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Cut to RECEPTION. Later. DWIGHT is twisted into a pretzel trying to do paperwork against the wall. We note that the wall files have been emptied, the pencil sharpener is sitting by Pam, the printer has pushed further down the rear desk, and the coat rack is now on the far side of the couch… basically, anything DWIGHT could conceivably touch has been moved away. The phone rings.


DWIGHT (looks to PAM):
You gonna get that, or continuing losing a one-person game?

PAM (quietly seethes and picks up the phone):
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Please hold. (She presses a button.)

Nine on the ten, Pam. How can you not see that?


We cut to the CONFERENCE ROOM.


JIM (in talking head):
So Pam was having a lot of fun sharing space with Dwight. For about the first ten minutes.


JIM continues speaking in voiceover over PAM’s increasing aggravation with DWIGHT. He comments on her faxing style, to her thin-lipped annoyance (as directed to camera). He attempts to reorganize the wall files and she rushes over to pull them out of his hands. He swipes at her ineffectively as she moves everything in RECEPTION just out of his reach… except for the COAT RACK, which he manages to knock over to get her attention. JIM watches with a sympathetic wince while he makes a sales call.


JIM (in voiceover):
Turns out even years as a witness can’t prepare you for having Dwight as your deskmate.


We quickly check back in with JIM in the CONFERENCE ROOM, before returning to voiceover, as JIM walks up to DWIGHT, feels around in his pocket while DWIGHT tries to ward him off without dropping his paperwork, and grabs his keys. We then cut to a spy shot of the PARKING LOT from MICHAEL’S OFFICE and watch JIM unlock the TRANS AM and retrieve something from the passenger’s seat.


JIM (in voiceover):

Now, I’d been planning on spending the day stealing the rest of Dwight’s accessories, then maybe moving my finger slowly towards every item on his desk while he demanded I not touch anything. But I did some research, and it turns out there‘s no conjugal visits in the Pennsylvania prison system. So, for my sake…


JIM (settles down on the rear desk in RECEPTION with a book in hand):
All right, what do we have here?


You can’t do that!


“Decade of The Dead: The Zombie War, As Told By Those Who Lived It.” Neat. Shall we?


That is my personal private property.


JIM flips to where DWIGHT has a bookmark and begins to read.


JIM (in a cartoonishly Canadian accent):
“Growin’ ooop in a world where zoooombies are as real as donuts from Timmy Horton’s, it’s huurd to understand how we didn’t understand, eh? We were trackin’ one of them Daesh hosers across the wadi, followin’ the bloood trail. Then we came to the end of the trail, more blooood than the stands in a Leafs-Canadiens game. Noooo survivin’ that, soooory!”

Put that back right now!

JIM (with total buy-in):
Dammit, Dwight, you’re gonna give away our position to the zombies!


DWIGHT clams up, but looks deeply irritated and stares pointedly away from JIM as he continues to read. He’s also staring away from PAM, who shoots JIM a look of pure-spun sugar.

JIM (Canadian again):
“But somehow he had. Nowadays we’d know, fella, but back then? Jesus Murphy!”

We cut to a little while later. PAM is carrying her teapot back to RECEPTION, where we find JIM reading more calmly and less comically, and DWIGHT having given up on pretending to ignore him. PAM pours herself some tea and then happily returns to her FreeCell.


Cut to DWIGHT for a talking head:


This is not time theft. I am up to date with my paperwork, and Pam refuses to fetch my cell phone charger.


PAM (as the camera swings to her, we also see JIM in the background, sitting on PAM’s desk and eating his lunch with noticeable speed):
What did I say, Dwight?


DWIGHT (sullen):


PAM (CECE will have flashbacks watching this):
Did I say “touch one more file and no cell phone charger for the rest of the day”?

DWIGHT silently stews.

PAM (PHIL too):
Did I say “touch one more file and no cell phone charger for the rest of the day”?

DWIGHT (reluctantly):

And what did you do?


DWIGHT (defensive):
Look, your sorting system is COMPLETELY illogical.


That’s right, you touched another file.


Behind them, JIM finishes his lunch, picks up the book and settles back in with DWIGHT.


All right, you ready?

For the last 10 minutes! How long does it take you to eat a ham-and-cheese?


JIM (slams book shut):
You know, I just remembered I’ve got some sales calls to make…


DWIGHT (alarmed):
Wait! Please. (pleading) At least tell me what happens when the ocean-horde reaches Fort Lauderdale.


JIM teasingly considers… and opens the book back up, to DWIGHT’s clear relief.


JIM (soft Southern accent):
Our eyes couldn’t accept what we were seein’. It was like some kind of monsta outta Greek mytholg-eh, risin’ from the depths at the command of an angry Poseidon to punish us awl. The pay-nic started closest to the shore-layn. I lost my footin’ in the say-nd, and when my sista tried to help me the crowd rolled right on over us…


DWIGHT listens intently. ANGELA pokes her head over the partition and GLARES. This was *not* the plan.

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