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Author's Chapter Notes:
As I'm sure many of you are aware, the Netflix show about Jeffrey Dahmer stars Evan Peters, aka Dunder Mifflin intern/Michael Scott nephew Luke Cooper. We were discussing that in Discord, and things got out of hand, and this happened. (For those there for the original, it's been expanded and improved, and thank you for your encouragement as always. You da real MVP.)

Please don't think too hard about the timeline. It's AU, which from what I understand means it doesn't *have* to make sense. The point is, it's a Halloween fic.

We open on JIM, doing a talking head from HIS DESK. He wears his standard smirk, but under it he’s unsettled and trying to cover.

JIM (faux casual):
So, do you all remember Michael’s nephew?

We cut to a clip of MICHAEL spanking LUKE and LUKE running out of the office in tears, then return to THE FRONT DESK CLUMP.

JIM (leans in a bit):                                                                                         
Did you ever wonder how he turned out?

JIM uses a finger to turn his computer screen to the camera, revealing the Philadelphia Inquirer’s website… featuring LUKE’s picture! Or, rather, LUKE’s mug shot, with creepy glasses and an inappropriate half-smile, below a blaring headline: “POLICE RECOVER THREE MORE BODIES FROM STRANGLER SUSPECT’S APARTMENT.”

The camera pivots slightly back to JIM, who nods a bit. He’s just *thrilled* his beloved wife spent time around this guy, yessiree.

We cut to the CONFERENCE ROOM.

PHYLLIS (in talking head with her back to the office):
Normally when these things happen, you get all these interviews with neighbors and co-workers about how he was such a nice kid, they never imagined he was capable of this. (beat) Haven’t seen any of those yet. (She raises her eyebrows at us, as if to say ‘QED.’)

DARRYL (in talking head with his back to the parking lot):
Kid did a daily coffee run. Every time, he got me decaf. Never showed a bit of remorse. If you’re capable of that… you’re capable of anything.

We cut to the closed door of the women’s bathroom.

KELLY (speaking from behind the door, we will hear various shuffling and rumpling noises throughout her talking head and her voice will be briefly muffled once or twice):
It’s just hard! Because I can’t tell the media *so* much that people go, well, why didn’t you call the cops? But I have to be *interesting* enough they put me in the TV movie. I haven’t figured it out yet. (The door opens to reveal KELLY in designer clothes, hair and makeup to match, camera ready. Various discarded pieces of rejected outfit options are scattered on the floor behind her, and there is a full arsenal of makeup and accessories spread out on the sink.) So instead I’m focused on being hot enough they ask me to play myself. (She shakes out her hair and strikes a pose, blue steel eyes and all.) What do you think?

We return to the parking lot window-side of the CONFERENCE ROOM, where we join PAM and ANGELA.

ANGELA (very proud of herself):
I knew it!

PAM (proud of *her*self and annoyed at ANGELA):
*I* knew it!

ANGELA:
When we were doing our pregnancy walks, we would see him lurking around the building. Walking by the entrance to the parking lot, getting a sandwich from that place across the street… (PAM is clearly restraining herself from jumping in.) One time, he just appeared out of nowhere, came right out of the bushes! And he thought no one would notice, just because he was wearing a t-shirt for a landscaping company?

PAM (okay, I feel like we’re losing them here):
It was actually pretty weird how much he popped up at a place he was fired from.

ANGELA:
So I told Pam, “I would not be surprised if he turns out to be the Scranton Strangler.” And *Pam* laughed at me.

PAM (firmly):
No, *I* said, jokingly, “maybe he’s the Scranton Strangler,” and you said (PAM adopts a precise, snide ANGELA voice) “Pam, that is a vile accusation to make without evidence, and extremely disrespectful to all the victims, as well as the brave and decent law enforcement officers and their volunteers who are working day and night to track him down.”

ANGELA:
Well. I guess we just remember this… differently. (As in ANGELA remembers it right and PAM doesn’t.)

PAM:
I guess we do, Angela. (The way she says “ANGELA” sounds an awful lot like she has another noun in mind.)

They glare at each other.

We cut to DWIGHT’S CAFFEINE CORNER, for a talking head with OSCAR and KEVIN.

OSCAR (with KEVIN initially nodding along like he has the slightest clue what OSCAR is talking about):
Luke claimed to be this big film lover, but he once told me he fell asleep halfway through Rashomon. *Rashomon.* He should’ve been locked up for that alone.

KEVIN (surprised confusion):
And… the murders.

OSCAR (a little embarrassed):
Yes, and of course also the murders, Kevin.

We cut to DWIGHT’S BUSINESS OFFICE.

DWIGHT (looking regretful):
I was very busy solidifying control over the Scranton Business Park that summer. *Very* busy. (sighs) I just… can’t believe I didn’t pick up on anything. That was the closest I’ve ever been to a real murderer. (beat) Unless you count Grandpa Mannheim.

We cut to GABE’S DESK in Tallahassee.

GABE (extremely cheerful):
This is really a dream come true. (He holds up a relatively standard looking Sabre form.) The signature of one of the worst serial killers of the 21st century! Certified original memorabilia, right from the source himself! The guys at the serial killers subreddit go nuts over stuff like this. (He sets it down, looking a bit annoyed.) Well, they’re gonna miss out. Guess you shouldn’t have banned me, mods! (Harumph.) What qualifies as “glorifying” serial killers, anyways. Totally subjective.

We jump to THE ANNEX, where TOBY is reading some of the coverage.

TOBY:
They’re really convinced he’s the Scranton Strangler. Huh. (looks thoughtful) Huh.

We return to the CONFERENCE ROOM.

ANDY:
Looking back on it, the time he tried to blind me with a laser pointer feels like a red flag. (beat) And I guess it was a little weird that he wanted me to come over and watch Eyes Wide Shut with him. (beat, then fear as he realizes…) And that he showed up at my apartment and said he was just delivering a package to someone with a similar address…

We cut to a laptop in the conference room, where MICHAEL appears on video chat. He looks pensive, and is in the early stages of growing an unkempt grief beard.

MICHAEL:
Obviously, this is a terrible time for our whole family. You keep wondering how you missed this, if there’s anything you could’ve done differently. (beat) I mean, I lost him in that forest for a *long* time.

Chapter End Notes:
So we all agree that Jenna and Angela should make a "Mom Detectives" podcast once they're through all the episodes, right?

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