The Dundies are, without a doubt, the weirdest part about working at Dunder Mifflin. Jim finds it incredibly weird that Michael would name the awards after the company, since they're not company-wide (that's a scary thought). He knows that Michael loves Dunder Miffilin - probably more than Dunder and Mifflin themselves - but it's still a bit much.

He likes the Dundies a bit, though he'd never say it out loud, because he kind of likes his co-workers. Not all of them, obviously, but enough of them that a night out at a cheesy restaurant isn't so bad, even with Michael making up songs about everyone and giving slightly offensive trophies away.

He doesn't like the Dundies so much because Roy always comes. Roy works in the warehouse, so Roy is technically Dunder Mifflin, but Jim has always felt like the guys in the warehouse aren't his co-workers. Not even just Roy, but the whole lot of them. He knows they feel the same - their work is entirely different, they rarely mingle. So seeing them at an event like the Dundies is a bit off-putting, and the fact that Pam and Roy sometimes get all snuggly in a corner booth certainly doesn't help.

So when Roy leaves the Dundies and Pam stays, Jim is...thrown off guard, to say the least. He knows, from watching poor Pam watch all of the footage from previous years earlier, that this isn't an evening Pam has been looking forward to. And yet, she stayed. Ryan had just gotten up to use the restroom and suddenly Pam was in his seat. Jim likes Ryan just fine, but he obviously prefers Pam in the seat across from him.

When Pam starts slinging back drinks like they're water and she's on her third day in the desert, however, Jim starts to get a little worried. She seems to be holding up just fine, if a little giggly, and he knows she's not driving home, so he tries to relax.

"And I feel God in this Chili's tonight," she's saying into the microphone. And then she's running back to him, hugging him-

And then she's kissing him.

It's quick, it's over almost as soon as it starts. No one else seems to even have noticed. Maybe because Jim is so tall, he's blocked their view. Maybe they think she kissed him on the cheek.

But she didn't.

And suddenly Jim is stuck thinking about her soft lips kissing his, the smallest amount of pressure. He's thinking about how casual and easy it was for her to do that. He's thinking about how that could so easily be real, and normal. And now he's imagining that other life, the one he thinks of often, where Pam casually kisses him all the time. Where he gets kisses from Pam at breakfast, while she makes the eggs and he cooks the bacon. Where she kisses him for luck before he leaves for a sales call. Where she kisses him all the time because she's his and he's hers and-

And then he's back at the Dundies, with a drunk Pam who won't even remember in the morning that she's kissed him.

"A great year for the Dundies," he's telling the crew. He mentions Michael's antics, but really he's thinking about that kiss. He knows the crew caught it. He can see the way they're all looking at him. Some of them are angry, the ones who like Roy, the ones who don't like Jim for some reason or another. Some of them look...nervous? Like they're going to get in trouble for seeing something they shouldn't have. Most of them, though, look happy for him. They're looking at him as if to say, "Good job, kid, you did it!"

But he hasn't done anything. Pam is drunk and it was nothing, and he has to keep reminding himself of that.

And then Pam is on the floor and Dwight is trying to take his shirt off, and suddenly this great night is tainted with...weird pictures in his head.

But the kiss is still at the forefront of his mind. And he knows it will be for a long time.

"Can I ask you a question?" she says before she gets into Angela's car.

Do you like me? Do you love me? If I broke up with Roy, would you be with me? Will you remind me in the morning that I kissed you, and tell me how you felt about it? What happened with Katie? You never mentioned her again and I'm curious and jealous.

He's wracking his brain, trying to think of all of the things that Drunk Pam Who Kissed Him could want to ask him right now, and there are millions of possibilities.

"I just wanted to say thanks," she's mumbling out, while he's still thinking.

"That's...not really a question," he laughs it off, gets her safely into Angela's car.

He knows she won't remember that kiss, but he also knows it's all he's going to think about for a long time.

He's still thinking about it when she tells him that her mom is coming to visit. He is stuck somewhere between fantasy and reality - he wants her to introduce him to her mother, but he wishes it were under different circumstances. He keeps imagining a world where Pam has already told her mom so much about him. And not in the same way he knows she's told her mom about her co-workers. Pam is close with her mom, so Jim is sure she's heard all about Dwight's mustard colored shirts and Angela's uptight attitude. But he wants to know that Pam has told her mom all about Jim's smile, about how kind he is, how respectful.

But he knows he's probably just another co-worker to Pam's mom.

He's about to introduce himself to her when Roy walks in. And, as always, Jim hates him just a little bit more every time he sees his dumb face.

Roy is clean-shaven, with product in his hair. He's wearing a sweater. This guy has been dating Pam for half their lives, and he still needs to suck up to her mom.

He's just used the word 'tunes,' and now Jim thinks he might be sick.

"So, which one is Jim?" he hears Pam's mom whisper.

Oh. So maybe she has talked about him. He listens to see if she'll ask who anyone else is, but Pam just makes an embarrassed mumble and shrugs her mom off. And now Jim is smiling because even though Pam's mom has clearly fallen for whatever fake nonsense Roy puts on whenever she's around, Pam has still talked to her about Jim enough to to make her ask who he is.

He wants to know what Pam has said. He's suspected before that his feelings weren't entirely unreciprocated. But now...well do women go around talking to their moms about "just friends" from work?

Jim is in a rut. He isn't feeling motivated, he's bored. And then the Office Olympics idea comes to him, and it checks off all of his important qualities in a time-wasting task:

-Involves avoiding work at all costs

-He could probably - definitely - get in trouble for it

-He can work on it with Pam

-Pam likes the idea

Okay that's pretty much everything.

Michael and Dwight are out for the day, so it's the perfect chance to distract the entire office at once. Angela declines, unsurprisingly. But Pam makes these cheesy medals out of her Mixed Berry yogurt lids and paper clips and she's so excited about it and that makes Jim even more excited than he already is.

He makes a cheesy opening ceremonies speech and he tries his hardest not to look directly at Pam the whole time. But she's beaming at him and he loves her smile and-

And he flounders and stumbles over the end of his speech, but she's still smiling and he's still excited and the events can begin.

It's a shame that Michael and Dwight come back early, that everyone immediately gets back to work. It's a bigger shame that he's so good at his job that he cranks out the bare minimum for a good day at work in the matter of an hour or so. If he really tried, he can't imagine how well he would do here. But...he also doesn't want to imagine that. Yikes.

Everyone is back to work like the fun of the morning never happened. He was so invested in this - and he's not sure why - but the disappointment of everyone acting like it didn't happen is really crushing. Maybe it's because it's the first time he's worked on something with Pam in a long time. He's been seeing Katie, trying to back off of Pam, but it's not working as well as he was hoping it would.

So he asks her to continue ignoring her work, is far from surprised when she readily agrees. He decides to do something nice for Michael and, he guesses, Dwight. Not because Michael and Dwight are his favorite people, but because Michael seems really down. And because if he does something nice for Dwight, maybe Dwight will back off of him for once. Not likely, but possibly. And because he had a lot of fun that morning, dammit, and he doesn't want it to end on such a sudden, sour note.

So Pam makes some more medals, and folds up some doves. God, she's such a genius, she even rigs up a way to make it look like they're flying behind Michael's head. And it's such a small, dumb thing, but Michael looks so happy, and Jim feels better about the day because of it.

Maybe he should start doing nice things for people besides Pam. Maybe it always feels this good.

Maybe.

A week later, Jim is reminded of that twinge of jealousy from when he first told Pam he was taking Katie out. He sees it in her eye when she transfers Katie's call to him from reception. He hears that same jealousy in her voice when she tells him,

"You can just give her your extension."

He knows she's trying to sound nice, trying to sound like it would be easier for everyone involved. But he also knows she is just a tiny bit jealous, even if she won't admit it to herself just yet.

And you know, in a way, Jim finds it unfair that she's jealous of Katie. Jim has had to watch Pam flaunt her relationship with Roy for months, for years. He's had to sit there and watch him kiss her, tickle her, touch her, while Jim is stuck at his desk, forever on the sidelines. So, let her be jealous. She still has Roy. Jim still has an empty feeling in his heart when he sees them together.

But he dates Katie anyway. Katie is nice, and so cute, and funny, and smart. They have fun together, and Katie clearly has feelings for Jim. Jim isn't sure if he has feelings for her yet. But, that's normal. It's only been about six months.

Normal.

When the guys at work say they would "do" Pam, Jim is immediately uncomfortable. When they press him for his answer, his heart starts racing.

Pam. But he wouldn't just "do" Pam. He would love her, he would make love to her, he would make sure she-

"Kevin," he's saying because he can't even joke about Pam, about any female in the office. Why did he pick this dumb game to begin with?

And then Roy joins them, and Jim is ready for his gross response. Ready for Pam to kiss him, as they stand right next to Jim, as always. Even with Roy around, Pam automatically stands next to Jim.

"My name is Angela," the petite accountant is saying.

And Jim really shouldn't be surprised. Why would Roy say something nice, like the fact that, given the choice, he would still sleep with his own, actual, real life fiance? No, Roy would have to pick someone else, have to say something that would make Pam uncomfortable. That's just...who Roy is.

Katie pulls up a little while later and Jim is so thankful because he can finally leave this awkward get-together, which he started, really, with these games. But he wants to leave so badly now that Roy is here and Jim hates Roy so damn badly.

But then Katie says that she's come up with her answers and Jim has another idea - instead of leaving, he can play Pam at her own game.

"Legally Blonde," Katie is saying and Jim wants to smack himself in the face. Pam laughs and Jim knows they have to leave. His plan has backfired, and Pam is now sitting smugly in her throne, as the queen of the game of Making the Other One Jealous. And she grabs Roy's face and kisses him as they leave, assuring Jim of a few things:

-She is definitely jealous of Katie.

-She definitely has feelings for Jim.

-She will definitely never give into those feelings for Jim as long as Roy is around.

So Jim takes Katie out to dinner and tries to forget about Pam's hiccup-y laugh and her beaming smile and her face pressed up against Roy's in the same way she had it pressed up against his just a few short weeks ago.

He's thrown for a loop, to say the least, when Pam suggests that he take the job in Maryland. They'd been doing this, sending out Dwight's resume, to get rid of Dwight. Did she want to get rid of him?

He knows it's foolish to be this upset over it. But he gets so frustrated with her sometimes. He knows she has feelings for him. And he knows that's why she wants him to leave. It certainly would make things easier on the both of them. He'd surely get over her much quicker if he didn't have to see her everyday. And if she didn't have to face him, she could keep pretending that her relationship with Roy was normal, healthy even. But it's not, and he knows she knows it, somewhere deep inside. And the only thing keeping her sane is Jim, and they both know it. But Jim and Pam are only a fantasy for each other, they'll never be a reality. Because Pam needs to play it safe with Roy - her high school sweetheart, who's never done her wrong. The man who would defend her, physically, by any means necessary.

Jim would be a risk, somehow, for Pam. Even though he knows it's the exact opposite. Jim would be the safest Pam could possibly get. He wouldn't beat anyone up for her - he's not the type - but he'd love her so damn much. He'd never make comments about Angela or Katie if he were with Pam. She would be the only girl he'd ever want to be with.

But she thinks he's a risk, and that Roy is safe, and so she stays with Roy.

Jim knows all this, but for her to say out loud that he should take a job hours away from his home...hours away from her. That changes things. He wants to not be hurt. But he is, deeply. And it isn't even about the romantic feelings he has for her, in the end. It's about their friendship. Because at the root of it all, they are friends. They come to each other with everything. And for her to put her own comfort - comfort in her relationship, without the looming threat of Jim to remind her that she's not as happy as she thinks she is - ahead of that friendship? That's really hurtful to Jim.

She tries to grab his hand, afraid he's been fired, but he shakes her off. He assures her that he wasn't fired, but that's all. He can't look at her right now. He still feels her soft hands on his, still feels the ghost of her fingernails dragging on his palm as he pulls away, but he can't look at her, can't talk to her.

"If you left, seriously, I would blow my brains out," she's telling him.

He's not over it, he's still hurt, but he feels better knowing that she wants him around, wants him to stay. And it's so dumb because, of course she wants him to stay. Of course she never wanted him to leave. Because he knows she has feelings for him and she just can't - won't - admit it.

If she left, he admits to the crew, he'd take that job in Maryland in a heartbeat. That's why he's so hurt she could even suggest that he leave: she's the only reason he'd stay.

Sometimes, he gets carried away. Like the time Roy caught him holding her hand, close up behind her at the desk, excitedly explaining the final plans for the alliance with Dwight. He just gets excited, lets the flirting get the best of him. And she lets him, because she likes him, too. But when they get caught, suddenly things change.

Which is why when he picks her up at the dojo, she suddenly stops laughing and acts as though he's offended her somehow. Meredith had to turn her big, dumb, nosy head around - okay, that's harsh. He likes Meredith. But couldn't she have minded her own business for once? And Pam goes from giggling, laughing, having a good time, to "Put me down. Now." And he's picturing her telling Roy about this later, Roy coming in on Monday and pummeling him without a second glance.

He feels awful. Not just about Roy possibly coming in and crushing his face in, but also because he's made Pam uncomfortable. He's sad that he made her feel anything negative, ever. He's her go-to, he's the one she comes to when other people make her angry or sad or uncomfortable. He's not the one causing those feelings. He's at a loss for words. He doesn't know how to apologize.

Sorry for picking you up like I would if you were my girlfriend. Sorry for flirting with you in front of people instead of in private, hushed conversations at reception. Sorry sorry sorry sorry.

So he buys her a bag of chips, knowing she'll be staying late that day as Michael procrastinates. He leaves it on her desk on his way out, and he hopes that things are back to normal when he comes into the office on Monday.

And they are, as they always are. No matter what Jim and Pam have gone through, they always end up right back to normal. They're indestructible, he's fairly certain. Any awkwardness, tension, and anger have always dissipated by the time they walk into the office the following day. As though nothing ever happened.

The worst first dates conversation is one of the more enlightening office conversations they've had. He's both shocked and not shocked that Roy once left Pam at a hockey game. The lack of respect that man has for Pam is astounding.

Jim is both sad and intrigued. Why does she stay with him?

He remembers meeting Pam, asking her to lunch. He remembers how much they bonded, how he thought he was so lucky to have found this great girl and she was so close and so cute and sweet and smart. He remembers how that first date wasn't a date at all. He remembers that he should have started moving on right then and there, but he just fell harder and harder as they grew closer.

He's not mad that Pam is with Roy - not mad at her - he's just confused. He knows he isn't perfect, he knows he's awkward, that he doesn't work as hard as he could, that he spends more time being mean to Dwight than making sales calls. And he knows Pam isn't perfect either, though he struggles to think of any real character flaws when he tries to. But Roy...Roy?!

He is really intrigued when she ditches Roy to read this dumb screenplay they've found. He's used to her bailing on them - on drink plans, on group dinners, on party invitations - for Roy. So when she sends Roy home just to sit next to him and read the writings of one Michael Gary Scott, he is intrigued. To say the very least.

When she chooses to stay so late that it gets dark outside, and she goes up to the roof with him, he's even more intrigued. He knows better than to get his hopes up, really he does, but he can't help but call it a date when he talks about it the next day. And yet, she can't even go with the joke, shakes it off like it's nothing.

And he's hurt again, because why can't she play along? Why can't she just admit that last night had romantic tones - dinner, a show - a bizarre one, at that - music. It had all the makings of a better first date even than the lunch he'd taken her to.

"I can't remember the last time someone made me dinner," she'd said. About something as simple as grilled cheese. Comments like that...he knows she's not happy with Roy. He knows it, but he can't bring himself to do anything about, and it makes him so angry that he finally says:

"At least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game."

As soon as he says it, he regrets it. He exploded and he didn't mean to and he sees the look on her face and he can't believe he's done something so stupid again. He can't stop putting his damn foot in his mouth. She's got him so twisted up and the longer it goes on, the more he falls for her, and the more he really thinks she feels something back. The more frustrated he gets because she just won't do something about it and he explodes and he wishes that he hadn't.

"It's not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiance."

Touche, he thinks. And he's brought back to that lunch date, where she didn't even bring Roy up until the last possible moment, because she must have been feeling whatever he was feeling too, and she had to bring up that wall, that protection. Roy is what's stopping her from being with him. And for some reason, she thinks Roy is good, is normal, and that she should be with him. But she's not happy and Jim just wishes she could see that for herself.

So it's another awkward departure, and another day of hoping things will be back to normal in the morning.