So this afternoon I was in our dorm lounge with Jen. We were studying for our first exams (me, English and her Psychology), all of a sudden, this random guy goes STREAKING down the hallway. I have no idea what happened. Our RA was very upset and trying to shield us all from viewing the catastrophe that was that guy's reputation. Here we are, our pure freshman eyes AND THAT HAPPENS. THE HORROR.

Okay so it was really funny and really broke up the monotony that is studying. I told Jim he missed the funniest thing, but nope he saw it too, the guy started on his floor. I don’t think I mentioned this, but they alternate girls and guys between the floors in the dorm. So Jim is under me. Wait, that sounds weird...you know what I mean...anyway, Jim came up to our lounge to continue his studying. We’ve only been here a couple of weeks and we have a routine. Jim brings the jelly beans, I bring the grape soda, and we pray we don’t gain the freshman 15 while we study.

He’s an awesome study partner though. He’s really great at quizzing me through everything. He’s just really great…

Last night we went on a walk around campus. We started talking about our previous relationship. He brought it up, not me. I don’t know what came across me to be so honest with him, but I’m doing things different with my life now… so I told him… I laid it all there for him and told him I never felt like I was good enough for him. How he was so great and full of ambition while I was getting the wind knocked out of my sails. I told him I had thought he deserved someone better than me.

He had gotten all quiet as I was saying this to him which then just made it really awkward. At least for me. So I just kept babbling on and on saying that that’s how I started dating Roy. I explained that he and I were on the same level, or at least I thought we were. I told him all the drama with Roy and up until that point he’d just been listening, actually listening to me, but he laughed at the whole Roy story. He told me that Roy seemed like the opposite of me.

At some point in my rambling I noticed we had stopped by this bench so we sat down because we were both sick of walking. 

Anyway, so we’re talking and everything and all of a sudden he got really quiet and looked up at me and the look in his eyes was just something to throw me off for the rest of my life. He took my hands in his and it was like we were on our first date again. It felt...right. Honestly, it felt like I had made a big mistake letting him go a few years ago. It was nice. He had started rubbing my hand lightly with his thumb and I actually lost the train of thought I had. At some point I realized we’re just staring at each other and not really talking. Once we both realized that, it snapped us out of our little dream world we were in and I told him we should get headed back.

He did hold my hand all the way back to our dorm though. When we were walking he kept glancing at me and smiling a lot, but he didn’t say very much. I either make him nervous or he’s a man of few words in these situations. I guess that’s for me to figure out!

It was really sweet! Then today, we’re studying and he doesn’t even bring anything up! What the heck is that about?! Okay, maybe it’s because Jen was there, but still. Maybe I’m just prettier in the moonlight than under fluorescents.

I don’t really know where this leaves us. I’m not sure where we stand. I know we’re friends, no doubt about that, but are we more than that?

I think I want to be. I feel ready to be his girlfriend this time. It’s like I needed to grow up, you know? I mean, yes, it’s only been 2 years, but 16-18 is a HUGE maturity difference I think.

One thing is for sure, we’re not rushing into anything. Jen thinks this all really funny though. She knows the brief dating history of ~Jim and Pam~ so when she told me that there’s a rumor that anyone who sits on that specific bench will marry their college sweetheart I actually cackled. 

So that was a fun piece of knowledge. Personally I think it’s because it’s on the tallest hill in our campus, but under this big tree that overlooks the rest of Marywood. It’s really gorgeous actually. Especially with the moonlight out.

BUT, Jim and I held hands. That’s it. There’s no romance really yet, there’s no dating, there’s no boyfriend or girlfriend, and most certainly no engagement or marriage. We’re just not there yet and who knows, just because we sat there together, it doesn’t mean we’re the ones for each other. We might find other people in college too! It’s a possibility…

But he did look pretty handsome under the moonlight...