It would have been comical had she not been so nervous.

Her stomach clenched and slackened and clenched the way it did when she was deep in anticipation, bringing with it the bitter taste of nausea to her mouth. She wanted everything to be just right, wanted to give something back to Jim - something more than just words. She wanted him to feel the way she did in those moments when he showed her his depth of feeling towards her in those tiny but far from insignificant ways, often through small soft kisses and long warming hugs. He deserved to be spoiled for once, and she hated that she didn't return nearly enough of the care and affection he typically lavished upon her. She hated that she was so closed off, to Jim who was so open, so giving with her.

She fingered the glittering bracelet on her wrist, turning it to different angles to admire the bright sparkling sunbeams casting beautiful flashes of light over the gold chain. It was the most precious gift she had ever been given. Not because of it's extravagance - being solid yellow gold sprinkled with shimmering diamonds; not because it was clearly very expensive and, definitely not because she felt he should buy her extravagant gifts, but simply because he had chosen the bracelet, it was from him. The beauty of it was undeniable, but he could have fashioned a bracelet for her out of string and cloth and she would have treasured it just the same. Lately she was beginning to feel a little more normal about his displays of affection – as a friend he had been big hearted, caring, often there with a hug or measure of support or encouragement. That was who he was. But now things were different, partners had different rules, different lines to draw and blur, and while she treasured everything he gave to her, there was a heavy darkness hanging over it all; a sadness and underservedness, a suddenly tangible emotional starvation running through her.

The bracelet glittered and flashed at her as she flittered around the table, nervously straightening the silverware, lighting the candles with a shaking hand. A bashful smile played across her lips as she surveyed her efforts. Several times she darted to the little kitchen window on hearing the rumblings of an engine approaching. It was almost torture, she had decided, waiting for him to come home. Her phone buzzed on the table, causing her to jump involuntarily and sending a bolt of anxiety into her chest, but on scooping it up she found to her relief it was not Jim messaging her to say he was going to be late.

"Enjoy yourself. Try not to worry so much. He'll appreciate you whatever. Love Mom x."

Pam read the message with a smile. She thought it was cute that her mom always ended her messages like that. Helene was still getting the hang of the idea of a cell phone. Pam was just grateful that her mom finally had acquiesced and allowed her other daughter to buy her one, subsequently meaning she was in quick reach if needed. She tapped out a brief reply, and then shoved the phone away into her bag, turning the volume off.

It was at that moment that Jim walked in, stepping so lightly she barely heard him. Her hands fluttered nervously over the front of her dress, smoothing the satin skirt down over her thighs.

She might have laughed had her stomach not been so heavy. Jim strolled into the kitchen area, wearing a familiar half grin, his backpack slung in its usual spot over his right shoulder. Then he saw her, standing timidly behind the lit candles on the table. His reaction was quick and amusing. The goofy half smile stilled, as though he had frozen on the spot. Staring at her from his side of the room, unblinking, his eyebrows slowly rose and his mouth opened and for a crucial moment she was sure she had got it all wrong. But his glowing eyes told her different, and his lips began to stretch widely into a stunned smile.

"Ummm…" Pam mumbled, her cheeks flushing hot. She ran her hands down the front of her dress again. "I guess I went a bit overboard…. But-"

"Stop." he said, blinking. "You look so…. Incredible. Don't change a thing."

She stared back at him in wonder, her mouth working and relieved tears stinging at her eyes. Before she thought any further she was across the room and wrapping her arms around his neck. Jim responded in kind, encircling his arms around her small waist as she whispered a thank you into his ear.

-TO-

"Woah." Jim said, looking down at his plate appreciatively. "When did you find time to do all this?"

"I kinda got out a bit earlier this afternoon while you were still out." She shrugged a little guiltily.

"Candles, wine, soft shell crab…. you. I'm liking this fancy new Beesly."

"Well… you did have a stressful day… so I thought you might need something relaxing." she said and lightly nudged his foot with her toe.

"Dinner with a pretty lady works wonders, I've heard."

Pam shrugged modestly. "Well presented, anyway."

"Gorgeous."

"Oh uh…" she stuttered, going red. "It's the hair, and the dress… they hide a multitude of sins."

Jim chuckled at her, taking a sip of his wine. "You could wear a sackcloth and still be a knock out."

"I think that wine's gone to your head, Halpert." Pam rolled her eyes at him and smirked.

"In wine there is truth." Jim mused. Pam opened her mouth, intending to respond with a remark of her own, but thought better of it. She snapped her jaw shut quickly, pressing her lips together. Jim watched her curiously, but chose not to question it.

"This was really good." he said, leaning forward and placing his elbows on the table.

Pam smiled shyly, picking up his empty plate. "You stay right there. I'm taking care of you this evening."

"Okay." he replied. Even though his voice was one of amusement, he was genuinely touched and a little excited by this new assertive version of his girlfriend. All the effort she had put in had not gone unnoticed by him; she was was absolutely stunning tonight. He watched her moving delicately around the kitchen, retrieving forks and plates for dessert.

"Don't move." he said suddenly, grinning as she paused mid motion looking back over her shoulder at him questioningly.

"You look so beautiful standing there in that light. Don't move a muscle."

Pam rolled her eyes. "Oh, you…" she muttered, hiding her pleasure at his obvious approval. Moving in dainty, feminine motions she brought the dessert to the table, situating herself opposite him again. Jim happily picked up his fork, digging into his plate.

"It's delicious." he mumbled with his mouth full, by way of an explanation for his table manners. Pam laughed heartily, watching him through the candlelight. The soft glow accentuated every strand of his messy head perfectly, hair flopping casually over his forehead, little tufts lifting up at the sides. Messy, she mused. Perfectly wild and chaotic, but totally in check… it was so him, a complete reflection of his crazy-yet-in-control character. She smiled a little, lifting up her wine glass.

"To better things to come." Jim said, raising his own glass and clinking it against hers.

"Hope so." she said softly.

Jim laughed. "So, tell me more about you, Ms Beesly. How are things going for you?"

Pam looked down at her glass, swirling the wine around it with a fond smirk as she pondered the question.

"Oh you know. Crap year. Crap relationship. Crap men." she said ruefully. "Then…. I met this incredible guy."

"Incredible, huh?" Jim said, with exaggerated intrigue.

"Yes.. incredibly handsome, incredible personality."

"Tell me more, pretty lady."

"Incredible sense of humor…"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, He's a salesman. We met at the office. He was my best friend. Still is." she added, biting her bottom lip thoughtfully. "He even has his own fan club."

"He does, does he?" Jim poked fun, knowing full well what she was referring to.

She spoke cheerfully. "Yeah, he does. 'Cause you know, he's so handsome. I have to fight off other women."

"Defending your territory, Queen Beesly?"

Pam swallowed hard. "I do… there's this woman, who is really into him in the office-"

"Woman who is deluded." Jim interrupted.

"This woman who has fallen for him – who can blame her, right? She talks nonsense a lot of the time but she is right about him…."

Jim smiled at her. "Yeah… but her views about women and relationships are way off."

Tracing her finger lightly across the placemat Pam tilted her head. "So, you don't think it's all about control?"

Jim leaned forward. "I think a real woman – as she put it – is a survivor, strong inside, strong not by dominating and controlling someone else, but because she's someone who can weather the worst and be all the stronger for it in the end."

Pam lowered her eyes to the table. "Well...then…" she mumbled hoarsely, pushing down a wave of emotion.

"And is a knockout in a blue dress. Or a sackcloth." he added mischievously.

"Oh, did I mention he's really smooth with the compliments?"

Jim smiled playfully and leaned further forward, elbows pressed into the hard tabletop. "And now…"

"And now- now he's…. he's the most important thing in my life." she said shyly, feeling herself flush a little.

"So, he's an incredibly lucky guy then." Jim said, his heart pounding hard. He wanted nothing more than to gather her up in his arms and kiss her head to toe. Just hearing her say it, everything he had dreamed of her saying to him for years, the joy he felt was enough to knock him out cold.

"The luck is all mine, believe me." she muttered truthfully. She raised her eyes to look at him. "I still wonder when I'll mess it all up. With him, I mean. If it will last."

"Is there a doubt in your mind?"

"Well…." she thought seriously. "I have so much baggage… and I am pretty hard to live with…."

"Yeah, you're right, we gave it our best shot." Jim teased.

Pam stared back at him a moment, uncertainty playing over her face. Then confusion cleared and she gave in. "Best to call it quits right now." she said with forced solemnity.

"Agreed. We'll divide our assets. I'll take Michael and you can have Dwight."

"Hey! In that case, you get Andy as well."

Jim fake groaned. "Oh man." He drained the last of his wine melodramatically. Pam giggled, shaking her head.

"You big baby." she teased, her eyes sparkling and moved to pour him another glass. Somehow, while trying to laugh and pour at the same time, she managed to lose her grip and before another word was uttered a crimson patch was spreading over the front of Jim's shirt.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, stepping back, flushing furiously.

Jim casually leaned back on his chair, placing a finger over his mouth. "Eau de Pinot Noir is my favorite cologne." he said innocently. Pam stared at him hesitantly, surveying him for signs of anger and saw none, she burst out laughing.

"I could suspect you did that on purpose, Beesly. You think you could stop laughing long enough to hand me a cloth- Or even another shirt?"

She fled to the kitchen and out of the room, giggling hard.

"Here." she sputtered, returning with a towel. Buoyed by his good humor and still laughing, she ambled towards him. With only slight hesitation she pressed the towel against the wet patch on his shirt and impulsively planted herself delicately in his lap. Before he could say a word, she began to gently pat away the stain in circles around his chest, shivering at the nearness of him.

Jim slowly reached up and caught hold of her wrist, stopping her in mid circuit. "Hey." he said, barely above a whisper. She looked up at him, eyes shining. Then his lips were on her neck and she closed her eyes, inhaling him. Dropping the towel, her hands made their way around his middle to his back, coming to rest below his shoulders.

"You're all wet." she said after a while, pulling back from him. She shifted on his knee, gripping the hem of his shirt and carefully manoeuvring it up and over his head. Shirt discarded next to the wet towel, she pressed her hand against his bare chest, nodding her head forward and bringing their lips together. She inhaled deeply; he smelled so good, it was the strong typically-Jim smell that she loved so much, the scent that was only attributable to him – the intoxicating scent that made her forget about everything but him.

His hands moved all over her thighs, making them burn and numb, as they kissed hungrily. Then his hands were moving up into her chest and under the dress and a fire was starting inside of her. Heat spread through her limbs and her mind and she felt truly happy for the first time in years. She kissed him back with passion, her hands cupping his face, all of the held back feelings and sexual tension over the years condensing into the moment between them.

-TO-

It felt so good. Jim's fingers, his touch was so right for her. This was right where she was supposed to be, she felt it.

They had somehow ended up upstairs, still entwined together, on top of his bed. Everything in the room radiated Jim, magnified all the things she loved about him. He lay on top of her, hands running up and down her hips, lips working their way from neck to face. She loved him, he was absolutely sure of it. It was in her eyes, in her touch – in every single way that it wasn't with every other girl he had been with. This was it.

Her hand travelled flirtatiously up his leg, to the button of his jeans. She felt him stiffen, then she took her moment, lifting her fingers higher and pushing against his bare chest.

"Okay…" she mumbled, against his mouth, pressing lightly on him. "Okay, that's enough. Stop."

She felt badly, for what she was doing. She knew it was teasing, she thought it was mean, but she had to know. She had to let it go this far to know if he would be able to stop. In her rational mind, she knew it. But she had to do it. She had to know for sure.

Jim let out a deep moan, lifting his head a little, bringing it away from her face. "Huh?" he mumbled.

"Stop. I want you to stop."

She held her breath, fearing anger, disappointment from him. Those were things she felt herself, in herself but still, she had to know. Fearful of his reaction, she closed her eyes. Then the warm pressure on top of her lifted and he turned over, laying next to her.

Just like that.

He let go. He stopped.

Despite her fear of his reaction, her heart swelled with love for him. She kept her eyes closed, feeling she had ruined the romantic evening but then she felt a warm arm curl around her and draw her close. She pressed her cheek into his bare chest, sliding an arm up over his middle, hugging herself closer into him.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, kissing his chest.

"Told you." he replied lovingly, returning a kiss to her forehead.

"I really don't have anything to worry about, do I?" she said, more to herself than Jim. She could feel his heartbeat under her cheek, strong and steady, and alive.

"Not with me." Jim said sincerely, catching hold of her hand. "Only being loved to death for the rest of your life."

Carefully she lifted his hand to her mouth in reply, and slowly kissed each of his fingers.

"Think you can handle it, Beesly?"

Pam laid another soft kiss on his chest. "I can if you can, love." she said.