Guilt was burning at him, like raging fires inside his gut, his chest, his brain.

He was an idiot.

An insensitive idiot, no less.

She had been in the shower for a long time. They were leaving soon, their few items of clothing and toiletries mostly packed into their bags ready to be loaded into the car. The sight of them only made him feel worse, compounding his failure towards her. He wasn't prepared for this – for what had happened to her. It was one thing that he had suspected it from early on – before they even got together in fact – but hearing it, having it confirmed like that, the raw, ugly truth was still a forceful punch to the gut; completely knocking the wind out of him.

At first he'd felt numb – his only focus had been her. He had been mortified on her behalf and all he wanted to do was take away the pain from her. And then the numbness had given way to a thirst for retribution that would not be quenched. He loved Pam. He wanted Roy to pay for every single thing he had ever done wrong to her. Roy should be jailed, should be punished – should not be allowed to forget what he had done. Pam couldn't – he watched her day in and day out trying desperately to scrub away the stubborn stains of the abuse Roy had inflicted on her.

Jim had handled it all wrong. He was sure of it – if there was a correct way to respond to the situation, he knew he had failed her. I can't Jim. She had pleaded with him. She'd been in the shower so long that the first pricks of panic were creeping up on him. Maybe she was mad at him. He knew he had allowed himself to be led by his fury at Roy – his wanting to see Roy face consequences the only way he knew how. Even prison was too good for him, it was true, but she was not ready. She'd trusted Jim, she'd let him in and he'd betrayed her trust by pressuring her. He was stupid! Of course that could wait, it was not the important part of all this – he finally understood, as he listened to the water running inside and the rain pouring outside, the most important thing was what had happened to her, what she had been through, what she was feeling – that he was the first person she opened up to. Everything else came second, including Roy.

Hot and cold emotions raged and surged through him as he listened to the hold music, and when he finally got through he was gripping the cell phone so hard his knuckles had turned white. Quickly, carefully he had explained the situation, laying it out in simple steps for the advisor on the other end. His girlfriend had been in an abusive relationship. There had been violence, blood, broken bones. Now she was with him. There were other kinds of abuse she had been subjected to, he had just learned. He wanted to help her – wanted to do right by her.

He felt he had got some good advice from the advisor – his now second call to the domestic abuse line for advice – and was maybe hopeful he could be more supportive towards her. Show care, show concern; he had been told. The messages came through clear and helped settle his mind. Be an advocate for her. Don't attempt to avenge the abuse for her. Don't let your own anger override her decisions. Be her partner in all ways, champion her to help her heal.

He could do it. Whatever she needed.

Finally the shower water stopped running and she slunk nervously out of the bathroom. The rain was coming down even harder, at a torrential pace as he took their bags downstairs and stowed them safely in the car. Soon they were side by side in the front seats, on the road, a delicate silence hanging between them.

-TO-

"Dammit." Jim muttered, slowing down. He was totally off base that day, moving from bad decision to idiocy in seconds. Glancing at the rearview was no help – the heavy rain obscured the traffic behind him like a sheet.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." Pam offered in a gentle voice.

Jim smiled at her awkwardly. "Sorry." he mumbled, turning his eyes back to the road. They were now crawling so slowly he figured at this rate they wouldn't make it back before dark. If he'd had any sense he would have suggested they book in another night at the hotel and call in to the office in the morning. Pam said nothing, mirroring the same smile he had just given her.

They drove on, slowly, no sound inside the car. There was only the whining of the engine as it trailed them along behind the other cars, the rain slamming down around them like some sort of mystical cage, and the road disappearing behind them.

"Are you still angry?" Pam suddenly broke through the silence, keeping her eyes straight ahead.

"Huh?" Jim said, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

"You were mad." she said, after a moment's hesitation.

Jim frowned, his stomach dropping. "Hey…" he said with feeling, turning to look at her. "I was never mad at you. Never. I was angry at him, not you. He hurt you, and I feel like shit that I can't take that away from you. How could I be mad at you? Pam, none of this is your fault."

She paused. "I just thought…. I didn't…"

Jim waited for her to finish, but she had fallen quiet, a pensive expression settling over her. "Pam… I feel really, really badly about everything. I can't help feeling I let you down earlier."

She looked at him quizzically, but didn't speak.

"I just wanted to say… it's your decision about talking to the police. I'm sorry for telling you what to do. I was mad. At Roy." he added quickly, seeing her expression rapidly change back to one of nervousness. "Anyway, I promise I'll not mention the police again unless you do. Deal?"

Pam considered him a moment, before nodding slowly. Limply she rolled her head to the side, looking out at the water splashing against the window.

"This changes things doesn't it?" she said with a measured tone.

Now Jim was the one with the confusion crossing his face. "Changes things how?"

"Between us." she mumbled.

"If you mean this has been a step forward for us, I agree. If you mean we can work on moving forward, together, than I also agree." he said simply.

"No." she said, looking down at her hands. "I mean… if you don't want to… how can you want to even touch me again?"

"Woah." Jim exclaimed as the car splashed through a large pool of water. "How could I not want to? You are so beautiful. I'm so proud of you. What Roy did to you is beyond horrible, and it must hurt like hell for you to tell someone about it – I can't tell you how I feel that you trust me enough to let me in like that. Even if I'm an idiot sometimes."

"You're not an idiot." she said softly.

"If I could go back and prevent it all from happening to you, I would."

Pam sighed carefully. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this."

"Hey… " he said, as the car slowed to a stop in traffic. "We're a team, right. We're even. Equals." He lightly ran the back of his fingers over her cheek, causing her to lift her head, allowing him to see the tears rushing to her eyes. "I'll do whatever it takes to help you heal from this… I'll go to counselling with you if you want me to, I'll listen, my shoulder is always open to you if you want to cry on it. I told you, don't worry about the other stuff. We've got forever to figure it all out."

"But.. what if I don't wanna… not ready…."

She looked so pitiful and small, Jim had such an urge to scoop her up into his arms and tell her things would work out. But he knew that wasn't going to get through to her – yet. She needed to hear it – he sensed it, with that unspoken communication they had between them, he could read her so well. He knew what she was thinking.

"If you're not ready, then neither am I." he said simply. "There's more to our relationship than sex. I could never, ever, pressure you to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

"But…" she said, her face flushing various shades of red. "But.. you'll want to…"

"But, nothing." he said. "How long have we known each other? I waited for you for so long. I didn't need to be with you to fall in love with you. I fell in love with you because you are you, before that was even on the table."

At that, he watched with dismay as Pam put her hands to her face and openly cried, shoulders shaking. Her tears turned to sobs, it was like a floodgate had been opened suddenly. She cried, great desperate sobs that racked her frail body. Jim looked at her with sympathy, suddenly understanding. He was so close to her pain it permeated through himself, stung his heart and brought water to his own eyes. All those feelings she had, she had been harboring for so long. All that emotion, that fear locked away inside herself.

He laid his hand on her bowed head, feeling her body tremble beneath him. "Hey." he said kindly, little more than a whisper. "Let it all out, love. It's not doing you any good keeping it all inside."

She cried on, like there was so much pain, too much for her skin to contain inside and it came bursting forth. Jim simply held on to her as best as he could, from the awkward positioning of the car seats, feeling actions would help her more than words at that moment. The rain had reached a blistering pace, grounding the cars to a halt on the freeway, while the woman inside cried herself into an ocean.

-TO-

Two hours later, and barely fifty miles further towards their destination, Pam's tears had mainly dried off. She was sitting quietly, snuggled into the warm blanket that Jim had dashed out of the car to retrieve from the trunk for her, braving the rain. He felt as though they had reached a turning point between them, their relationship had settled in the right direction. She looked thoroughly exhausted, yes, but after her tears had stopped, a new light was taking place in her eyes, a new resilience.

He looked upon her fondly, feeling overwhelmed with emotion for her. He hadn't been lying, he was very proud of her – of what it took for her to get to where she was now, and despite how insecure she was about herself, she had never backed away from the trauma she had suffered, she had faced it head on and she had let him in. There would be more speed bumps in the road ahead but he was prepared for that. After all, he was in it for the long haul.

He himself had so many strong feelings about everything – he was furious -at Roy- and he felt an overwhelming over protectiveness towards her – a determination to see no one ever laid so much as an angry finger in her direction ever again. He felt a helplessness for the fact that what had happened had happened and he couldn't take that away from her, that he couldn't take all the pain and damage and simply heal her of everything. There was a part of him that struggled to accept how Roy – how anyone – could ever hurt her that way, could ever want to. And a searing dismay at something she'd mumbled through her sobbing – that she should have been able to stop him, should have walked away.

Jim couldn't disagree more. He'd seen first hand the mental scars the physical abuse, the manipulation had left on her. He even reasoned so far she had been caught in a stockholm syndrome type situation – hadn't she told him many times how she had loved Roy? She made excuses for him, she accepted his abuse. Roy was a big guy compared to her, he didn't think it was fair to assume she could have stopped Roy if she tried.

But, he thought, given time and a chance at a normal, healthy relationship she would come to understand this on her own.

Jim smiled at her warmly, as the cars started to move along slowly again. Cautiously, she smiled back at him, reaching out to catch hold of his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers.

"You know something, Beesly?" he said mischievously. "I think I know how to lighten things up, so to speak." He lifted his cell phone with his other hand and placed it in the phone holder. Quickly he scrolled through, and pressed speaker.

"Hello?" answered the familiar voice.

"Ah, good evening Sir." Jim said, in a deep, throaty voice, thrilled to hear a small giggle come from his right. "Is this Mr Michael Scott?"

"Yes…. I'm Mr Michael Scott."

"Oh, Sir, excuse me for bothering you at a late hour however we are calling to confirm your order with our company for one o'clock tomorrow, at Carmen's."

"One o'clock… oh yes, big client lunch. Corporate, big guns. Yes, out to impress." Michael said.

"Very good sir." Jim went on. "We've got you booked in with five of our top ladies. Promptly at one o'clock. We are very professional, sir."

"Uh… five, you say? Yes, um… what is the name of your company again?"

Jim kept a straight face on. "Strippers for you, Sir. Please check your invoice. It is all booked in as requested. We appreciate your continued business."

"Oh… wait, wait.. did I … strippers for you… hang on…" There was a frantic rustling from the other end of the phone. "Did I order a stripper from you?"

"Five of them, Sir. Erotic dancers. We provide the cake and the sequins, Sir."

"Wait.. what? When did I order this?" Michael wailed.

"For the bachelor party at one o'clock tomorrow at Carmen's." Jim supplied, smothering a laugh.

"Oh God, NO. NO. NO!" Michael shouted into the phone. From the seat next to him, Pam exploded into a loud giggle. Jim beamed back at her and leaned over to kiss her gently on the cheek.

"Nooooooooo." Michael moaned in the background.

Jim smiled widely as Pam began to laugh almost as hard has she had cried. It was sweet music to his ears.