“I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it? I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a cappella group, ‘Here Comes Treble’.” — Andy Bernard

Dwight had the perfect Halloween prank to get into the spirit of things: carve a jack-o-lantern and wear it as a helmet.  He managed to get a spook out of Erin — one who scares far too easily — who was none too happy.  It was almost foolproof!

… Almost.

Jim, participating in a game of “Why am I still working here?” for the 46,853rd time, reluctantly decided to help Dwight in getting the pumpkin off of his head.

Brute force?  Nope.

Using a knife?  Nah, that’ll prove dangerous.

A baseball bat?  That would give Dwight another concussion.  Although Jim did prefer Concussion Dwight over the regular one.

Dwight did manage to succeed, through lack of vision while driving.  A blessing in disguise.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Andy’s life is a wreck, and Erin can tell.

After meeting his family, she’s deduced that they are probably the worst family imaginable.  Their pompousness and absolute distasteful behavior are astounding.  They’re the type of people that she hears about that go to extravagant country clubs and are subtly unsubtle about their racism.  She thought those types of people didn’t exist, until now.

And their absolute belittlement of their son is worse.  The fact there was a “Walter Jr.” was already a red flag, but the constant comparisons… it was awful.

But there’s one thing Andy has, something that can never be taken from him, something that — despite everything — was a great decision made by his parents: Cornell University.  His time at Cornell changed him, made him a better person (well, so did anger management), and defined who he is.  He’s well-spoken, intelligent, charming, and classy.  He does make a great replacement for Michael Scott (even though Michael didn’t initially trust him).  However, with his world crumbling around him, he fears he’s gonna fall to the cracks.

But Cornell?  No one, no one, can take that away from him.

Erin is worried about him.  She hasn’t seen him this bad since he got fired.  She wants to be — no, needs to be there for him.  But… she has a lot to deal with, too.  She wants to find her parents and is considering doing so but she’s too afraid; Jim didn’t dress up in costume, again; everyone’s confused her for a dog instead of a puppy; and beyond that… the pressure on her to be the rock in this relationship is a lot.  A whole lot.  This is way more intense than she ever— 

No.  She’s being selfish.  She has to be strong.  She will be strong.  For him.

And that strength is about to be tested.

Andy enters the office in his George Michael costume, excited for what he’s about to reveal to the office.

“You guys look great!” he announces, “Just a reminder that the party’s after lunch, so make sure you get it done before that.”  He then asks the office if they’ve seen any ‘treble’.

The entire office deduces what’s about to happen and simultaneously thinks to themselves ‘Oh God’.

In walks eight dapper young lads singing Culture Club’s ‘Karma Chameleon’, a cappella.  That’s right, folks, Here Comes Treble!

About half of the office is getting into it, while the other half just look on.

“What lab did these little clones escape from?” Dwight asks.

“To be honest, I don’t think Dwight’s wrong,” Pete tells the interviewer, “I mean, I knew Andy is not at his best right now, the entire office knows that but… wow, Erin is a trooper.”

“My Cornell a cappella group!” Andy answers.

“You were in an a cappella group?” Pam asks facetiously.

“You went to Cornell?” Darryl joins.

“Yeah, okay, ha ha ha ha,” Andy responds.  He elaborates that HCT is going to do a set during their Halloween party.  Andy’s wish — or rather his goal — is for them to call him up to solo on George Michael’s ‘Faith’, one of his signature songs.  Why?  Because when he joined HCT when he got the nickname “Boner Champ”, that is when he became The Iceman, The Nard Dog, Andrew Bernard.

The interactions between Andy and HCT are… something.  They just came to perform a set, not have some “intergenerational bro time”.  The break room is pretty nice.  Free WiFi.

However, things take a turn for the worse when one of them reveals that he thought Broccoli Rob was the Boner Champ.

No.  No, he wasn’t.  No, he was not!

He has to settle this, here and now, so he video chats with Broccoli Rob about the situation.

“I’m so sorry!” Rob apologizes, “I don’t know how this could have happened!”  Somehow, things just got hanky.

“Can you call them and just tell them the truth?” Andy asks, “‘Cause I know it’s really stupid, but it’s also really really really important.”  It’s not.

“Will do,” Rob assures, “I love you, Andy.”

“Love you too.”

HCT gets the call, they now know Andy is the Boner Champ.  (They didn’t want nor need to know this, but they have that information now.)  And now they know the story behind it too; it involved a snowman.  They wish Andy never told them.

Erin, ever the rock in the relationship, confronts the boys and tells them to do ‘Faith.’  They don’t know it, but she doesn’t care.  This is what Andy wants, so this is what he’ll get.  And, thanks to an impromptu performance from HCT, he’s going to.  He’s gonna do it, he’s gonna show all his friends and coworkers his signature song— 

Broccoli Rob shows up on the TV.  It’s his signature song, according to HCT.  ROB’S song, huh?!  ‘FAITH’ ISN’T ROB’S SIGNATURE SONG AND HE KNOWS THIS!

Oh, and one of them thought Andy was Adam Lambert.  Swell.

“Shut up, Broccoli,” Andy snaps.

“Champ, I feel awful about this whole thing,” Rob claims, “Russel called me up, and they said they needed 20 CCs of George Michael, stat.”  Erin is wondering what that sentence even means.

“A man’s signature solo is his life, okay?” Andy argues, “That’s group policy and you know it.”

Erin realizes this is getting out of hand, so she just… unplugs the TV.  Ever the rock.  She explains to the camera why she’s even putting up with all of this in the first place.

“The more I hear about all this a capella drama, the more I think it’s kinda pathetic.”  Because it is.  “But when you’re with someone, you put up with the stuff that makes you lose respect for them.”  You don’t.  “And that is love.”  It isn’t.

She says some pretty ridiculous things, but in this case, she knows what she’s saying is ridiculous.  But she says it.  For Andy.

“What am I gonna do, move back to Cornell?” he asks jokingly.  She giggles, she knows he’s kidding.  “I mean what if we did that?”  Oh no, he’s not kidding.  “Like we got jobs and we were happy all the time?”  This is his vision of the perfect life… one that Erin certainly doesn’t share.  Little does he know that one day his vision will come to fruition.

Erin hasn’t thought about the future, but she knows it doesn’t involve Cornell.  But, yeah, it could totally work though.

He decides to donate, much to Erin’s chagrin, though she hides it under a supportive laugh.  Because he needs to donate, he absolutely must.  He is the Boner Champ.  Cornell will not be taken from him, even by Broccoli Rob.

He decides to call his mom to donate to Cornell’s A Cappella program.  She suddenly gives him the worst news he has ever heard and will ever hear.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Clark is trying desperately to get Andy to like him.  The sooner he gets Andy to like him, the better off he’ll be.  He’s already stressed; neither he nor Pete knew how much the office is enthralled with Halloween, most everyone in extravagant costumes.

So he does everything he can.  He tells Andy how amazing HCT are and how into it he is and how are they making this magic with just their mouths?  (That’s what she said, adds Creed.)

“Am I overdoing it?” Clark asks the interviewers, “No, no.”

“Yes, he is,” Pete tells the interviewer, “I mean, sure I want him to succeed, but… okay, it’s like rooting for Rocky but he repeatedly trips down the stairs every time he gets back up.”

Creed’s just glad it’s Halloween, that is really good timing.

“I don’t think Creed knew it was Halloween,” Pete whispers to the cameras in fear.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Dwight owns Jim by comparing him to a box of Nerds candy (making Erin nearly pee herself in the process).  As he picks up the spilled candy, he notices a pill on the floor.  With his fake pig nose, he manages to sniff out exactly what it is… Dumatril.

“Dumatril is licensed to treat anxiety symptoms, such as panic attacks, excessive worrying, and fear,” Dwight explains.  This leads to one conclusion: “There’s a madman in our midst.”

Meanwhile, Nellie shows her new costume to Pam: ‘Sexy Toby’.  It’s a costume that no one asked for but happened anyway.

“Ohohoho, gross!” Pam laughs, “I love it.”

Dwight interrupts the friends’ bonding with a proclamation of ‘Dumatril’... freezing Nellie in her tracks.

“Okay, this is a pill that combats insanity, okay?”, Dwight argues, “Whoever is taking it is not only insane…” and in a deep whisper he says, “they are now off their meds.”

“Dwight, our co-workers’ health issues are really none of our business,” Nellie refutes.  She’s right, but that’s not why she says that.

“It’s my pill,” she reveals to the interviewer, “I have an anxiety issue and I’m not ashamed of that… but I’m not loving the idea of Dwight having that information.  I once saw him yell at Phyllis for sneezing wrong.”

Nellie is now put in a position where she joins him on his fool’s crusade.

“You can just say it’s Creeds,” Pam whispers.

“No, no, no I couldn’t do that, no… no no this is my thing and I’m not gonna finger anyone else.”  That’s what she said.

Pam offers some practical advice: Dwight’s wound up, so let him ride it out until he gets tired.  She and Jim do that with Cece all the time.

After they “question” some coworkers, Dwight and Nellie “confront” Darryl by seeing if he can buy into his portrayal of insanity… which is probably Dwight’s worst plan to apprehend someone yet.  Oh, and it involved Dwight smearing peanut butter on his face.  Darryl just makes a meal of it because he knows this is as productive as he’ll be all day.

After Nellie gets complimented by Toby with her novel choice in costume (which wasn’t nearly as awkward as one would assume), Dwight gets her to focus on the pill.

Nellie is fed up at this point.  “Okay, look, Dwight, let’s just call this thing off.  I mean, it’s just an anxiety pill.  Lots of people have anxiety.”

“You think I don’t have anxiety?” Dwight explains, “I have anxiety all the time.  Every waking moment of my life is sheer torture.  I have land disputes I’ve got to settle and idiot cousins to protect.  And ne’er-do-well siblings to take care of.  But I don’t need some stupid pill to get me through all this.”

He does have that list of problems to deal with, and he does have anxiety.  But that list of problems is not why he has anxiety.

Meredith walks in and tries to take the pill (because it’s Meredith) and Dwight has caught his culprit… until Nellie gets Meredith out of his oversized net, grabs the pill, and takes it in front of him.

“Oh Dwight, look, it’s just a pill, all right?” Nellie tells him, “It’s for anxiety, I take it every day, and it makes me feel better.”

She looks at his solemn face, knowing that he’s hurt inside.  She doesn’t know what it is, but she knows it has nothing to do with settling land disputes or rambunctious family members.

So she decides to help out her friend, “And maybe it could help you too.”

And, later that night, she succeeds in helping him.

“I need some of those pills,” Dwight whispers.

“Oh,” Nellie says, “well good for you. I mean, you’ll need a prescription.”

“Oh, no, no, no.  They’re not for me,” Dwight clarifies, “They’re for my cousin Mose.  He’s just having a tough time, being wifeless, and a high-pressure job and his crazy cousin Mose.”  He blows his cover, but at this point, he doesn’t seem to care.  “Other cousin Mose.”

“Mm, got it,” she responds, “Well, you tell Mose that he’s a good man and that I hope he feels better.”

“Which one?  Mose or the real Mose?”

“The real Mose.”

Dwight just simply replies, “He says thank you.”

As Dwight walks away, Pam walks up to her desk as she takes off her wig.  “Did he get worn out?”

“Oh yeah, he just… wanted to see about getting a prescription for his cousin Mose.”

“Right,” Pam responds knowingly, “Mose.”

Nellie was afraid she wouldn’t fit in with the rest of the office.  And now, they’re asking for her advice.  They’re helping her through her own life and them in return.  They’re being friendly and kind to her.  After being the “new boss” that no one liked, she finally finds a place here.

Some of her anxiety has been lifted.  And it isn’t the Dumatril’s doing.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

“Any questions?” Andy asks.

“The Senator will be joining us later!” Angela proudly announces.

“Not a question,” Andy responds.

“No, no it wasn’t.”

“Excellent!”

Oscar has been dreading this moment.  He knew, at some point, that he would have to see these two in the same room.  He knows how this is going to go later on, and he’s dreading it.  All he wants is to back out of this, to tell Lipton it’s over, he’s done, and the sooner he wakes up and quietly divorces his wife the better.  But Lipton… he didn’t get into politics with just a pretty face.  He’s smart, he’s tactful, he knows what to say and how to say it.  And that’s why Oscar keeps coming back.

To him, Lipton is — in more ways than one — irresistible.

As the party was in full swing, in walks Lipton, Ronald Reagan to Angela’s Nancy.

“And I told Phyllis not to put it out,” she tells him, “but she insisted, so…” Even all these years later there’s still party planning community drama.

“Anyway, hi— Oh! Oscar,” she says, “you remember my husband, the Senator.”

He does.  Oh Lordy, he does.

“Senator Lipton, nice to see you again,” Oscar greets, trying too hard to keep his cool.

“Nice to see you, Oscar,” he returns in his cumbersome Reagan mask.

While Angela complains about the spread of snacks (like she hasn’t done that 100 times already), both men have a chat.

Lipton takes off his mask, “So Oscar, you’re a dinosaur.”

“Actually I’m the electoral college,” Oscar jokes.

“Ouch,” Lipton replies, “right on target.”

Oscar prays that Angela breaks up the conversation, but instead she goes and berates Phyllis yet again.

“God it’s just so good to see you,” he tells him in that voice.  That damn voice, in the middle of a crowd full of people.  It’s like he’s not even trying!  Oscar thinks Lipton’s acting like neither his nor Angela’s feelings matter to him.

He’s acting like they don’t matter because, to him, they don’t.

During HCT’s rendition of Rose Royce’s ‘Car Wash’, he tempts Oscar into a personal conversation, and he wisely refuses, because Angela is right there!

—————————————————————————————————————————————

Pam was proud of her costume.  She wants Cece to follow her dreams no matter what she pursues, but she thinks it wouldn’t hurt to introduce the prospect of her pursuing something in STEM.  However, in that two-year-old mind of hers, the only thing that mattered is her favorite princess, Cinderella.  So, in the Halpert household, Cindy becomes an oncologist after happily ever after.

Jim doesn’t have a costume.  Again.  Erin’s disappointed, but he has a good reason.

Jim explains to the interviewer, “So the sports marketing business that I helped establish.”

“Athlead,” Pam adds.

“Right.  Well, there’s a big investment lunch today which Mark invited me to, so I decided to skip the costume.”

“We want to help invest,” Pam explains, “so we agreed on some money.”

“And she is amazing for even considering this in the first place,” Jim says smiling.

She smiles back, “Well, I mean it was your idea just as much as Mark’s.”

“Yes, yes it is.”

She smirks, “Not gonna let that go, are you?”

“No, no I won’t.”

Before he leaves for lunch, he just has to make sure.

“Are you sure you’re okay with me putting in this much money?” he asks.

“Yes,” she explains, “I mean, listen, if we’re gonna contribute then we might as well go for it.”

“You’re the best,” he says with a smile.

“I kinda am,” she smiles brightly.

“I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“Okay.”

He kisses her on the temple and walks off but not before getting an earshot of Dwight’s schoolyard joke.

“Look, Jim, I’m eating you!” he jokes proudly while eating a box of Nerds.

“Shut up,” Jim apathetically retorts.

The lunch goes very well thus far.  Seeing Mark again was great, and Colin — the infamous “other guy” — really knows what he’s doing.  As much as he sees himself in Athlead, he knows Colin is gonna do a better job as the President of New Acquisitions than he would.  So at the very least, there’s some evidence stacked for him backing out.

“So the workspace looks awesome,” Wade says.

“And the graphic designer is gonna be sending in some of the logo treatments,” Isaac adds, “can’t wait to see them.”

“You guys rock,” Colin affirms, and all five men awkwardly fist bump.

“I’ve also been running the numbers,” Isaac says, “and between our backers and our own investments, we’re looking great for a full year on this.”

Jim hears this and thinks… this sounds amazing.  Better than amazing!  If he and Pam were to go all-in on this, this would be an astounding opportunity for them!  This could mean he could have everything he’s ever wanted—

“With all the factors we have to contend with for this to work, it’d… it’d be far too much.  Especially for the kids.  And you know that, right?”

He does.  He does.  The fact that she even agreed to this is a blessing in it of itself.  But… What if he invests that much?  What if it turns out that’s the right move?

What if calling Mark back was the right move?

“Oh, uh, is it too late to get in?” Jim pipes up.  This is his chance.

“Jim, I explained everything, so you’re all set,” Mark explains.

“Oh no, I actually talked to my wife and we’d really like to, you know, invest.”

“Wow, well, what level of investment are you thinking about?” Isaac asks.

“...We were thinking of” $10,000 “$5,000?”

“Alright, welcome aboard!” Colin says.

“All right,” Jim chuckles, “Awesome, cool.”

He returns just in time for Here Comes Trebel’s debut Dunder Mifflin performance.

“Hey, how’d it go?” Pam asks happily.

“Oh man, it was great,” he tells her, excitedly, “They were great.”  It was all great.  So damn great.

“Did you end up investing?” 

“I did, yeah.”

“How much?”

“Five thousand,” he answers, “Are you sure that’s not too much?  Because I can—”

“I mean, it is what we agreed on,” she says, “I want this to succeed just as much as you.”  He knows she does, but that pesky doubt creeps in his mind.  “Besides, it’s not like you went all-in and invested most of our savings.”

He could have.  And he was about to.  And he’s so tempted to refute her statement.

‘Look at how much they’ve done already.’

‘It was clear that $10,000 is what we agreed to.’

‘I need to look like a team player.’

‘You weren’t there.’

But none of that was smart.  So he just bites his tongue and continues.

He’s well aware of his shortcomings, that he jumps in and wants to take chances… but sometimes those chances pay off.  Despite how insurmountable the risk is, it can pay off.  Immensely.  No, buying the house without Pam’s input wasn’t the best idea in hindsight, but it paid off, just like Athlead could.  He knows Pam, and she was like this once upon a time.  Fancy New Beesly.  He wonders what happened to her, and he hopes she can show back up one of these days.

Despite all these running thoughts, he realizes that he has Mama Beesly.  And as long as there’s a Beesly in his life, he’s happy.  “You really are the best,” he says with a smile.  She beams back.

As HCT serenades Pam with Edwin McCain’s ‘I’ll Be’, she tries to get into their performance.  But she notices that Jim’s looking at the floor.  She just wonders what’s up.

She finds out near the end of the party, both Halperts discuss HCT’s ‘Monster Mash’ performance with Kevin and Angela.

“That song obviously glorifies the occult,” Angela condemns.

“Oh come on, Angela, ‘Monster Mash’ is a classic!” Kevin argues.

“Sure it is Kev,” Jim pipes up, “but when you hear it long enough, it gets old.”

Pam senses he’s talking more than just ‘Monster Mash’.  “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Jim says, “there are other Halloween songs that aren’t ‘Monster Mash’, songs that are probably better than ‘Monster Mash’.”

“Sure, there are better songs,” Pam adds, “but ‘Monster Mash’ is tradition, it’s safe, it’s comfortable.  I mean, you can always bet on ‘Monster Mash’, no matter what.”

Jim nods and concedes, “No doubt about that.”

Pam walks over to him and whispers “Are you okay?”

He sighs, “Yeah, just… that lunch got me thinking about some things.”

“Okay,” she responds.  She knows they’ll address it later.

Kevin tells the interviewer that he never realized ‘Monster Mash’ was such a hot-button topic.

—————————————————————————————————————————————

The Halperts walk to their Outback after saying their goodnights, the cameras managing to catch their conversation.

Pam checks on him.  “Look, whatever it is you’re feeling… it’s okay to feel that.”

He smiles and just wraps his arm around her waist, “I know.  But, listen… I want Athlead.  A lot.  But I need you.  This,” he says, pointing to the two of them, “matters.  And it’s the only thing that matters.”

He can’t help but think he can have both.

Pam returns Jim’s words with the kiss.  They smile as they depart.

“Far above the busy humming

Of the bustling town,”

Lipton and Oscar have that private conversation, where he compliments him on his costume… and they kiss.  It was wonderful, as always.

“Reared against the arch of heaven,

Looks she proudly down.”

Andy sulks out of his office.

“What’s wrong?” Erin asks, concerned.

“My parents are broke.”

“Lift the chorus, speed it onward,

Loud her praises tell;”

As Oscar walks back inside, he notices that the cameras just caught Ronald Reagan make out with a dinosaur.

His shame is insurmountable.

“Hail to thee, our Alma Mater!

Hail, all hail, Cornell!”