“I mean, he’s great. He must be great. But… big.”
“Excuse me; I’m fine with my choices.” “You are?”
“Come on. I don’t wanna do that. I wanna be more than that.”
“Are you really gonna marry him?” “...Okay.”
I’ve tried, I have, to move on from you. I’ve moved away, distanced myself from you. I even distracted myself with this relationship once learning I was moving back.
But I always come back to you. Always.
My universe shifted once I heard you left him and called off your wedding. As hurt as I was, part of me was proud. And coming back to Scranton, I quietly began to see the person you became without him.
This strong, independent person you grew to be. This person who keeps the charade of our friendship alive, even through the ice I’ve thrown your way the past three months. As if nothing had ever changed…
Even now, watching you fall back into old habits. Watching you leave with him, yet again, as you exit this wedding reception with your hands wrapped around his arm.
Choosing him, yet again.
The man who has repeatedly taken your love, care, everything for granted; the man that you’ve always claimed would simply “misunderstand you sometimes.” You’ve just let him back into your life. Again.
I fight back the tears watching you go, anger swelling in the pit of my stomach, knowing you’ve chosen him a second time.
The man who blacks out and can’t remember how his day was, spends his nights out with friends. The man who, to this day, cannot remember the night he set your wedding date while you basked in the glory of his actual setting of a date. Who ridicules your interests and hobbies and deems them “silly” and not worth your time? Yet, he lacks any himself. Who constantly argues with you over money and gets under your skin over minor things, yet you are still blind to this?
Blind to how he treats you, he ignores your feelings for his own.
You open the door to him once more?
You are far from the same person, no closer to him than you were eight months ago when you called your wedding, engagement, and relationship off, as it seems. You’ve grown into a person who shouldn’t need him.
Yet, you’ve accepted his advances again.
You’re probably halfway home, with your hands intertwined while he drives. As he whispers the words that I can only dream of being able to use with you. Words you allow him to continue to use.
Let him take you to your apartment, past your door, and into your room. The sheer thought of it makes me feel sick. He’ll tell you all the right words, getting his way because he doesn’t want to be alone. And you, you’ll eat them all up.
Why? I wish I knew. I wish I knew what you see in him. I wish I could understand why you continue to go back to him.
And this game will never end. He’ll continue to play this charade: pretend to be what you want him to be and fall back onto his old habits. The same way you have, it seems.
Yet you continue in this daydream, continue returning to him.
Returning to this fool who thinks he has you figured out, you fall for him repeatedly.
And I’m a fool, back at it again, falling for you…
A fool who continues to think things will ever change.