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Story Notes:

Since I was in middle school, my journals have been the source of me figuring my life out. Based on what we see in the show (and how I imagine her growing up) I feel like Pam would have found a lot of comfort in her journal growing up as well. It's easy to think I remember how I was at 16, but I probably don't entirely. I've been rereading my old journals lately so hopefully I can really channel those emotions (so many emotions) that I had into something really great for Pam and show her development as a person as she grows older.


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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'll be honest, I'm so happy I'm past these days. Sometimes I look back and think, "Wow, to be 16 and carefree again" and then I remember how it so wasn't and I'm glad we're out of that chapter of life haha.

Saturday, March 25, 1995

Wow. 16..that must mean I’m REALLY old now. Right? I can’t believe I made it here. I remember going to all those day camps at the rec center when I was 10 and all the camp counselors being 16 and driving. I remember thinking, “Wow, Pam...one day you’ll be as fabulous as they are. You’ll be just as cool as they are with their big hair and cool cars and all the boys around”. Well, now I’m 16 and none of that is true. I don’t have any of that. Well, besides that big hair, but it’s not the trendy kind, just the genetic, generic kind that has a brain of its own. 

Anyway, the way that I thought 16 would feel is just not entirely like this? I mean, I did go and get my license this morning so now I have a tiny bit of freedom. Although mom and dad already said I have to drive Penny to school now and that I need to get a job. So with great power comes great responsibility I guess? I also thought being 16 would mean I would feel like an adult, but I really just feel like a big kid. I bet I’ll feel like an adult when I’m 18 and I’m legally an adult...surely once you’re legally an adult, you feel like it, right? I’ll have to report back on this, I don’t know anyone who’s over the age of 18 to confirm with (besides my parents and grandparents, but that’s another story).

I had thought about having a sweet 16, but I then decided against that. I don’t have many people that I would want to invite over and it just seems like such a small thing to make a huge deal over. It’s just another day and then we move on. We’re just going to have a nice dinner (mom’s making spaghetti and a chocolate cake) then play some games as a family. A very relaxing night in. Isabel might come over too, but she’s still trying to convince her mom (she got caught sneaking out to see a boy the other night and has been grounded since then). I can’t even imagine doing something like that. Then again, no boys are ever interested in me. Maybe that’s what I’ll wish for when I blow out my candles! A nice boy who will fall in love with me and then we’ll get married and have 4 kids...wait no...maybe just 2….unsure about that...Wait, will my wish still come true if I write it down? That’s not a problem is it? It’s only a problem and doesn’t come true if you say it I think...I hope…. Did I just doom myself forever?

Ugh. I am a messsssssssssssss.

In other news, mixed media class has been going so great! I created this abstract piece and yeah that’s pretty much all I can say about it besides it’s super cool. It’s a “have to see in person” kind of work. When I left class the other day I saw this boy from the football team staring at me. It was super weird… I must have had paint on my face. Seems pretty like me for that to happen. He looked away when I looked at him. He was kind of cute looking...Ugh Pam snap out of it. There are so many other important things out there going on than boys. Sometimes I’m just so boy crazy, but then I remember this is high school and none of it matters anyway.

I just want to go live my life in a lively city like New York City or Brooklyn… Wait, that’s the same. I should pay more attention… Now I’m embarrassed that this in writing forever. Why did I write in ink? Oh, right so my future children could see this (aka see how bad a geography I am). 

Mom and dad keep saying I need to start looking at colleges. I don’t know if they’ve realized that I’m not the traditional college student type. I want to go to art school, be an artist or be a graphic designer! I just heard about that career on career day in art class and that sounds so fun. Can you imagine creating images ON COMPUTERS that aren’t just hand drawn??? THE FUTURE IS HERE PEOPLE!

Andddd with that, I have to go. Mom and Dad say it’s time for dinner and it would be bad if I missed my own mini party. Happy birthday to me, may all my dreams come true (I hope, I’m wishing for them when I blow out the candles and praying writing it down doesn’t negate them…)

Chapter End Notes:
Please leave reviews! I haven't decided the route I'm going to go for yet. If it'll be multiple entries per year or one per year as an update. Might do a mixture of both! Thanks for reading! :)

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