The care ride home was nothing short of awkward. They both hated fighting or confronting. They liked making jokes, playing pranks ,loving each other and lately, ignoring that there is something wrong. For some reason, none seems to appeal at the moment and both are dreading what it's going to be once they are home.
The last time they had a fight, it was over the phone and they both didn’t speak for another 3 hours. It was Pam who called Jim later at night, only to hand over the phone to Cece to bid goodnight to Jim. Call was cut short because Jim had another call in waiting and he never got around talking to babbling Phillip and...miserable Pam. Next morning, he was the one who called, sticking to usual topics, what time he will be taking the bus to get home (he chose to take a later one), if the kids are doing okay and asking Pam not to stay up. While Pam responded gently, feeling the tightness in her voice - she will keep his dinner in the fridge if he would be hungry then, kids are good and ready for daycare and she’ll see him tomorrow then. They never broached the conversation from the night before, didn’t talk all day at work. It was later in the day, when she texted him, missing him terribly. Instead of writing just that, she messaged him about her bagging the opportunity to paint the Mural for the city. It was an hour later that Jim called, explaining he was in the meeting and how proud he is of her. He promised a celebratory family dinner for evening the next day. His excitement broke the dense fog between them and they were back to being themselves. Joking, pranking, loving and….pretending Jim and Pam.
Pam didn’t talk the whole ride, twisting her fingers in her lap. Jim too felt terrified of breaking the silence, contemplating in his head what could he say, or better, what is she going to say? It was Pam’s mom's call when he heard her talking softly to her mom, thanking her for keeping the kids , before putting the phone on speaker. As if on cue, both of them told their kids to be nice and they miss them, and love them. She promised to call again an hour before their bedtime while Jim parked the car in front of their house. Jim was having a hard time dealing with the silence. For him, it was becoming physically painful to be near her yet far. To hear her voice but not talk. Sneaking a sideways glance at her showed she was no different.
She looked uncomfortable, but gave him a forced smile and got out of the car, carrying the present he gave her. Jim too got out, following her, scrambling for ideas to get this strangeness away. He opened his mouth but she beat him to it “I’ll order the take out, how about Italian?’ and you could get the wine ready.
Jim broke into a smile, dinner and wine. That feels normal, he can do this. They can do this. He agreed readily and asked her to change while he’ll find if they have got something for dessert. She said she’ll be back in a few minutes, taking the framed sketch to her bedroom, hoping to find a good spot there.
He knew that “the fight” will be coming soon but he was hopeful. Pam and wine are a great combination for any conversation, he felt the relief, he knew he could survive. He felt a little selfish for planning to get his wife drunk to avoid the argument, but he was tired and he didn’t want to hurt her or them. Fighting was not his way of resolving but moving on was.
Pam was halfway in her unbuttoning when she remembered her present for him. It was the lacy red and black lingeries she was wearing. She wore it in the morning under her work clothes, planning to reveal this little secret to him sometime during lunch. To tease him all day before they could be home and he could see the article of his torture, as he would call it. She thought back, how the day had turned around. From seducing to agonizing. She didn’t want to fight anymore.. They don’t have to talk. Maybe they are just out of sync like they used to, years ago when they started dating.Maybe they could kiss and make up and all this will be gone, like it used to. With the renewed feeling, to make this Valentines work, she walked back to the top of the stairs, ready to ascend down and show Jim his present, only to see his back turned, holding a phone, talking to Isaac, his Philly colleague. The candle and roses resting on the side of the table while Wine was still laying unpacked.
Pam walked back to their bedroom hurriedly, willing the tears not to spill. She rubbed her face couple of times, before pouring a glass of wine from the bottle, hiding in her cupboard on the top shelf. She took a full swing before pouring another and tried to calm her heavy breathing. She put music on to drown Jim’s voice - all excited and passionate, talking to someone else. She thought back to the day Nellie suggested that Jim is having an affair. She remembered how ludicrous the thought sounded to her ears. She explained to her later on that she knows her husband too well. He is practically incapable of paying attention to anything other than her and their kids when they are around him. They were his priority at all times. He left this branch, came back and left a high paying corporate job, all for her. This guy who bought a ring, after 1 week of dating and a house 1 after just an year of being together because that’s all he ever cared about. It was Pam, Cece and the baby Phillip, quite literally in that order. She looked up to the written proof of it hanging on the wall in his handwriting. It’s been what...a year to that and look at them. Since Atleads started, she is seeing another Jim. Jim who is always stressed about the work and meetings he has at his new job to talk to her about her day than the playful Jim at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, who would be at her desk 15 times a day just to ask “whats up’.. This Jim misses Cece’s recital because “something important” came up and not the Jim who would not leave the room if Cece is awake, because what if she smiles for the first time and he misses it. This Jim, who comes home around midnight while she puts her two kids to bed alone and not the Jim who would spend hours and even after hours with their kids talking to them, telling them stories of their pranks on Dwight because “Pam this wisdom has to be imparted in them in their formative years, we can’t miss that window”. She was still lost in her reverie when Jim found her sitting at her dresser, facing away.
His call had ended just a couple minutes ago. There was still a lot to talk about but he had to apologise and hang up. He had asked his new co-workers to be home for Valentine’s and promised them to do an extra day next week to make up for today, and felt guilty for making them accommodate his “personal” business. This venture was really taking off and he didn’t want to miss any step in planning that. But the clock striked 7 and he realized it was time for dinner and took Isaac’s leave, promising to call him first thing in the morning. He was back at setting the table up when he realized it’s been an hour and Pam should have been out by now. Everything came back to him all together - Pam, their lunch with Brian, Her secret crying, him feeling angry and guilty, them deciding to stay and ..fight. Fearing the impending exchange, he made his way to their bedroom upstairs.
The faint noise of music and songs of her choice reassured him that she is perhaps in a better mood than he was anticipating. He walked slowly and stood at the doorway of their haven, staring at the view ahead of him.
Pam was leaning back in her chair, her legs crossed, skirt ridden up her mid thigh. She didn’t have her pink cardigan on, in fact her shirt was undone, albeit halfway. He could see the black lace peeking from the opening and her curves just above it. Her hair was loose, barrette discarded on the dresser, while her lips glistened with the wine she was drinking.
She was looking...beyond words he could form right now. He can’t believe how incredibly excited he was feeling right now, and he is still 10 feets away. How long has it been since they last…. Enticed each other like this. When was the last time they...just enjoyed each other’s company so intimately. With the crazy schedules and busy timetables and all the travelling, he doesn’t remember when was the last time in the past month and a half when he just kissed her senselessly, forget more. Watching her sitting like that, waiting FOR HIM, reminded him what he has been missing.
He felt warmth taking over his heart and his body when he said “Beesley, you really got the big guns out”.
