight didn't know how to interpret that, but he knew one thing: he had never been so excited about anything as he was about Friday night!
   Jim was also excited. He kept talking on the way home about the gags he planned to pull.
     "Jim." Pam said after a few miles. "Dwight has really worked hard on his farm and the art room."
   "And?"
   "Well, maybe we should give him a break. You know, not prank him."
  "Seriously, Pam! This is the chance of a lifetime."
   "But Jim, he hates pranking."
   "Right. That's why he crossed the wires in our car last week. It took an hour to figure it out."
   "I know. But talking to him today, he wants to stop, if we will,"
   "You believe him?"
   "Yes, actually I do."
   They sat in silence for a bit.
   "Could you try?"
   Jim grinned, "I could try, I guess. But no guarantees. A whole night of listening to Dwight babble will be hard to take.,"
     "Jim, please."
   "OK, I'll try. Why is it so important to you?"
   "Well, first, it's about art..."
   "Wait! Do you really think he will know what he's talking about? Dwight will probably just make his stories up."
   "He might, but I ate lunch with him today. He's actually a pretty neat guy. He knows more than you think."
   "I will try." Jim patted Pam on the leg.
   Pam was a tigress in bed that night. Fortunately, Jim was having an orgasm, when Pam cried out a different name, and he didn't notice!
   Friday seemed to drag to all three, but 5 finally came. Jim and Pam drove home, fed their fish, and headed over to Schrute Farm. Mose and Dwight were waiting on the porch.
   "Jim and Pam," Dwight began, "Welcome to Schrute Farm. Prepare for the experience of a lifetime!"
   Dwight, as usual, was overly loud and dramatic.
    Jim got that mischievous look on his face. Pam noticed.
   "Jim.," she whispered. "You promised!"
   "To try. I promised to try. But this is too good!"
   It was too good----for Jim. He lasted  about 15 minutes.
   Dwight was showing them their bedroom, the irrigation room.
   "What's that, Dwight, The irritation room? aggravation room? The constipation room?"
   It had started. Jim had tasted his     comedy, and he wasn't going back.
   By dinner, Pam was fed up. Jim had been a pain. Dwight, to his credit, had ignored Jim as much as possible. But he was getting fed up too.
   Everyone filed into the dinning room, and took a seat.
   "Boy, am I hungry."Pam tried to lift the mood. "What's for dinner?"
   Dwight got a huge smile. "Get ready," he advised.
     "To start: the appetizer," he hesitated for effect-"fried tarantula!"Jim looked stunned. Pam had to cover her giggle.  She knew Dwiight would be outrageous, and she wasn't going to flinch.
     "The main course will be bird's nest soup and frog leg pie!"
  Jim's look had turned to a green, sickly  presence. Pam stared defiantly at Dwight.
   "Bring it on!" She said.
   "I can't eat that," Jim said.
     "Then for you, Jim, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."
  Mose brought out the sandwich and put it on Jim's plate. The others were served, and eating began.
   Although Pam, when done, knew she would never eat these foods, by choice, she got them down, and they were edible. Dwight was again impressed by the litte receptionist.
  "Now," Dwight shouted after the dishes were cleared, " the grand event of the evening-The Schrute Room of Artistic Masterpieces!"
  Pam was so ready. She turned to say something to Jim. But Jim stared straight ahead, glassy-eyed.
  "Honey? Are you OK?"
  "Yeah, just real sleepy, all of a sudden."
   Dwight walked over, "Jim, do you need to lie down?"
   "Maybe for a few minutes." He tried to rise but fell back to hjs chair.
 "He's drunk," Mose shouted.
  "No," Dwight spoke," he just couldn't take the excitement."
  Dwight and Mose carried Jim to the irrigation room. Jim was already snoring.
  "Is he OK?"Pam asked.
  "He's fine," Dwight said with a smile. He'll sleep for 3 to 4 hours, that's all."
  What did you do, Dwight?" Pam was getting mad.
  "I gave him a dose of melatonin."
  "What's that?"
  "It's an herb, harmless, makes one very sleepy. I checked with Jim, right after lunch, to see if he had had it before. He has had it with no problem. You can Google it, if you want more proof. Pam, I would never endanger Jim." 

 Pam did go online, and  finally, convinced that Jim was safe, she was ready. Dwight took her elbow, and led her into the room.
  Pam was overwhelmed. So many things, so eclectic, and Dwight had a story for each one. Some seemed made up, like Jim had said, but big deal. They looked, talked, had a great time. It was a blast, an artistic feast.
NOTE TO READERS

I have two endings:
Ending A which is a spicy end, guaranteed to piss off Jim fans,(if I haven't already.)
Ending B: bland, sweet, truer to the real Jim and Pam.
Readers ,you choose. If you care, review, send in your vote. If I get any votes, I will declare the official ending on June 15. If not, call your own.
Ending A
  Late in the evening, Dwight finally  got Pam's pantIes off, and noticed the label: Vjctora's Secret. He had a farfetched tale of where the name came from. But when they were done, Pam( panties back on) entered the irrigation room, where Jim still slept, and she realized that she didn't care if the stories were true, she didn't care at all!
Ending B
  As they toured, the door opened, and a sleepy Jim walked in.
  "Sorry I'm late."
  Dwight smiled."Jim,I'm glad you are up. Got something to show you."
He walked over to a spiral notebook, and  handed it to Jim.
  Jim's eyes almost popped out of his head. "Baseball cards!! Phillies!"
  "Not just any Phillies, The Whiz Kids," Dwight added.
  "Wow, Dwight! You know the Whiz Kids?"
  "1950,Jim. Like them?"
  Jim nodded.
  "Then they are yours."
  "What?" Jim and Pam said together
"Dwight, those are expensive."
    " I care not about money. But one condition. Pam and I are going to be writing a book. We'll need a lot of time, and a lot of your patience. The cards are in trade for your cooperation. Deal?"
  "Deal!"
   Pam's smile fairly lit up the room.
  Maybe they could become friends.
Jim put his arm around Pam. Dwight smiled.
  "That's quite a little lady, you've got,Halpert."
  "Don't I know it, Schrute. Don't I know!"