One thing about living alone for the first time Pam was discovering was the vast emptiness suddenly surrounding her. All of a sudden there was time to fill, hours to spare, vacant spaces that had not been there before.

No one to prepare meals for, no one to answer to. No one to share her time, no one to be considerate of.

No one to hurt her.

Still, there were new pockets of darkness to adjust to. Incessant memories that cast shadows on the walls and around the corners of her new home plagued her. Things she had little control over; the past, the scars. Her emotions.

Her thoughts wandered away in the darkness to her ex-fiance. Two men in her life; as wholly distinct from each other as winter and summer, stood on each side of her. One who she had willingly allowed into her heart; and one she feared she never could.

The thing was, she knew that Jim wouldn't hurt her, he was a good natured, kind man. She knew he wouldn't lay so much as a finger on her, would never subject her to the bouts of frenzied rage that had consumed Roy. Yet her fractured trust would not let her forget that Jim was a man and as a man he was physically stronger, like Roy, physically capable of domination and subjugation over someone like herself, someone who still didn't know how to fight back and hold her own. She didn't know how to draw a line down between the past with Roy and her future – whatever the future may be. She did not want to live with the ghost of Roy, to have their past dictate her future.

She was on her own. It was a new life – but could it ever be truly free? And what would happen when she was feeling perfectly fine and confident until she inevitably caught a glimpse of the ampersand shaped scar on her thigh while in the shower – the scar that Roy's unopened beer can had inflicted at full force from clear across the room, her penalty for walking in front of the TV during an Eagles game. Five years ahead, would she still wake up in a cold sweat in the early hours, unshakeably feeling that Roy was in the room? And then there was Jim – what if she couldn't separate affection and anger, a healthy relationship with violence? Would she even know the difference?

She settled under the covers – pink floral sheets she had selected specifically, Roy had been adamant that he would have neither pink nor anything even remotely 'feminine' in his house – and scooped up her cell. The phone rang and rang – as it had on the other three times she had made the same call. Resigning herself to yet again being unsuccessful, she was preparing to hang up when to her surprise – and delight – a soft, familiar 'hello' broke off the ring.

"Uh…. Hey, Halpert."

There was a pause. "Oh.. hey. How's it going?"

"It's going… sorry it's late… been trying to reach you since yesterday." Pam said, hoping her nerves didn't show in her voice.

"Longest game of phone tag in Scranton, I know." Jim laughed.

"So I.."

"So- Oh, I'm sorry, what?"

"No, um – I just really wanted to say hi." She mumbled.

"Well, hi then. So you got an apartment? Nice one, Beesly."

Pam smiled. "Yeah. It's… different. What's new with you?"

"Me? Oh uh, you know. I just caught Rosemary's baby on, most of it anyway."

"Hey! Me too!" she said energetically. "That movie is so scary!"

"I know, right. Probably not the best thing to watch in your new apartment, Beesly."

"Yeah I know that, now. Hey I told you about the weird guy who lives downstairs?" She settled back against her pillow.

"The old guy who doesn't wear a shirt, yep. Fancy neighbors, Beesly."

"He looks like that Dr, the one that Rosemary went to?"

Jim let out a puff of air. "Creepy. Maybe you're wrong about the Texas-CIA theory. Maybe it's some kind of cult thing. Oh, hey speaking of… my brother's having another baby."

"That's great. So you're going to be an uncle of three? Congratulations."

"Thanks."

Pam chuckled. "And a demon born baby makes you automatically remember your brother is reproducing again."

"A demon born baby makes me remember my brother is… " Jim laughed out loud. "Yep, gonna have to check his head when he's born for strange symbols."

There was a moment of silence before they both burst into laughter.

"Oh, hey, we've totally got a new guy at work. He's a lot like Michael. He's… you know what? I don't wanna ruin the surprise."

Pam's eyebrows went up. "Really? Oh!" She laughed.

Jim caught her up on all the office news, including a ball to ball description of Dwight and Andy's shameless attempts to outdo each other in getting into Michael's good graces above the other. Pam told Jim about her Dad's new interest in fitness, and the various equipment that had been turning up around her parents house.

"My mum told him just to go to the gym." Pam said, grinning. "Hey, Halpert? It's almost eleven fifteen."

"What?" he laughed. "Oops, guess we broke the rules on this one."

"We did." she agreed. "Well, I guess I'll see you in the morning." She said reluctantly. She was enjoying their easy banter, the falling back into their old patterns so naturally.

"Yes, I probably should go too. Don't go and oversleep on your first day back, Beesly."

She nodded silently, unsure where to go from there. She'd thought and thought about all the things she wanted to say to Jim when she finally got to speak to him again but once they were on the phone and their old rhythm of joking and playfulness had almost immediately reconnected it all went away from her – she was just happy to be hearing his voice again, to be feeling somewhat normal about life.

"Uh, yeah, Pam?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it okay to tell you that I missed you?"

Pam's smile grew bigger. "Only if it's okay for me to say that I missed you too."

"Yeah… I mean.." Jim said, a few moments later. "You know.. making my own breakfast sucks, and now I gotta find someone else to clean my toilets-"

"Shut up!" Pam said with mock outrage. Then she burst into peals of laughter that sounded right at home in her new apartment.

-TO-

Pam went in early. She had decided to set herself back up at her desk and get herself together before the others started coming in. She wanted to be prepared. She wanted to look prepared, together. It had occurred to her that she had absolutely no idea what her colleagues knew about her and the circumstances surrounding the months she had been away. She knew that Jim would not have told anyone anything. Toby, probably not either. Darryl, Ryan – they were witness to Roy's attack on Jim, as was Dwight.

Michael. Michael was the weak link – Michael who never meant to do anyone any harm – except Toby, of course – but invariably did through thoughtlessness or as a by product of some idea Michael got in his head about things, such as the incident with accidentally outing Oscar by trying to show him how supportive he was of him.

She no longer cared much what anyone knew about her breakup with Roy, but she had no clue about what she was in for. The people she worked with had absolutely no problem butting into each other's lives, asking questions and repeating rumors. They weren't often subtle people.

She didn't have long to wait. Nine o'clock came sooner than she would have liked. Not much had changed, she found. Angela, as always, was the first one to show up, followed closely by Dwight. Then Phyllis and Oscar made their way in, minutes apart. If things were still as they were before she went away, she knew who the stragglers would be; the last ones in. She could bet money on it – Ryan, Kevin and Meredith.

Pam was setting about cleaning her desk with disinfectant wipes when familiar footsteps came through the door. Smiling widely, she got to her feet.

"Beesly!" Jim said cheerfully, knocking on her desk. Pam walked round to the other side of her desk, stretching her arms out. Warm arms snaked about her, pulling her close. Her stomach fluttered, despite her anxiety that morning. Sinking into the warmth of Jim's chest, she breathed in deeply, appreciative of his gesture of support for her. They broke apart and both spoke at once, mindless of the others nearby.

"Get a room." Stanley drawled at them on his way past, eyebrows raised dismissively.

"You've got two arms again!" Jim noticed.

"Still a bit uncomfortable, but I can lift them both again. Doesn't really hurt anymore." She replied.

"Great! Good to see you. You doing okay? You look really good."

Pam felt her cheeks burn. "Uh.. thanks." she smiled shyly. "I'm good, really good. I think. Just getting used to everything."

Jim lifted up the small brown bag he was carrying, depositing it on the top of her desk. "You know what-" he began.

"Morning."

Pam looked up at the interruption, a pretty, dark haired woman. Pam stepped backwards as the woman sidled up close to Jim, immediately reaching up and ruffling his hair.

"Did we forget to comb this morning?" she teased. Pam looked at the two of them, a strange feeling creeping up inside of her. She turned about and righted herself behind her desk again.

"Hey, uh, Pam, this is Karen. She transferred from Stamford too."

Pam fixed a smile on her face – she had much experience with faking a smile – and welcomed Karen to Scranton, receiving a not so genuine smile in return.

"Hey. Nice sweater." Karen said, her tone aloof.

Jim pushed the brown bag towards Pam, a notable flush coloring his cheeks. Standing up again, she leaned forward with a surprised exclamation.

"Oh my god. You totally looked after it!" she said, lifting the cactus out of the bag.

 Jim shrugged. "I went to an expert."

"Your Mom?"

"My Mom." Jim laughed sheepishly. "She made sure I didn't kill it."

"Thank you." Pam said. Grateful tears swum up into her eyes, blurring her vision. Hurriedly she wiped them away with her sleeve and thanked Jim again.

"Um… I was wondering if…" she began nervously, forgetting the words she had rehearsed in her head that morning.

"Jim?" Karen called over. Pam noticed her desk was opposite Jim's. Then she wondered why Jim had only mentioned Andy as the new employee and not this Karen woman. Jim turned around.

"Coffee." Karen said, pointing at a mug steaming on his own desk.

"Oh, right. I have a client call to make. Commission, you know. It's really good to see you." he mumbled, and sat down at his own desk.

It was definitely both odd and familiar being back at her job. She felt as though she had been away for years, but at the same time, she felt like she had never left. Some things had changed, she found out. Ryan was promoted to the corporate job. Jan was gone, fired. And-

"Jim?" She half whispered at his back. He swung round on his chair, smiling. Pam made waved a hand at him, signalling him to come over.

"Was Kevin covering reception?" she said resignedly.

Jim grinned mischievously. "Define covering."

"Covering everything with sticky stuff?" she mumbled, scrubbing hard on the surface. Jim looked perplexed.

"Oh, right." he said, realization catching him. "It was a dare from Michael…. Donuts… Kevin… lotta donuts." he laughed, leaning over the desk. "Wow… Is that a donut?" he said pushing her mug to the side. Pam leaned forward too. Sighing, she yanked a tissue out of the box to remove the stale chunk of pastry from her desk.

"I.. uh…. Can we talk later?" she finally asked, not looking at Jim.

"Okay." he said amiably. "After work? I can drop you off home if you want."

Pam nodded, then shook her head. "Ah, no I don't… I mean yes." she sighed, frustrated. "I mean, yes after work, and no you don't need to drive me. I have a car."

Jim tapped the reception desk jauntily. "Well, alright Beesly. Really doing that whole independence thing. Apartment, car, cactus."

Pam shook her head. "I dunno. My dad bought me the car. He insisted I have one. So I guess I have a long way to go."

"Well. We'll catch up tonight, then." Jim said, and went back to his desk.

Pam scrubbed at her desk almost absentmindedly. If only she and Jim had not kept missing each other at the weekend – now she felt like she had to book an appointment with him at the end of the day. She didn't want to have her conversation with him in the office – or in either of their homes if she could avoid it. She had spent weeks mulling over what to say to Jim. She wanted everything to be right, without any bias or interruptions between them.

She looked up, feeling a chill. From across the room, icy cold brown eyes were narrowed in her direction. Pam looked back, hesitantly holding the stare. Karen narrowed her eyes even smaller, appearing more intimidating than arrogant. Noticing Jim sit up straight, the hostility on Karen's face snapped off quickly, her eyes widening flirtatiously. Pam could see her lips moving as she pushed forward, maneuvering herself towards Jim. Her hand came to rest on top of Jim's. Pam watched the small sly grin that played across the new employee's face as Jim did not immediately pull away. From her position behind Jim, she was could see the muscles in his back tightening, his body tensing up.

Slowly, he eased his hand out from under Karen's and dropped it limply to his side. Pam observed this curiously – surprisingly feeling a small pang of hurt. She didn't have to be a woman to know that this woman had a definite interest in Jim.

Life. Always life in the way, she thought miserably.

"Wham, bam, thank you Pam!" Michael chanted, strolling into the office.

No, things had not changed at all, she thought.