Figured I should give an update for the fans (hi, Future Pam, I hope you’re happier than you are right now). James and I met up last night for the first time in what feels like a long time and discussed our problems. Wow. Sooo fun. I told him I didn’t think what we had would work. He seemed really confused and hurt. I explained to him that after a lot of thought, he was too good for me, that I sucked, and he would probably be better off with a cheerleader or something. I told him that since we never saw each other or got to talk, it just started us off on the wrong foot. He didn’t really say anything after that, just kept staring down at the ground. I know that I’m anti-social, but come on. Since he didn’t say anything, he clearly didn’t think I was that great to begin with which just solidifies my original feelings.

After a bit, he just looked away from me and said, “ok”. OK?! I’m sorry, WHAT?! Clearly this was a good idea. He didn’t even try to explain his side which made it hurt even more. I really wanted to be wrong and have him like me the same way back. Now I’m just equally hurt and feel like I was right all along. I don’t deserve someone as great as him. 

I met him at a park nearby so thankfully I could just walk home from this disaster. Honestly, if we had just been able to meet or talk more, maybe this would have been able to actually go further. But without communication and him being too great and wanting to be successful at everything, we never saw each other and the whole point of being in a relationship is SEEING EACH OTHER.

So that happened yesterday and then tonight was the Fall Dance. I still went with Roy and his friends. They kept asking where “lover boy” was. I just laughed and shrugged it off. They brought in spiked drinks. I felt like a rebel trying them. I don’t know what was in it, but I do know that I had the best time ever. It really loosened me up and I didn’t feel so stuffy like I feel like I might usually come across. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong. Roy and I danced and I felt so free. Things are just much easier with him than with Jim. Like I said, we have so much in common, same school, same future plans (aka up in the air), and we work together at the office. It just makes a lot of sense for us to be together. He can be funny too. He’s also not terrible to look at. 

Not that I want to care, but I wonder if he’ll ask me on a date soon? That would be so nice at least then I would know what it would be like to date someone at my school.  Hmmm….things to consider.