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Story Notes:

It started with a show. Nine seasons and the story of a couple that stayed in our minds even all these years later.

A teapot and yogurt lids. Fate written in the lines of stolen glances and forbidden touches. Whispered utterances of “You can tell me anything” and “I can’t” but never relenting to the confessions that set fire to the soul. Knowing there is only one thing, one unrelenting thing, that makes you give up on everything you ever knew. A story that has grown beyond the tangible, one that has been written about and spoken about and imagined in ways that only leave us yearning for more.

This thing between them was dangerous; it was flammable. An old favorite, discarded and forgotten but made new again. The night was young, but the party was over for her. Sparkling shards of memories that glisten and glitter, but only bring pain. A woman realizing that she had no choice but to go there that night, that if he had to see her bleed for him then so be it. A late night run, an empty seat at the bar, and a parking lot encounter. Fate winding through their lives, leading them to the inevitable moments where signs and choices collide at the frayed edges. The anger on each end of the line turning into hope that the other won’t remember in the morning. Crashing an art show in front of none of their stupid friends. How can she be enough for him if she tethers him in place? Is swaying really dancing when he’s doing it with her? His favorite part of the song has the parental advisory sticker over the top. Love that tasted like midnight and deep green, soft skin and home. Falling back together with you.

High heels hidden in the back of a closet, never worn. Soulmates. What happens when the only comfort you need is in the arms of someone who never wants to see you again?

Sometimes escaping from reality with playful costumes and teasing text messages can be as powerfully magnetic as two lovers taking years to see what’s right in front of them.

In quarantine our imaginations ran wild and this collaboration is the result; a collection of stories inspired by Taylor Swift and our need to put Jim and Pam into every possible scenario we could dream up. Creating these tales was our way of escaping into fantasy, what-ifs, and romance. We’ve told these stories with all the love, wonder, and whimsy they deserve. And with a good amount of smut, because we’re still us.

Now it’s up to you to enjoy them.

 

 

 

I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit/Been saying yes instead of no

He'd tried to change. Really, he had. He’d moved to a new city, a new state, even. He’d tried some new things – tuna sandwiches instead of ham. Water instead of grape soda. Even tried being with someone new. But no matter how much he tried to change, he just kept seeing her everywhere.

He’d spent more time than was healthy in his empty apartment in Stamford just reliving every moment he’d had with her, right up until the very last one when his hands slipped away from hers. He’d spent the weekends drinking alone, watching old movies, and usually ending the evening jerking off while picturing her on top of him.

Karen...yeah, he’d tried. She was gorgeous and smart and funny, and she didn’t hesitate to tell him what she was thinking. That was a nice change. But when the announcement came that Stamford was closing, and she had the choice of Scranton or corporate...well. Jim knew she would have picked Scranton if he asked her, but he didn’t ask. And she wanted corporate more than she wanted a lukewarm boyfriend.

So now he was back in Scranton alone, seeing Pam every single day, and fuck, it hurt even more than it had before.

He’d figured that she must be doing her own thing now. Since she hadn’t called him when she cancelled her wedding. Like, if she’d done that because of him…well, she hadn’t filled him in on that fact. Radio silence.

And if you wanted me, you really should have showed

He hoped she was happy. Nope, that was bullshit. He hoped she was pining away for him, and thinking about what might have been. He hoped Kelly had talked her into trying online dating and she was realizing just how many assholes were out there, and good she could have had it with him.

No, that wasn’t true. He really did hope she was happy. Even though things hadn’t ended the way he’d hoped, they’d had fun while it lasted. They’d been so good together. He only wished she’d seen that. He wished he’d been the one for her.

But it would have been fun, if you would’ve been the one

He’d given himself some firm rules before the first day back in the old office. Number one, no pranks. Or at least no pranks where Pam was his partner in crime.  Number two, no trying to read the signs she gave him. He’d misinterpreted before. He wasn’t planning to do that again. Number three, no conversations with her about why or what happened. That wasn’t closure, that was just digging up the past. He had to leave well enough alone this time.

He didn’t want to be cruel, but he had to protect himself somehow. If she wanted him, she would have shown him by now, somehow.

But when he’d walked into the office and she’d pretty much leaped into his arms - that was a test. The flash of reconnection with her body, her scent, that look in her eyes. Well. He’d been glad right then that he’d made those rules. He might need to add one more. No hugs, ever.

When she’d invited him for coffee, he’d hesitated. That look on her face, he thought it told him that things were different. Stop reading signs that aren’t there. Saying no had almost killed him, but he told himself that it was better this way. He spent the evening at his parent’s house, trying to pretend there was no other world outside their dining room.

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

He thought things might get easier as the days went by, but they got worse. She was so ready to talk to him, to go back to the way they were. One smile from him is all it would take to be there again. Resisting her was harder than he could have imagined. She was so different now, as if her engagement ring - now gone - had weighed her down. She seemed lighter. When he sneaked looks at her - God, he was only human - he could see that her face was brighter. Even her hair seemed happier.

He couldn’t help but try to put the pieces together. She’d called off her wedding but never called him. She was happy to see him now, but seemed content to just smile at him across the office. She seemed different - but what had really changed? The gremlin in his mind told him he should have said yes to coffee. He firmly reviewed the rules, and the gremlin slinked away.

She was different, but everything else was the same. Michael, Dwight, Kevin - none of them had changed. Nothing had changed. Jim had to change.  He felt like his survival depended on it. He couldn’t be the way he was before with her. He just knew how easy it would be to fall back into the friend zone. Because the friend zone wasn’t so bad. It was great, in fact. They had so much fun together. But friendship wasn’t all he wanted from her. And it seemed like that was all she wanted from him.

On Wednesday he started to think about getting a new job, something far away from Dunder Mifflin, where he didn't need rules just to exist.

On Thursday, Kelly stands in his old spot in front of her desk, and he clearly hears her say, “Pam, come on, when can I set you up with Ryan’s friend? He’s so cute, and funny. We could go out tonight!”

His stomach clenches as he practices his well-honed technique of watching Pam out of the corner of his eye. He sees her cut her eyes at him as she says to Kelly, “Not yet, ok? Maybe next time.”

Kelly, never the subtle one, looks directly at him for a long moment. She turns back to Pam’s desk, and a whispered conversation ensues. He can’t hear a word. Fuck. He pushes back his chair and flees to the breakroom, standing in front of the vending machine running his hand through his hair. What the hell is happening? What were they saying? Were they talking about him? He tries to review the rules but they won’t form in his mind.

For the rest of the afternoon, he can feel Pam’s eyes resting on him. It takes all he’s got to keep his own eyes on his desk. Looking at her won’t gain him anything. There is nothing there to see, he tells himself.

He stops at the liquor store on the way home for a six-pack, but at the last minute he adds a bottle of his old friend, Jack Daniels. He knows he shouldn’t get into bad habits, but he thinks he deserves a reward. Only one more day and he’ll have followed the rules for a whole week. He shakes his head and curses softly. This is what his life has become.

It’s later that evening, a lot later, when the bottle starts to give him some bad advice, telling him that he needs to clear the air with her. That he can’t go on like this, with these rules every day. It would be easier to just have one last talk with her, so he knows things are really over. The gremlin nods, smiling.

He picks up his phone and finds her number. It’s filed under “NEVER CALL THIS NUMBER”. He’d tried to delete it many times, but he could never press the button. He wonders if she has the same number, but his drunken mind can’t compute that much detail. He types quickly.

Jim: Pam?

A long wait, long enough that he’s forgotten he texted her, before the ping of his phone reminds him. The message reads, “Who is this?”

Shit. She didn’t know it was him. She’d deleted his number from her phone. The fog in his head cleared a bit. This was a sign he should stop. Put her out of his mind. Don’t start this up again. Just as he was putting the phone down, it chirped again.

NEVER CALL THIS NUMBER: Jim? Is that you?

He stared at the message. There was a deeper meaning here, the fact that she’d figured out it was him. He shook his head, wishing he was just a little more sober.

Jim: Yeah, it’s me.

NEVER CALL THIS NUMBER: Are you ok?

Jim: I’m ok. How are you?

NEVER CALL THIS NUMBER: I’m fine. It’s pretty late…?

He squinted at the time on his phone. 12:36 am. Shit, it was late. How did it get so late?

Jim: Sorry, I didn’t know what time it was.

He couldn’t keep texting her without seeing her name. His clumsy fingers managed to change the listing in his phone.

Pam: That’s ok. I’m just surprised to hear from you.

Jim: I was just sitting here thinking about us.

He’d meant to be cool and just chat with her a little. But as soon as he hit send and realized what he’d written, he cursed to himself.

“Ugh,” he muttered, letting his head fall back against the sofa. What was he doing? When the phone buzzed again he was reviewing the rules and adding a new one, “Hide phone when drinking”.

Pam: What about us?

He stared at her message. She hadn’t said, ‘there is no us’ or ‘screw off, I’m busy here with my new boyfriend.’ Did that mean she thought they were an ‘us’?

He closed his eyes to think it through, and started to drift off to sleep. The phone buzzed against his leg and he jerked awake.

Pam: Jim, don’t you dare leave me hanging with that. What are you thinking about us?

He stood up quickly and walked to the kitchen to pour a big glass of water. He needed to think straight. He rubbed his face with his hands, and then he heard his phone actually ring.

“Shit.”

He tripped over a blanket on the floor and fell onto the sofa, grabbing the phone in time to see ‘Pam’ flashing as the caller. A sight he’d been waiting on for months now. He clicked Answer.

“Jim? What the fuck? How dare you text me that and then not answer?” Pam’s angry voice came at him and he sat up straight. He was certainly awake now.

“Jim? Don’t you dare go silent.”

“Hey, sorry, I’m here,” he said, trying not to slur.

“Are you drunk?”

“No...why do you think I’m drunk?”

“Because I can hear that you’re drunk. What did you mean, you’re thinking about us?”

“I...just that. I was thinking about us, and what it used to be like.”

“Oh,” she replied in a slightly softer voice. “You mean, before?”

“Yeah...before.”

“I think about that a lot too.”

“You do?” Jim was surprised.

“Yeah, of course. It was...we were good together.”

I persist and resist the temptation to ask you/if one thing had been different/would everything be different, today?

“How come you never called me?” Jim asked. He heard her surprised intake of breath, and it was a few moments before she spoke.

“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me.”

Jim nodded, forgetting that she couldn’t see him.

“Jim?”

“Yeah?” He was lying on the sofa, eyes closed, imagining her on the other end of the line.

“You never called me either. What made you call me tonight?”

“I just…” he started. He sat up and found his glass, still holding two fingers of whiskey. He swallowed it as quietly as possible and felt the burn all the way down his throat. His thoughts softened a bit more.

“I just, I wanted to know...what could I have done different?”

“Oh Jim,” she started and he heard her sigh. After what seemed like a long time, she said, “You were perfect. There was nothing for you to do different. Not a single thing.”

“Then why didn’t you call me?”

He heard her giggle softly, and then she said, “That’s the big question tonight isn’t it?”

“Pam, don’t fuck with me,” his voice was harsher than he intended. He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “I’m sorry. I just...I can’t.”

He listened to her breathe for a full minute before she answered.

“Jim, it was me. I didn’t think I was ready to change. And then you left and I didn’t have a choice. And I didn’t call you because I’m an idiot. And now everything is ruined.” He heard a quiet sob and it broke his heart.

“Pam...hey, don’t. Don’t cry.”

He heard her sniffle, and despite all his rules and against everything he’d tried to teach himself for the past many months, all he wanted to do was hold her.

“It’s late. Can we talk tomorrow?” she said quietly.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Sleep tight.”

“You too,” she answered. “Oh, and Jim?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad you called.”

Jim set the phone down on the table and stared at his empty glass for a long time.

______________________________

I guess you never know, never know/and it’s another day waking up alone

He woke up alone in his bed the next morning with no memory of how he got there. With his head pounding, he was out of the shower and toweling off when he remembered the call the night before. The whole thing came back to him in one crystal-clear piece. “Fuuuuuck,” he moaned, his voice echoing in the bathroom. So much for the rules.

Pam’s smile at work was different. Softer. They spoke...about nothing, but it felt like everything. She asked how he was feeling, and he answered truthfully, “Like shit,” but with a smile.

The day passed without a chance to talk to her,  and he wondered if he was going to have to make all the moves. He felt like he was in limbo. He didn’t know how to be anymore. Late afternoon, his phone buzzed with a text.

Pam: 140 Lilac Avenue.

Jim: ?????

Pam: My address. Come to my house tonight. We’ll have pizza. And talk?

He looked up and she was staring at him, fear sitting behind the question in her eyes. He nodded. She gave a tiny smile and his heart raced. The rules were gone. He was in uncharted waters.

________________________________________________________________________________

He rang her doorbell, a bottle of wine in his hand and his heart in his throat. He’d never been alone with her like this. She opened the door...his eyes skittered nervously over her body. She was wearing some kind of clingy sweater, snug jeans, her hair loose around her face. It was longer than he remembered.

She led him into her tiny kitchen, talking in a way that told him she was nervous. When she poured the wine, her hands were shaking. He saw a glass by the sink with a few drops of wine sitting in the bottom. She’d already had some liquid courage.

He interrupted her nervous stream of words, saying her name. “Pam”.

In my defense I have none/for digging up the grave another time

Her hands stilled, and she looked at him. Her eyes were deep pools,  showing fear and hope in equal measures.

He didn’t realize he was staring until she spoke. “Jim?”

“Pam,” he said again, his voice low. “I know we need to talk, but…”

He didn’t know what was guiding him toward her, but he kept his eyes on hers as he moved around the tiny kitchen. When he reached out and gently slid his hands up her arms to her shoulders, the look in her eyes was all hope. And desire. He knew it. There was no misinterpreting. Still…

He bent his head toward hers, and brought his lips almost to hers before whispering, “Is this ok?”

Her response was to rise up on her tiptoes and wind her hands around his neck, her mouth covering his. His arms slid all the way around her body - she was so tiny - and he gave himself over to the kiss.

When he’d kissed her in the office that night months ago, he’d been cautious. Tentative. Now he followed her lead, and she was anything but tentative. With each slow breath, she deepened the kiss, and when he felt the tip of her tongue touching his, he moaned. His brain wasn’t involved with his actions when his hands moved down her back to her hips and pulled her body against him. She made a small sound when their bodies met, and he slid his hands over the back pockets of her jeans, moulding her body to his. He knew she could feel how hard he was - he wanted her to feel him against her. He wanted her to know exactly what she did to him, how she made him feel. He wanted to make it clear to her - there was no going back. They weren’t just friends anymore.

He didn’t know how long the kiss had lasted when she pulled back slowly and opened her eyes. Her hands had become entangled in his hair and her fingers were still stroking there. “Jim? Are you ok?” she whispered.

He didn’t trust himself to answer, so he nodded, his mouth still slightly open, his breathing heavy.

“Good,” she whispered, smiling and biting her lip. That little action of hers was always his undoing. How many times had she done that in the office and he’d had to go outside to cool off?

“Oh God, Pam,” he muttered, his hands moving to lift her to sit on the counter. He stepped between her knees and she was right there, her arms around him. His lips found the soft skin of her throat, nuzzling and sucking, feeling her moan and move against him, her hands roaming his shoulders and back. He could feel her nails through his shirt. He thought he might explode, and this was just kissing. He’d been right to have those rules. This thing between them was dangerous, flammable.

She pulled back and he looked at her through glazed eyes. She reached around and pulled her sweater off over her head and threw it behind her, and Jim thought he might black out. All he could see was a lace bra, and her breasts, oh God.

“Jesus,” he muttered. “Can I…?” he asked, because he didn’t know, he’d never imagined this actually happening. She nodded and breathed, “Yes...please”,  and he slowly leaned in and traced the creamy curves with his tongue, first one, then the other. He looked at her for permission to go further, but her head was tipped back, her lips parted and her breath coming in pants. He slid the straps off her shoulders and pushed the cups away.  She was...it was like his fantasies, but so much more. “Pam,” he murmured. She opened her eyes and he was almost swept away by the look he saw there. “You are so beautiful.” She smiled, an almost shy smile. She must have seen a question in his eyes because she leaned forward and pulled his head to her.

She was sensitive, he quickly learned. As soon as his mouth closed around her nipple she moaned and clutched his shoulders. He brought his hand to the other breast, finding the hard nub and stroking with his thumb and finger. She groaned, “Jim...Oh God, Jim, don’t stop.” He smiled against her heated skin and let his mouth and his fingers change places.  His tongue circled the pink peak before his lips sucked gently. She moaned again and dug her nails into his shoulders. He thought he might lose his mind, hearing her respond like this. His cock pressed painfully against his jeans. He brought both hands to her breasts, cupping and stroking the soft skin. His lips to her ear, he whispered, “Is it always like this, for you?”

“No,” she panted, “No, it’s never been like this. You…” she didn’t finish the sentence because his fingers had found her nipples again. He couldn’t get enough of her.

“Take it...take it off,” she murmured impatiently. He reached behind her and managed to unhook the bra, letting it drop to the floor.

“Should we…?” he asked tentatively. He didn’t know what he was asking. Should they go to the bedroom? Should they order a pizza? As always, she was in control.

“Yes,” she said firmly, sliding off the counter. She took his hand and turned as if to lead him somewhere but he stayed rooted in place. “Pam?” he said tentatively. He couldn't believe he was stopping like this. Just follow her, the voice in his head told him. But he couldn’t. He had to know. It was a matter of life or death, because if this meant less to her than it did to him, he thought he’d probably die.

She turned, and he sucked in a breath at the sight, her hair loose and flowing over her bare breasts. She was frowning slightly.

“Pam...I just...I need to know…” he fastened his eyes firmly on hers. “I need to know what this means.”

The frown disappeared and she smiled a little, and then stepped close to him. “Jim,” she said quietly, gently reaching up to push back a piece of his hair, “I’m in love with you.” She bit her lip nervously, “And...I’m hoping you’re still in love with me.”

He nodded and swallowed hard. “Good,” he said. “I mean...I am. I’m still in love with you.”

She smiled, “Good. Now stop stalling.” She turned away and led him to the bedroom.

His head was spinning at the words she’d just said, and his eyes registered only the bed, although he realized later that there was a lamp glowing in the corner. She tugged at his shirt and he pulled it over his head in one motion, throwing it to the side and hearing her giggle at his eagerness. He felt goosebumps come up on his arms when she ran her hands up his bare chest and over his shoulders. “Mmmm,” she murmured before she pulled his head to hers for another kiss. Any reserve that either of them had felt before was gone, and their tongues met and danced. He ran his hands over her bare back and up into her hair. He needed to devour every inch of her.

In a haze of kissing and soft skin, he felt her hands move to his belt buckle, and then lower to stroke him through his jeans. He growled low in his throat, surprising both of them. He didn’t think he’d ever made that sound before, but feeling her hands on him was like nothing else. “Pam...don’t...please...more,” he stammered, not even knowing what he was asking, only knowing what he wanted.

Her fingers were quick, and his knees went weak as her warm hand slid into his boxers and stroked him firmly from base to tip. She smiled a sultry smile at him and said, “I’ve been wanting to touch you for so long.” He shook his head in disbelief and closed his eyes, so he missed the moment when she  dropped to her knees. When he felt her mouth close over him, his eyes flew open and he looked down to see her lips wrapped around his cock.  “Jesus, Pam…” he muttered through gritted teeth. He knew he couldn’t let her do this too long or everything would end before it started, but feeling her hot mouth moving up and down while her hand followed...there was no way he could stop her. The sensation went on and on, her mouth moving up and down, her fingers stroking. When she swirled her tongue over the tip and slid her hand down to cup his balls, his hips jerked of their own accord. “Pam...you gotta...it feels so good, but you gotta stop. I can’t…” She let him go with a delicious, wet pop, and stood, her hands going to her own zipper. He stood there, not able to take his eyes off her as she stepped out of her jeans. She looked adorably shy for a moment. He moved toward her and slid his thumbs into the sides of her panties, sliding them down her legs. He’d been dreaming of this moment for so long, and she was so perfect. “You’re perfect,” he whispered.

He pulled her to lie down on the bed and he slid beside her, his lips finding hers for a kiss that was deeper and wilder than any before.  His hand roamed over her body, cupping and squeezing her breasts - he knew he’d never get tired of hearing her gasp when his fingers grazed her nipples. When he reached lower, he felt her move her legs apart and his fingers sank into wet heat. She moaned when his thumb brushed her clit, and he circled back, loving the sounds she made and the way her body arched off the bed toward him. Part of him was in disbelief that any of this was happening, and he opened his eyes to feast on the sight of her beside him. Part of him - the part that was pushing insistently against her thigh - wanted to slide between her legs and fuck her senseless. But he’d dreamed of this for so long, there was so much more he wanted to do with her.

He brought his lips to her ear and whispered, “I want to taste you.” He was about to move down between her legs when she moved instead, and before he knew what was happening, her knees were resting above his shoulders, and her pussy was in front of his lips. He was more than surprised - he’d always somehow imagined that she would be shy in bed. His mind started to wander to what she must have been like with Roy, but he shut that shit down. She was here with him now.

For so long he’d been imagining how she would taste. As soon as his tongue touched her, she whimpered, and then he stopped thinking. His mouth moved in response to the sounds she made, licking and sucking, doing figure 8s around her clit with his tongue. He reached up blindly and pinched her nipples and when she screamed a little he laughed softly against her. “I hope the walls are thick,” he murmured. “They aren’t,” she answered with a wicked smile, “I’ve had to listen to the girl next door with her boyfriend all summer. Keep going.”

He obeyed, happily. He could do this all night. He spread her more open with his fingers and lapped up every drop of her juices. When her cries of pleasure told him that she was close, he sucked her clit while she clutched the bedframe and rocked against his mouth. She slowly slid back beside him on the bed, and ran her hands down his body. His cock was aching for release and she urged him on top of her. Their eyes met and held, and she slid her hands down to his hips. “Please...Jim...now.”

He slid into her slowly, moaning deep in his throat at the feel of her tight wetness around him. He pushed himself up on his hands and watched her as he pulled almost all the way out and then slid deep again, setting a slow pace. She bucked her hips to meet him, moving her body against his and running her nails up and down his back. He reached between them and stroked her again. He wanted to feel her come around him. It was only a few moments before she arched her back and cried out, and he felt her walls tighten around him. “Oh God, Pam, I’m gonna…” his last words turned into a loud groan as he buried himself deep and shuddered against her.

His whole body was shaking, and he lowered himself down on top of her, being careful not to crush her but not wanting to move away, not even wanting to slip out of her just yet. Even though she’d said she’d loved him too...what if this was it? What if he only had one chance to feel this with her?

She reached up and stroked his cheek. “What’s with the frown Halpert?” she said in a quiet, teasing voice.

“I just...wow...Pam...I never thought. I’d given up on this,” he admitted.

Now Pam frowned at him. “I’m so sorry. I was so...wrong. You were always the one.”

But it would have been fun if you would have been the one

Chapter End Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. All songs used belong to Taylor Swift and Taylor Swift only. We're just lucky she lets us listen to them.

Our gorgeous cover was created by boredhswf and Ava. 

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