As far as first encounters went, meeting Jim's family was more awkward than she could have expected. Long anticipating a friendly, well planned out introduction to his parents, and his siblings, she hadn't foreseen that she would meet them all together. At the same time. With Gerald out of imminent danger and the tension easing off around them, the significance of her sudden introduction to the Halpert family cast a heavy shadow of anxiety over her. Flashing back to the vomit inducing nerves the prospect of meeting Roy's parents had stirred in her; how particular Roy had been – how he had instructed her how he wanted her to act, warning her his mom didn't like this, his dad didn't approve of that. The whole thing had been an anxiety attack from start to finish. Thankfully, in a way, she had been saved the pre-nerves part of this ordeal this time around – both times, both Jim's mother and father.

No, it was too sudden and too uncertain a situation to feel particularly nervous over how Jim's dad might perceive her. Undeniably right there under her surface poking at her was the strong desire that Gerald approve of her. For her, for Jim. She had thought about this a good deal since her accidental meeting with Jim's mom. And she had worried, worried a lot. Now, having been introduced to Gerald, a weak and tired looking man propped up in a hospital bed, she knew there were better ways this could have gone. For a start, the man was tired and drowsy, a long thin IV line running from the back of his hand – the hand his wife insisted on holding – and a cloudy, confused dullness in his eyes of one who is stuck somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. Add to that the strangeness of the situation – meeting around a hospital bed, there had been no time to work on first impressions. Still, a drowsy, unwell Gerald Halpert turned out to be a humorous and gracious man, seemingly happy enough to have met her. Yes, meeting Jim's dad was uncomfortable considering the circumstances, but there had been another factor she hadn't considered.

Jim's brothers. From the minute Jim had presented her to them both, she had sensed something was off, something she couldn't pin down. A tension of sorts that hadn't been there with either Larissa or Betsy when she was introduced. There was a feeling it may have mattered more – at least to Jim – that his brothers liked her, a feeling, some underlying thing she couldn't figure out between the brothers. Not competitive, not rivalry but… something else that festered in Jim. It was something she wasn't used to seeing in him.

And yet, both brothers had been polite, courteous even, towards her, their attention had been with their father and looking after their mother. It was Jim that she was concerned for. Not only had he been thrust into another crisis so unexpectedly, it was visibly obvious that he was almost exhausted – something she noticed with guilt. After all, it was her fault he was so tired, her disrupting his sleep and calling him over in the middle of the night on her own panicked notions about Kenny, a memory that caused her to shudder internally. Whether or not Kenny had truly been outside, she had once again pulled Jim into her hysteria and despite his lack of complaint, she could see it all over his face.

She knew Jim wasn't very excited by the idea of going to dinner, and truthfully neither was she, but with their father out of danger and recovering well, Pete and Tom had suggested it. Both of them, like a tag team, a double act, had large characters, not exactly loud, but a definitely noticeable presence and although Jim initially tried to refuse the idea of heading out for a late afternoon meal with them, they had somehow talked him around, without, she noted, ever asking him directly.

As they left the hospital, Pam had thought to mention to Jim that they might stay and keep his mother company.

"She's really shaken up, Jim. She shouldn't be on her own." she had told him in a whisper, off to the side where the other Halperts weren't able to hear. Jim had agreed, but it had ended up being Larissa who had insisted on staying with her parents, that she would drive her mom home later that day.

So, the four of them headed out, finding a small pasta place not far from the hospital. With the presence of beer and good food, Jim's brothers relaxed and ate heartily. Jim did not eat much, pushing his pasta around the plate with his fork, dipping in and out of the conversation occasionally. Pam, her attention on Jim, didn't do much better with her own meal.

"When did you guys get together?" Tom asked curiously.

"We didn't even know you existed until today." Pete added, directing this to Pam.

Jim pulled his eyes away from his meal to look at his brothers, dangling his fork over the food."It's actually been a while."

Tom sat up straight in his chair, his own meal dwindled to a few last strands of pasta wrapped around the fork. "Where d'ya meet?"

"At work." Jim said casually, meeting his brothers eyes. Pam watched this exchange thoughtfully, catching the look that bounced between the three of them- the warning frown on Jim's face, the wicked grin his brothers shared.

"Picking up the clients now, Jimmy?" Pete laughed, earning himself a playful nudge from Tom.

"Er actually –"

Tom cut in. "Oh wait, are you the receptionist?"

Pam flinched, his voice had grown loud and animated. Tom eyes briefly narrowed before he turned his attention on Jim, who was already answering for her.

"Yeah, she is." Silent understanding passed between the brothers. Pam looked away. She couldn't help it, feeling the discomfort growing from the seat next to her. She thought she was beginning to understand, this was a well played out routine between the three of them that only she was not familiar with.

"Take that back, we did know you existed."

"Yup, we were wondering when we'd meet you, right Pete?"

"Wow.. okay…" Jim mumbled, looking down at his plate. "Awkward…."

Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Pam studied her drink. "I guess a lot of people thought it was going to happen."

"Yup." Jim said, not lifting his eyes.

"Cute, meeting each other in the office. It's like a once in a life time thing, when it lasts." Pete said, smirking.

"Twice." Tom added, raising his hand. Jim grunted a warning, looking up at them.

"Oh that's right." Pete added. "You were married to another guy who worked there, right?"

Pam's eyes widened. "Uh…."

"Guys, come on. That's a little rude."

"That was a long time ago." Pam said softly, turning her attention to Jim. "And…"

"Pam, don't worry about it." Jim said, placing his hand lightly on her back.

"Just saying, Jimmy, she-"

"We weren't married." Pam added calmly.

"– obviously has a type." Pete finished.

Pam flushed, her mouth opening and closing in small hesitant movements. "Uh, I don't.."

She heard Jim answer, sounding far away. "He worked in the warehouse. Warehouse is not the office."

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, pulling in a breath. "And he and Jim are nothing alike." Pam spoke gently, mustering up a calmer appearance. "At all."

"Don't worry about it." Jim repeated, looking directly at her.

"Just saying." Tom pressed his lips together tightly, his cheeks puffing out with barely concealed mirth. "I bet it gets awkward around the water cooler when you all run into each other."

"Very awkward." Pete jumped on. Jim sighed, slumping back against his chair.

"What is your problem today?" he huffed, shaking his head.

"I know it doesn't sound the greatest, but the warehouse guy was a mistake and Jim…"

"Seriously, guys?" Jim said, cutting her off.

To Jim's annoyance, and Pam's astonishment the two men in front of them exploded into laughter. Looking at Jim in confusion, he shook his head at her.

"We're sorry Pam." Tom wiped at his cheeks, hiccuping with giggles. "Jim hates it when we pick on his girlfriends."

"We were lightening things up a little." Pete continued. "Got you."

Jim sank an elbow on to the table top, covering his mouth with his hand. He didn't say anything, his eyebrows snapping upwards. Pam hesitantly reached out to him under the table, feeling knee deep in tension. She suddenly felt she had a much clearer idea of how things were between Jim and his brothers. They were a lot alike, a lot of similarities in their humor, their mannerisms, their quick wit but at that moment she felt very lucky she had been brought together with the right Halpert – she was sure Tom and Pete could be a lot of fun and never intended any harm – but she was grateful that Jim, despite their shared sense of humor, was at least as not as facetious to the degree of his brothers.

"Hey, remember when we pranked Jim when he was with that girl – the one who always wore the shortest skirts-" Pete went on.

"Hilarious." Tom added. "He was so embarrassed!"

- TO-

The drive home after dinner was quiet and reflective, Pam sneaking small glances at Jim in hopes that he was getting some much needed sleep. But no, he sat unspeaking, his tired face tight and drawn. Several times she had started to ask if he was okay and bit her tongue. She didn't need to ask to know the answer.

"Hey," she said, lightly running the tips of her fingers up and down his arm. "We're home."

"Thanks for coming today." he said, a little stiffly and got out of the car. Pam climbed out of the drivers side and followed him up the driveway. She watched as he fumbled with his keys, muttering darkly to himself.

Things were different. This was a Jim she hadn't seen before, not the cool, unruffled Jim she knew so well– this Jim was frazzled, tense; even angry.

"Hey," she said, with a little nervousness. "You want a coffee… or hot chocolate?"

Blithely, he shook his head by way of an answer, walking into the living room and out of her sight.

"Hey, uh, Jim?" she followed him in to the room. He was standing by the window looking blankly out, arms folded stiffly over his chest. "Jim…" she repeated, trying to make him turn to her. After a moment, he did.

"Want to talk about it?"

"About what?" he replied loosely.

"Thought maybe you could use a friendly ear right now." she said softly.

He spoke through clenched teeth, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"Is that true?" she ventured. "Can't help but think there's more to this that your dad getting ill. Talk to me?"

"It's nothing – you know I hate being frustrated."

"I know you do. What's frustrating you?"

"Do you really want to do this right now?" He said grimly, turning away from her again.

"Huh?" She was confused. "What…? Why can't you talk to me?"

"What….? Great, Pam. I'll do that. It's so easy, you know how easy it is, how easy to do that."

"To talk to me?"

"To get like that, to get… I don't know, everything is just, everything. I feel like stuff never stops happening."

Pam went cold. "Come on, sit down. Let's just…. talk."

"What good is talking, really Pam?" He began to move around as he spoke, pacing the room with a sudden energy that was disconcerting to her.

"I talk to you." she replied simply.

He turned back to her, eyes bright and emotional. "I know you do. I know, but everything is so crazy. And then that dinner –"

"I know, your brothers were a little hard on you, they took it too far – they were having fun. They didn't see anything beyond that."

"Fun? What do you call fun these days? Listen, Pam, you know me better than anyone and I love you but obviously this is not a good idea tonight."

Her heart dropped to the floor. "You want me to leave?" She shook her head worriedly. "Not like this – not when you're this upset."

"I'm not upset. I'm not. I'm…"

"Frustrated. I get it."

He moved back and forth around the room, he couldn't keep still. Pam watched him move, right, left, right, left before she stepped forward, gently gripping his arm. "Please stop."

As if startled by her touch, Jim quit pacing around. Only when he was standing still beside did he turn to look at her, with so much anguish that she felt she could cry at his expression alone. A wave of empathy for him crashed over her. She turned to him, stretching out her arms.

"Oh, it's alright. It's okay." she said soothingly.

Carefully he pulled himself out of her grasp, resuming his circuit of the room again. "Mmmmm." he mumbled to himself. Pam felt a sharp stab of hurt slice through her. Jim never pulled away from her, never. It hurt, it really hurt. And in a weird way, she realized she would rather take a beating from Roy every day for the rest of her life than ever have Jim pull away from her like that again. She stared at him in silence, her concern for him exploding.

"Okay, Jim. I get it, I do." she said with feeling. "The last year has mostly sucked for both of us, and a lot of that was my fault. But why can't you talk to me? You've been strong for both of us, but you know what – don't. I need you to be you for a while. You don't have to protect me like that. Talk to me."

"I told you I wouldn't hurt you! I promised you that!"

"Why would talking to me hurt me? You won't hurt me. You can't hurt me by needing me for once. Please, let me help. Please, talk to me."

He paced furiously up and down, his voice rising and falling in waves. "You wanna talk? Know how I feel? This morning I thought I was gonna lose my dad. Then that stupid pranking at dinner. And then there's Kenny, and Roy, and you. You know how long I waited for you? Since the day I met you! I sat around and watched you and Roy pretend to be happy for five years and I smiled and laughed and pretended to be happy for you and said nothing. I saw nothing wrong. Roy was hurting you for all that time! How could I not have seen it? That feels like shit. And you know what feels like absolute shit – I didn't do a damn thing to help you all that time, and then you show up looking the way you did after Roy had finished with you and I wanted to kill him – I really did. You think it's been easy seeing you go through so much pain? No – it hurt! And at the hotel – the worst of what Roy did to you! I feel like shit I can't take that away from you, I can't make that better for you. To hear you talk about what he did to you like it was your fault, like you asked for it – you think that doesn't hurt too? You think I don't go to sleep every night worrying about keeping you safe? Worrying about losing you? Worrying that I can't make you happy?"

"Hey." she moved towards him urgently, completely shocked by his outburst. She reached out for his hand, it was the only thing she knew to do. Again he pulled away. She spoke gently, carefully. "Listen, I'm right here. And nothing is going to happen to me – please just –"

"I'm talking about you walking away because you don't trust me – you can't trust me. Not yet. I see you, I see you flinching when you think I haven't noticed – sometimes you get this look in your eyes like you think I'm going to hurt you! I would never. You know what that would do to me if you walked away from me? I need you, dammit. I do need you!"

With that he slumped down against the couch, knees drawn up, elbows digging into his thighs. His hands rubbed at his head, hiding his face from her. The sight of him so vulnerable made her body ripple with emotion, an overpowering urge shook her to her core to rush over to him and squeeze the life out of him. It was almost too much for her to bear, he looked so miserable. His words haunted back to her. Guilt fired through her like bullets – twice now she hadn't seen the pain he was in, twice she had let him down. Blind, fools are blind Helene always said. Twice she had failed him. Her mind cast back – Betsy had told her Jim was depressed last year and she had been too self involved to notice, too selfish in her own misery to notice what was right in front of her face. And now, looking at him she was so angry with herself all of a sudden – she hadn't seen this coming. How could she not have seen this coming?

A small sniff from inside his folded hands brought her back to the present. No. She was here now. She had a chance now.

Moving carefully, she kneeled down on the floor beside him. Gently she ran her fingers down the back of his hair, her eyes filling up at the shaking shoulders in front of her. No. She would be strong. She would be there for him.

"Hey." she whispered lovingly, moving closer, pushing away all her own feelings. Taking hold of his wrists, she cautiously peeled his hands away from his head, heart pumping with relief that he allowed her to and didn't pull away. Slipping her arms around his neck, she softly brought his head down to rest on her shoulder. One hand lifted to stroke his cheek, her touch so full of love for him as his arms stole around her back, gripping at her shirt needily.

She tightened her arms around him, resting her cheek in his hair. As she carefully rubbed his back in circles, a feeling waved through her so powerfully she thought she might pass out from it – and an understanding bloomed in her. The fog began to clear, reality took shape. Suddenly everything looked bright, real.

Jim, Jim was there, real and alive and (love) was there. She breathed in deeply savoring the touch, the feel, the smell of his hair, his nearness. He was real. She cast her eyes around the room. Everything looked larger than life and bright and there. Even the stupid little things in the room suddenly felt dear to her, the cushion askew on the floor beside them, the tiny rip in the fabric of the couch. The sound of Jims breathing, slowing down, in and out, in and out, it was precious to her ears. She pressed her lips into his hair, kissing his head with such emotion she felt a slight shift from him. She shushed him, and didn't let go.

She understood. The things Jim had been trying to tell her, about needing each other, about love. Things she now began to understand. She needed him. He needed her. He was right, always right. She heard him. It was okay to love again. He had been trying to tell her all along. She had heard him, finally. It was okay to love again.