As Pam exits her car, she inhales the October Pennsylvanian air. She squints toward the apartment complex she once called home for three years and realizes that she's truly happy now. For some time after calling off the wedding, just driving down this street caused her to grip the steering wheel a little tighter. But a lot has changed since then.
She climbs the steps up to the second floor and stops in front of the third door on the left. She knocks softly and a few seconds pass before the bolt clicks and the door opens.
"Hey!"
She gives a small wave. "Hi, Roy."
He holds out his arms and she gives him a quick, only slightly awkward hug.
"It's good to see you," Roy says as they break apart. "You look good."
"Thank you, so do you."
And he does. He's lost weight, gotten sun, and grown a beard that suits him, quite frankly. And much to her relief, he seems happy.
"Come on in," he gestures. "The stuff is in the kitchen."
She follows behind him, looking around the apartment they once shared. After they broke up, Pam insisted he stay there and she move out. (She didn't think she would have liked to be there anyway.) It looks mostly the same now, surprisingly clean, a bigger TV. But oddly, she feels extremely detached from it. Only five months have passed, but she feels like a completely different person now.
After the breakup, Roy spiraled a bit. There was the DUI and then he got fired for not showing up for an entire week. Pam avoided him as much as she could while figuring out the apartment, the canceled wedding, and everything that came with it. About a month after that, he called her one night and apologized. Not just for his behavior after they broke up, but for everything he did (or failed to do) while they were together. The conversation ended well and for the first time, she finally felt a sense of freedom from it all.
Jim was everything she needed. He gave her space when she required it and held her close when she fell apart. They mutually decided, for several reasons, to keep their relationship quiet for a while. Quite honestly, Pam very much enjoyed that aspect. She got to keep him to herself and they were able to grow even closer. They rarely spent a night apart and while it was hard to keep eyes and hands off each other at work, it added to the fun.
Until, that is, they got caught holding hands in the parking lot by the camera crew and decided to finally let the cat out of the bag just a few weeks ago. Then yesterday, Pam got a text out of the blue from Roy--the first time they had spoken since his apologetic phone call a few months prior--telling her he had found some old sketchbooks while cleaning out a closet. Which is now why she was in her old kitchen with her ex-fiance.
"Here they are," Roy says as he picks up a stack of dusty notepads and hands them to her.
She takes them and thanks him.
"They're really good," Roy says, gesturing to the sketchbooks. "I guess I never really…" His statement dies in the air as he shoves his hands in his pockets.
"Thank you," she says sincerely. "Actually, I'm going to apply to art school next semester."
Roy's face lights up. "Really? That's awesome, Pammy...er, Pam. You'll do great."
There's a short silence before he asks if she wants to stay for a minute. She hesitates briefly but finally tells him she probably has a little time. He grabs two sodas from the fridge, explaining he's trying not to drink on the weekdays anymore so Coke is the best he can do.
The two sit in a quiet moment after popping open their cans and taking a drink. Roy sets his Coke down and begins picking at the tab on top of the lid, noticeably not making eye contact.
"So," he finally says. "You and Halpert, huh?"
She nearly chokes on her drink.
Roy looks at her and gives a half-smile. "I still play poker every Friday with Darryl."
Pam doesn't really know what to say to him. "Yeah," is about all she can muster. She desperately tries to shoo away the urge to apologize for something.
Roy nods, but thankfully he doesn't look upset. "Makes sense. You two always seemed to get along really well. Guess I should have seen it coming."
"Roy…" Pam started, before he stopped her.
"I'm okay, Pam. I took it hard at first when you called off the wedding but I'm okay now. I think you were right. We just kind of...outgrew each other. Or you outgrew me. I guess I was kind of a shitty fiance."
Pam, still quite speechless, looked down at her soda can. After a beat of silence, she shrugged. "It wasn't all bad."
Roy smiles. "No, it wasn't." He clears his throat. "He treat you well?"
Jim's face flashes into Pam's mind and she can't help but smile. "Yeah," she says. "Yeah, he does."
Roy nods, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. "Good."
They eventually move on and engage in some more small talk, catch up on family and jobs, then Pam tells him she should probably head out. Roy walks behind her as she heads to the door.
Something stirs in her brain, as memories swirl about this apartment and her time with Roy. She had been honest when she said it wasn't all bad. It just was a square peg in a round hole situation, and they had both gotten comfortable with the way they had haphazardly tried to wedge themselves together over the years as they grew older and the edges sharpened.
She grabs the door handle and pauses, turning to face him.
"You're going to find someone," she says quickly, but sincerely. "Someone who is better for you than I was."
She thinks of Jim and their last few months together. The way he fills the cracks and crevices that had so long felt empty and void of anything good. The way he makes her laugh so hard she can't breathe. The way he knows when to fix a problem and when to just listen. The safety, the comfort, the love.
Pam continues. "She'll make you happier than I ever could have. And she'll make you want to be better and do better. Fill the gaps I couldn't. We weren't right for each other, but," she nods, "you'll find someone who is."
Roy puts his hands in his pockets and looks at his shoes briefly before looking up to her.
"Thanks," he says quietly. "Sorry I couldn't be that for you."
"I know," she says quietly with a sad smile. "Bye, Roy."
"Bye, Pam."
Once at her car, she puts her sketchbooks in the front seat and checks her phone to see a text from Jim.
Got Chinese food for when you get here. Already put all my broccoli in yours and took your green beans. Hope it went well. Love you!
She beams at the message, feeling more peace and assurity than she ever has. She bites her bottom lip through a smile and chuckles as she realizes that a simple text message about Chinese takeout can further cement the decision she made in the office that night in May.
She replies to him, letting him know she's on her way. Putting the car in drive, and with an immense feeling of closure, she heads toward the single best choice she has ever made.
Chapter End Notes:
Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this little story! It definitely took me longer to complete than I planned, but I hope you enjoyed it!
WanderingWatchtower is the author of 23 other stories.
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