“I mean, they just need to communicate, you know?” — Jim Halpert

Andy is still on his boat trip.  It’s Week 10.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

[Stone & Son Suit Warehouse

contract expired with their

paper provider!

Go get it!

- David Wallace]

Dwight just now receives this IM on his computer and already has a plan brewing.  And he knows just the man to help him: Jim Halpert.  They used to clean up a lot of family-owned businesses, and this is no exception.  They pretended to be family — brothers.

“Jim and Dwight Shrupert,” Dwight explains to Brent, “I was the dynamic, likable winner that was doted upon by Mom.  And Jim was the closeted foot fetishist pretending to belong.  The client never knew any of that, but I knew.”

Jim’s focused on his work, wearing a new large headset with a mic.

“Hey, Jim,” Dwight says to get his attention, nothing.  “Jim!”

“I just bought myself this brand new headset,” Jim tells Brent with a slight smile, “Now no one in this office can distract me from actually doing my damn job.  But, I’m sure they’ll try.”

Dwight then takes off one of the earmuffs and says “Jim!”

“Ah!” Jim jumps, “God, Dwight!  What do you want?”

“I hope you’ve been paying your wig storage bills, Jimbo,” Dwight begins as he heads back to his seat, “because it’s time for another episode of ‘Handsome and Stinky, Paper Brothers For Hire’.”

“Sorry, Stinky, can’t do it.  Too busy.”

“Oh, God, this again?  You’re Stinky.”

“Look, I’ve already got a presentation to get done.  Just ask Phyllis,” he suggests, gesturing at her, “She can be your older sister or something.”

“Phyllis, my sister?” he asks incredulously, “More like my dead great-great-grandmother who died of stupidity.”

“I have ears, Dwight,” she mutters, offended. 

“Oh, do you really have ears, Phyllis?” he makes fun of her, “Like all human beings?  We all have ears,” he turns back to Jim and whispers, “See what you leave me with here?”

Pam wants to say ‘I think you should go.  You guys are unstoppable,’ but she knows it won’t do any good at this point.  She sits there and frustratingly holds her tongue.

“Look,” Jim presses, “there’s no way I can get this presentation done and do this sale with you.”

“How is that my problem?” Dwight says to Jim who’s rolling his eyes, “Will be in and out of there within 3 hours, and it only takes 40 minutes to get there and back if we go 70 miles per hour.”

“I see,” Jim posits, “And how long would it be if we went 100 miles per hour, 200, and 300?”

As Dwight does the math, Jim puts his headset back on.  Pam just purses her lips in sympathy to the poor salesman.  Both of them.

Out walks Darryl, in a freshly pressed suit.

“Darryl, looking good!” Nellie compliments.

“Heading to Philly,” Darryl explains, “Interview with Athlead.” 

“Hey, good luck,” Pam tells him, “When you get to Philly, will you tell Mark we said hi?”

“Why don’t you two come along and tell him yourselves?” Darryl offers.

“Jim,” she taps him on the shoulder.  He knows it’s Pam so he doesn’t flip out.  “Darryl invited us to go to his interview in Athlead.”

He tries to get out of seeing everything that he lost out on, “That would be great.”

“Yeah,” Pam adds, “Kind of like ditching school, except instead of getting suspended, you get...  What do you get?  Oh my god!  Why didn’t I think of this?  Andy’s not here.”

“You coming?” Darryl asks.

“Nah, give Mark my best,” he responds, his eyes drawn to the screen.

Darryl just gives a hesitant “Alright,” and turns to the door.  Pam leans down to Jim and pecks him on the lips.

“I love you,” she says genuinely.

“Love you, too,” he returns with a smile.

“I appreciate everything you do for me.”

“I know.”

She pecks him again.

“God, get a room!” Dwight shouts.

She sighs, “I’ll see you when I get back!” she says as she departs.

“Alright,” Jim returns.

She walks out with Darryl and they head to Athlead.  She’s sure to grab all of her stuff.  Darryl is smart and he does too.

They’re on their way to Philly and Pam makes sure he can get into Athlead… if that’s what he wants, “You ready for your interview?”

“I was born ready!” he states with confidence which immediately shifts into self-doubt, “No, I suck at interviews.  I had Andy’s job in the bag until my interview.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be nervous about this,” Pam explains, “This is a tiny start-up with a bunch of guys just as dorky as Jim.” 

“Yeah, I guess…”

“Really,” she reassures, “You can’t be scared of a room full of Jims.  I love the guy, but he’s basically Gumby with hair.”  Boom, roasted.

Darry’s feeling better about it now.  Pam isn’t.

They enter the office itself and wow, does it look good.  Far above anything that any Dunder Mifflin branch has ever looked.

And out comes Mark Muller, the man himself, addressing Dennis as he sees a familiar face, “Pam?”

“Mark!” she greets, and they give each other a big hug, “Oh my God, how have you been?”

“Fantastic!  How are the kids?”

“Amazing.”

“That’s great!” he looks around, “Where’s Jim?”

Of course, he’d ask, “He’s at work, but he says hi.”

“Well, give him my best,” Mark happily responds, completely ignorant of Jim’s plight.

“Damn!” Darryl compliments, “Mark, you got a real Facebook energy going on here man.  You Zuckerberged this place out!”

“It’s pretty great, right?  I mean, we’re coming along—” he interrupts to address Wade, and realizes he has something to do, “Actually, you know what?  Give me one second, okay?  Make yourselves at home.”  Darryl does.  Pam doesn’t.

Later on, they head downstairs to do Darryl’s interview.

“Wow, this place is… so great,” Pam compliments, “I had no idea — Jim made it sound kind of dinky.”

“Well, I mean, I don’t even have the paycheck yet,” Mark explains, “It is a startup, so... these things go down all the time,” he gives a nervous smile.

“If this company’s going down,” Darryl says, “I wanna go down on it.”  Both Pam and Mark smirk at each other before he realizes what he just said, “With it.  I wanna go down with it.”

“Hey,” Mark addresses to Pam, “Sorry, I should have done something for when you were coming—”

“No problem,” Pam waves it off, “I’m fine with just hanging out.”

“Sure,” he addresses Darryl, “You ready?”

“Yeah,” he responds with confidence.

“Let’s do it!”

As they walk to the interviewing room, Pam gives Darryl a thumbs up, then loiters around… feeling extremely out of place.  And what makes matters worse is Jim would consider this his dream, and he’d think Philly is his real home; he’s always preferred Philly over Scranton anyhow.  But… she doesn’t want this.  She’s scared of it.  Scared of what Jim might think of it.  Scared that he thinks he should have called Mark back, or worse, scared that there’ll be another job opening and he’ll go all-in and she’ll have to play catch-up.  She can’t risk it.  She can’t.  Not with Cece and Phil in the picture.  Jim made the right choice.  She’s thankful that he made the right choice… and yet she’s scared he feels otherwise.

And Darryl?  She hates that she thinks this because this is everything, everything that Darryl deserves… but she wants him to still be working at Dunder Mifflin, for Jim.  It’s one thing that his college roommate started it, but Darryl being gone?  Jim’s closest friend in the office?  (Well, besides Dwight, but that’s debatable.)  It’s only gonna push him to want this even more.  But he can’t!  Besides, he said so himself!  He’s happy with his choices!  So why is she plaguing herself with this much doubt?

She’s back in her chair from earlier as she sees the male receptionist chatting with her.

“By the way,” he tells her, “Tell Jim we said thanks.  None of this would have been possible without him.”

“That’s sweet, will do,” Pam responds, “and we’re really glad we invested.”

“Trust us, we are too,” he says with a hint of relief, “It’s too bad he still has to work in Scranton, though.”

This shakes her to her core, “Yeah, but he seems really happy working at Dunder Mifflin.”

“Cool,” he simply responds, returning to his work.

God, she wants to be anywhere else.

Meanwhile, Darryl’s interview is happening and it sure is… something.  The “mandate” association clarifies that he has one gay friend.  After being embarrassed that he’s a warehouse worker, he’s immediately relaxed by the team, who assure him they’ve all had other jobs before; hell, Colin’s the most qualified one in the room!  The interview goes far more smoothly at this point, with him handing out his thoughts into booklets, all of them impressed.

“It was nice meeting you Darryl,” Sandra reassures, “I think you’d fit in great here.”

Oh my God, I did it!  “Yeah, yeah me too,” he says casually, “I think it’d be like… You know what?” The next thing he does is grab a signed basketball and aims it at the hoop, “I think it’d be like a Kevin Durant jump shot… Perfecto!”

Aaand it bounces off, hits the lamp over the fish tank, killing all the fish.  They all just look on, terrified.

After the interview, Pam tries to comfort him, “They’re the ones who put a fish tank next to a basketball hoop.  It’s like if I put a glass of milk on the edge of the table and Cece knocks it over, I don’t blame Cece.”

“So I’m like a three-year-old girl in this scenario…” he laments.  This isn’t helping.

However, she can be there for him like she is for Jim, “Say they don’t hire you.  It’s not like you’re out on the street.  You have a great job with people who love you.”

“And I’d only get to see Jada on the weekends,” he considers, “You know, I’m…  I’m not so sure I’d like living in Philadelphia.”

Thank God, it’s not just me!  “Right?  Thank you!  It’s just Philly.  Everyone’s acting like it’s New York or Paris or London.”

“Who needs it?” 

“Not us.”

And out walks Mark with the news, “Okay, so the consensus was that that was… something.  They’re going to make you pay for the fish, and…” a smile grows on his face, “they wanted to know when you can start.”

“What?” Darryl asks.  Mark shrugs knowingly.  He got it.  He… he got it.

“How about yesterday?” Darryl says happily as he shakes his hand.

Yay, he got it.  “Congratulations!” Pam says, feigning happiness, “I guess you gotta move to Philly after all.”

“Yes, I love Philly!” Darryl says victoriously on his way out the door, “Two-One-Five or die!”

“No, I’m not upset,” Pam lies to the camera, “I’m really excited for Darryl… Maybe I’m a little disappointed that we’ll be losing him.”  She will be.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

“Wow, not even Athlead got you out of that chair,” Dwight noticed.

“As I said, I’m busy,” Jim responds plainly.

“Huh, guess you are.”

“Yup,” Jim confirms as he lets go of both earmuffs and they slap back to position on his ears.

That confirms it: Dwight needs another salesman.  Thankfully, one just happens to reenter the scene after months of being absent: Clark Green.  Walking in with a fancy scarf, new glasses, and a large coat, he’s gained a new sense of confidence during his absence.  And all it took was his virginity.  Everyone besides Jim (who would if he wasn’t glued to the computer screen) greet him.  Oscar calls him Dwight Jr. yet again because of course, he does.

“Hey, so how was it?” Kevin asks, “I mean… the sex with Jan.”

“A gentleman doesn’t discuss such matters,” Clark confidently responds, “Especially when the feelings of a lady are involved.”

“Women reach their sexual peak at whatever age Jan was last week,” he explains to Brent, “I mean it was… like making love with a wild animal.  But not like a cougar, like you might think.  It was uh... like a swarm of bees.  Bees that just find something wrong with every hotel room.”  The trauma on his face is evident; Michael can empathize with his plight.

Dwight congratulates Clark on his “small” role in getting the White pages, and all he wants in return is half of the commission.  Nope.

“Hey, listen,” Dwight asks Clark, “remember how everyone used to call you Dwight Jr., and how much you loved that?”

“Ah hah ha, I loved it.”  He didn’t.  Still doesn’t.

Dwight leans in and whispers, “How would you like to pretend to by my son in order to land a sale?”

Clark just… he just doesn’t care at this point.  He’s going for what he wants.  “If it’ll lead to me being a salesman, I’ll pretend to be your friend.”

“Then looks like we have a deal,” Dwight lifts a suit identical to his own, in Clark’s size, “...Son.”

The interview goes pretty well thus far, although neither of them is the best of actors.  Jim could usually “yes, and” Dwight’s clever tactics with his charm, but since neither Dwight nor Clark is all that sociable, it’s an uphill climb.  They try to talk about hunting, where “Clarky” compares his “Pop” to a serial killer, and Dwight apparently exposed Clark to sawing off a sleeping deer’s head off when he was three.

And then… something unexpected is revealed.

“He’s a good boy, does whatever I say,” Dwight says, referring to Clark.

“I can’t relate to that,” Mr. Stone Sr. laments, “my son hates my guts.”

Uh oh.  “Oh... really.”

“Bring him into the business, and he resents me. How do you like that?”

Dwight realizes that he needs to pull a full 180, with Clark being none the wiser when he returns with the brochures.

“What took you so long?” Dwight chastises, “Were you loitering out there like a hooligan, smoking a doobie?”

He has to clue Clark in, but thankfully, he’s a fast learner, “Because the truth is… our relationship is… terr—”

“Terrible!”

“Terrible.”  Nailed it.

Things escalate when Clark discovers that Dwight’s acting is better than he assumed… and words start to get hurtful.

And, of course, in walks the son himself, Mr. Stone, Jr.  Pft, Got cat turd collector written all over him.

… And, as it turns out, Junior is the boss, not Senior.  Clark’s got it covered from here.  He plays up his strained relationship with his “father” by insulting Dwight’s suit in front of Junior, much to Senior’s chagrin and Dwight’s shock… and chagrin.

However, after Clark tries on the Italian silk suit, Dwight seeks an opportunity, and “repairs” his relationship with his “son”... and might have ended up repairing Stone and Son’s relationship in the process.

They walk out in their new suits, celebrating their latest sale.  Amongst the high fives, Clark was curious.

“Hey, so all that really specific cat turd business, that was about you, right?” he asks.

“You got me!” Dwight responds with a chuckle, tickling Clark, “I used to collect them!”

“Why?” Clark asks, just… needing to know the answer.

“Each one is very different, like a snowflake!”

—————————————————————————————————————————————

When Clark returns, he reveals the gift he got from Jan: a Nespresso machine.  The office decides to taste test every flavor… all sixteen.  What follows is a day full of caffeine-fueled insanity.  Kevin using Angela as a dumbbell, Stanley neglecting his siesta, Angela trying to open the window, and Creed pouring Stanley’s Bogota Sunrise in the office plant because he “saw the leaves twitch” are just a few instances.

Later on, they decide to move the copier to the annex, accidentally ripping up a piece of carpet… and revealing a hardwood floor.  While Nellie fears how much trouble they’ll be in, Oscar is mystified.  He always knew that hardwood floor was down there, he just never dreamed that he would actually see it.  They know what to do for the next hour and a half.

Jim, meanwhile, is oblivious to the chaos around him.  As he tries to finish up this damn presentation, he gets a phone call.  It’s the last person he wants to speak to right now.

“Jim?”  It’s David Wallace.

“Oh, hey David!  What’s up?”

“Is this a bad time?”

“Oh not at all.”  It is, but he’s not about to say that to the C.E.O.

“Good.  I’ve been taking a look at your numbers,” David starts, “and they seem to be going down.  I wanna see if there’s a day where we can discuss your performance.”

Oh, God.  It’s come to this.  Jim’s performance has dipped to the point that even David knows.  This is Hell on Earth.  How the hell is he gonna rectify this?

Jim stammers, trying to explain himself, “David, I’m sorry, I-I just don’t know—“

“Relax, Jim,” David reassures, “This isn’t an interrogation.  I just want to work with you and see how this can be rectified.”

“To be honest, David, I’ve been doing everything I can to get my numbers back up,” Jim answers.

“I’m sure you have,” David says honestly, “I was actually going to send you to Andy to discuss this, but I can’t get in touch with him.  Do you know where he is?”

“Actually, he’s, um, out to lunch.”  He checks the clock on his monitor, it’s 3:30 PM.  “A late lunch.”

“Right,” David responds, suspicious, “Anyway, I think I should stop by to meet on the 31st.”

“To Scranton?” Jim asks, hoping he wouldn’t have to abandon his post for the day.

“Is that a problem?”

“No, that’s fine, I was just thinking, we can do this now— if you want.”  It’d help to get pointers from the C.E.O. rather than one of the worst salespeople in the history of the branch if Jim was being honest to himself.

“Honestly, I would prefer speaking to you in person,” David responds, “because, to be frank… this isn’t like you, Jim.  You’re one of the top salespeople in the branch, and I’m concerned that something’s going on with you.  Are you sure you’re fine?”

No, David, I’m not.  I’m thinking I made a mistake by not joining my friend’s start-up.  Hating that my wife doesn’t see the opportunities we can have if we go for it.  Fearing I’m gonna forever be stuck in this dead-end job where I have to sell PAPER.  And the worst part is it’s nobody’s fault but MINE!

“Oh, yeah, I’m good,” Jim badly lies, “But yeah, I um… I’m more than willing to meet with you in person.”  He doesn’t.  That’s the last thing he wants.

David accepts Jim’s response, but is not convinced, “Alright, I’ll get back to you.”

“Thanks, David.”

“Of course.  And Jim?  Take care of yourself.”

“Will do.”  And with that, David ends the call.

Jim puts his head in his hands, resisting the urge to scream… while everyone around him is tearing up the carpet.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Pam informs Erin that a shipment of pens is arriving today.  Erin is on it… but is left confused as to what she actually does with the pens.

She walks into the kitchen and sees everyone around the Nespresso machine… and in walks Pete.

“Oh, hey Erin,” Pete greets.

She freezes.  The kiss of last week is still unaddressed; he’s made no attempts to bring it up, and neither has she.  Which is why they just keep busy.  She usually greets him back but it’s only become harder and harder for her.

She doesn’t want to address it right now.  She doesn’t need to.  She has pens to deal with.

“Sorry,” she tells him, “Super busy.  Pens coming in later, just grabbing a Java before all hell breaks loose.”  Oscar hands her one and she’s off.  Pete just walks back into the annex, wanting to address it so it won’t be awkward, but she can’t right now.

“I don’t really have time to think about Pete right now,” she explains to Brent, who didn’t mention Pete, “I just have a lot going on with this whole shipment of pens.  And I have a lot of people trusting me, and I would feel super guilty if I broke anyone’s trust.  About the pens.”  Because that’s what this is all about: the pens.

Later, the shipment of pens is still on her desk, her debating what to do about it.

“The pen delivery went amazing,” Erin tells Brent, “and now I’ve got all these pens just waiting to be unpacked.  But Pam did not tell me to unpack the pens, and I’m not one of those people who’s just like, ‘Uh, sure. I’ll accept the pens when they come in, and then as soon as your back’s turned, I unpack the pens and get all this credit as some great pen unpacker.’  On the other hand…” she says holding the box, “they are just sitting here.  Pam didn’t tell me not to unpack them.  Don’t want to be a busybody, but I don’t want to be a lazybones.  Busybody, lazybones.  Busybody, lazybones — Ah!  My brain is ping-ponging around in my head right now, it’s insane!  I’m sorry, what was your question again?” Brent just waits patiently, “Oh yeah, no.  I’ve never had an espresso before.  They’re good though.”

Erin tries to stack the pens, but Pete jokes that she’s stealing Pam’s job… oh no.  Nonononono he honestly doesn’t think that, does he?  He can’t!  Kevin comes in and says the same thing, and it doesn’t help!  Ahhh!  She apologizes to the pens, what a day they’ve had!

Pete just ignores it and heads back to the annex.

“Look,” Pete explains to Brent, “I wanted to talk about it but I think it’s best if we just… don’t.  It was the… heat of the moment.  She seems to have enough on her plate anyway.”

She does.  It has nothing to do with the pens.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

As a cacophony of car horns perform in the parking lot, Jim calls up Pam and Darryl.  He’s gonna have to work late.  Again.

“Kill their fish, and they still hire me,” Darryl happily says as they got home, “That’s how you do that, baby.  It’s all good, I’m ready.  Y’all ready for this?”  Pam reluctantly joins him in the singing of C+C Music Factory’s ‘Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)’ when she gets a call.

“Oh, hey Jim!” Pam decides to put him on speakerphone, “How are you?”

“Eh, I’m managing.  How’d the interview go?”

“Two-One-Five, baby!  I’m in!” Darryl celebrates with a laugh.

“Never had a doubt!” Jim says happily.

“You all right?” Pam asks, concerned, “You seem a bit shaken up.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, I got a call from David today.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll… tell you about it when I get home.”

Her face displays concern once again, “Another late night?”

“Unfortunately.” Pam sighs in disappointment, but tries to hide it.  She fails.

“Don’t worry, man,” Darryl offers, “I’ll drop her off.”

“Darryl, you are a lifesaver.”

“Hey, it’s the least I can do after you got me in,” he responds happily, still giddy over his new prospects.

“Just… please come home soon,” Pam says, “I know I say that constantly, but—” 

“I’ll get home as soon as I can, Pam, I promise.”

He does keep that promise.  Every time.  “...I know,” she quietly responds.

“Alright, I’ll see you then.”

“See you then, love you!”

“Love you too.”  He hangs up, not even greeting Darryl.  She sighs dejectedly.

“Is everything good with y’all?” Darryl suddenly asks, curiously.

“As good as they can be,” Pam answers honestly.  They don’t address it for the rest of the way.

Back at the office, Jim just sighs.  As he remorsefully removes his headset so he can go to the restroom, he finds all the desks moved besides his own and the carpet torn.

“Wooow,” he mouths quietly, looking around.  He sees Erin frustratedly striding to the front door from the kitchen, “Hey, Erin, what happened here?”

“Pam left me in charge of the pens, Jim,” she responds curtly as she walks, “That’s what happened.  The pens happened.”

He just looks at the camera incredulously, as is his brand.