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Author's Chapter Notes:
Pam sees Jim.

Back at the hospital, Pam found Larissa asleep in one of the waiting room chairs. Not wanting to wake her, she set down the bag softly by her head and went to the nurse’s station, where she asked for and received a blanket, which she draped across the sleeping woman. The nurse smiled at her and asked if she’d like to see her friend. At Pam’s startled rejoinder that “I…I’m not…family,” she smiled and said “but you are authorized to see him. If you want. She said to show you back whenever you showed up. If you wanted.” Pam swallowed, looked at the sleeping Larissa, and wondering why she was being so…kind. Was it just a Halpert trait, unavoidable as the lanky frame and piercing eyes? Noticing the nurse waiting for a response, she nodded, unable to help herself.

 

She followed the nurse back to Jim’s room, while the other woman spoke quietly about his condition. “You’re probably going to be shocked when you see him. I don’t say that to make you worry, but because I don’t want you to be surprised by your own reaction. He’s lost a lot of blood and if he weren’t on the narcotics he’d be in a lot of pain, but the important thing to remember is that he’s alive. I don’t want to make any promises, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was when he first came in here, and it’s important to remember that things are getting better.”

 

Pam wasn’t sure quite how to respond. She bit her lip at the reminder that Larissa hadn’t been able to get ahold of her for two days, and had to push back the guilt that whispered “if you had just told him you broke up with Roy, you’d have been here from the start. Hell, maybe he wouldn’t even have gone to Australia. Maybe he wouldn’t be in the hospital at all.” Then she had to hold in the anger that spurted up in response to it, the irrational feeling that yelled back against the insidious whispers of guilt “Oh yeah? And why should I feel guilty? He blindsided me a month ago, and he didn’t even stick around to see what happened. Or worse, he did stay in Scranton, but he didn’t bother to tell me he was in town. Why am I even here?” That last question was easy for her to answer, though. She was here because she loved Jim, even when she hated him. And she desperately wanted him to be OK. She could be mad at him if he was OK. She’d even forgive him, if he would just be OK.

 

These thoughts came to a rattling halt as the nurse reached a door and gently opened it, ushering Pam in. She came through the door and stopped dead. There he was. Jim Halpert. She’d have recognized him anywhere, and a good thing too, because he really didn’t look like himself. There were tubes and wires and straps, and he was alarmingly grey. She just stood there, stock-still, looking at him. She wanted to move towards the bed, grab his hand, shake him awake, something, but she couldn’t. She just stared, listening to the thoughts flash through her head.

 

He’s not going to wake up. This is it. I’ve lost my chance. You know the craziest thing? Everyone thinks I should be so sad because I’m not marrying Roy today, but I’m actually feeling broken because I can’t talk to Jim. And then it turns out I could have; turns out he’s been in Scranton for weeks, and he’s still here, and not in Australia—but I still can’t because he’s sitting here in the ICU and he’s never going to wake up.

 

She felt the tears streaming down her face, and the nurse turned to look at her with an expression of concern. “Miss Beesly…” she started. Pam shook herself.

 

“I guess you warned me, didn’t you,” she said with an attempt at levity. Yes, think how Jim would respond. Do this for Jim. Like Jim. “But you should know, this is always how I am when I’m in the same room as him.”

 

The nurse shot her an odd look. She pretended not to notice and walked over to the bedside.

 

“Hey, Halpert,” she whispered. “You should have known you couldn’t get away from me that easy.” She took his hand. It was shockingly cold, but she could feel a slow pulse and see the beat of his heart across the monitors. “And…I should have known why I didn’t want you to.” She kissed his hand. “Please stay with me. Please come back to me.” She was glad to finally get the words out, panicked it was too late. “Please, Jim.”

 

The nurse touched her back lightly. “He’s stable for now. You can stay in here as long as you like, visiting hours aren’t over until 10. I have to go see some other patients now, ok?”

 

She blinked away her tears and looked up. “Thank you” she focused on the nametag on her uniform “Melissa.”

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

She sat there holding Jim’s hand for a while. She didn’t know how long. She was lost in memories: huddling with Jim by the reception desk, laughing with him at some prank or other he’d pulled on Dwight…kissing him on Casino Night. She was so lost in thought she didn’t hear the door open, didn’t notice she wasn’t alone until a soft voice broke her out of her reverie.

 

“Pam?”

 

She met Larissa’s eyes, feeling the same shock of familiarity she had felt the first time they’d met.

 

“I’m sorry, Pam, I must have dozed off. I’d meant to be with you when you saw him for the first time. I’m sorry you had to see that alone, but can I say, I’m glad you came back here?” She gestured at Jim. “I don’t mean back to the hospital—I figured you were going to do that—but back here. With him.”

 

“So am I. Is he…”

 

“All I know is what the doctors told me, which I’m guessing the nurse told you. He’s stable, he’s healing, but they don’t know how it’s going to go.”

 

“Yeah, that’s what she said.” Pam wiped away tears again, and then suddenly sat bolt upright and tried to stand up. “Larissa! I’m so sorry, he’s your brother, you should be…”

 

Larissa gestured for her to stay seated. “No, no, please, I’ve been here for two days, you should…”

 

Pam interrupted her. “Oh my god, that’s right!” she blurted. “You’ve been here for two days with no break. Um…do you want to take a break?” She took a breath and then said shyly “I could watch him, if you like. I’d be glad to.”

 

Larissa grinned at her. “I’d love that, later. For now, I just took a nap, so why don’t we both sit here?” She pulled up a chair from the wall behind her. “And while we’re here, you can tell me about Pam Beesly.” She quirked an eyebrow. “I keep hearing from Jim that she’s a really cool girl.”

Chapter End Notes:
Sorry for not having Jim awake yet, I just want some Larissa and Pam time first. Next chapter will be the two of them talking, and then time may start to pass a little faster. Thank you to all who have read and reviewed; please keep it up, as it's good to check in about how the story is going with you all.

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