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Author's Chapter Notes:
ANDY:
Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that? I am totally blanking. What is the thing?

JIM:
Nobody tell him!

ANDY:
What? No, why?

JIM:
You got it, you?re so close!

ANDY:
Break me off a piece of that? huh huh huh?. apple sauce.

JIM:
Break me off a piece of that applesauce, I don?t think?

ANDY:
Break me off a piece of that Chrysler car.

JIM:
Nope.

ANDY:
Break me off a piece of that (deep breath) all publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners, the original characters and plot are the property of the author, the author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, and no copyright infringement is intended!

As he sings, the Dunder Mifflinites exchange glances. Has ANDY finally cracked? JIM is near tears from holding back his laughter.

MICHAEL (while ANDY gasps for air):
Okay, it?s all publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners, the original characters and plot are the property of the author, the author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, and no copyright infringement is intended. It?s all publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners, the original characters and plot are the property of the author, the author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, and no copyright infringement is intended! Alright! So, anybody else?

We open in DWIGHT’S OFFICE, where DWIGHT is at his desk, hard at work building Dunder Mifflin into the northeastern Pennsylvania paper products monopoly it was always meant to be. (An EAGLE-EYED VIEWER might note the picture quality is higher than usual.) He hangs up his phone and gives a slightly sinister-sounding victorious chortle, then gathers a set of papers from the file open in front of him and taps them against his desk to straighten them.

He looks around his desk in confusion, then checks his desk drawer, and…

DWIGHT (irritated):
*Dammit* Jim!

He removes from his desk a mold of LEMON FLAVOR JELL-O … which holds his STAPLER.

The camera pans to JIM, at his desk in the FRONT DESK CLUMP, smirking and casually eating a small cup of LEMON FLAVOR JELL-O with a plastic spoon, much as he did in the pilot.

We cut to:

DWIGHT entering the branch for the day, flicking on the lights and entering THE MANAGER’S OFFICE, pulling his desk chair out and sitting down…

…only to pop right back up and sharply swivel around, with some unidentified green material sticking to the butt of his pants.

DWIGHT (frustrated):
*Dammit* Jim!

The camera zooms in on the chair, where there is a slightly crushed mold of LIME FLAVOR JELL-O, which holds DWIGHT’S DWIGHT BOBBLEHEAD.

We then quickly pan to JIM, leaning against the RECEPTION DESK, smirking and casually eating a small cup of LIME FLAVOR JELL-O from PAM’S JELLYBEAN CONTAINER.

We cut to:

THE PARKING LOT OF DOOM, at golden hour. DWIGHT, in full trenchcoat and carrying his briefcase, walks to the door of his TRANS-AM and reaches into his pocket… then removes his hand, lost, and pats himself down, before glancing through the window and spying…

DWIGHT (exasperated):
*Dammit* Jim!

a mold of RASPBERRY FLAVOR JELL-O on the passenger seat, with HIS KEYS inside!

We pan to the OFFICE WINDOW, where JIM is smirking and eating a small cup of RASPBERRY FLAVOR JELL-O.

We cut to:

DWIGHT entering the BREAK ROOM from the MAIN OFFICE, far more slowly and carefully then we are used to seeing him move. He is bare-faced and squinting. He steps towards the BREAK ROOM TABLE, and spots something. He leans closer, closer, closer, until his nose is practically next to…

DWIGHT (infuriated):
*Dammit* Jim!

a mold of ISLAND PINEAPPLE FLAVOR JELL-O which surrounds HIS GLASSES.

The camera pans to the ANNEX SIDE BREAK ROOM WINDOW, where JIM is watching through the blinds in classic JIM-LOOKING-THROUGH-THE-BLINDS MEME fashion. He has a small cup of ISLAND PINEAPPLE FLAVOR JELL-O in his hand, which as the camera zooms out he offers to PAM on his left side without taking his eyes off DWIGHT.

PAM (oh that husband of mine!):
How did you even…

JIM (smirking):
You don’t want to know.

We cut to:

DWIGHT walking by the FRONT DESK CLUMP, where he spies a mold of the BRAND-NEW GRANNY SMITH APPLE FLAVOR JELL-O, ON SALE AT YOUR LOCAL SUPERMARKET NOW.

He opens his mouth to chastise JIM, and then realizes…

There’s nothing in it????

DWIGHT shoots a look to the CONFERENCE ROOM doorway, where JIM is leaning against the frame with his arms crossed, smirking. He unfolds his arms to reveal he’s holding a spoon in each hand, and smiles brightly.

DWIGHT puts a hand on each hip and shakes his head at JIM, giving a very fake grin. Oh, you kid!

We cut to JIM and DWIGHT sitting at the CONFERENCE ROOM TABLE, laughing and cajoling each other as they dug into the mold of BRAND-NEW GRANNY SMITH APPLE FLAVOR JELL-O, AVAILABLE WHEREVER POWDERED DESSERTS ARE SOLD, which they are clearly enjoying the heck out of.

The letters J-E-L-L-O in the standard brand format pop on the screen above them, each accompanied by a musical note to the tune of the classic jingle. The tagline “fun things up” appears at the bottom of the screen.

JIM (voiceover):
Now in *new* Granny Smith Apple flavor! (quickly, in fine print mode) JELL-O does not condone workplace bullying.

We cut to JIM, outside the office front door by the Dunder Mifflin sign, doing a quick talking head as members of a CAMERA CREW carry out their gear. (EAGLE-EYED VIEWERS will note we are back to our standard documentary-quality image.)

JIM:
Yeah, Jell-O has decided to make us their new celebrity spokesmen! I’ve had a lot of offers since the documentary, but this one… definitely came with the most money. (smirks) Hey, Pam and I have two kids to put through college, and I did exclusively use Jell-O brand gelatin on Dwight, so I’ve eaten a lot of it over the years. (smile drops) A *lot*.

We cut to a talking head with DWIGHT, at his desk, carefully cleaning his BOBBLEHEAD with a toothbrush.

DWIGHT (I don’t like what you’re implying):
All publicity is good publicity. It’s just like the documentary, it’s great advertising for us. (He puts down the bobblehead.) And yes, we’re being very well compensated. Baby needs a new pair of shoes! (Beat) And Mose needs a new pair of overalls. (Beat) Actually, Mose needs an entirely new wardrobe. I came home the other day and found him completely nude, having tailored every item of clothing he owned to dress the goats. It doesn’t bother me… but Angela has some objections. And the County of Lackawanna has been talking about revoking my guardianship again.

Chapter End Notes:
I?ve had this idea percolating for a LONG time, and then in this week?s OLP Jenna said something that will forever leave you all with doubts I came up with this concept on my own. Grrrr.

In case it needs clarifying, I also don?t own Jell-O, or any other brand that may subsequently make an appearance in this story, and all endorsements are by Messrs Hapert, Halpert, Schrute, Schrute, Scott, Lapin-Vance, Hudson, Martinez, Malone, Palmer, Bratton, Kapoor, Howard, Flenderson, Bernard, Hannon, Philbin et al and not your humble author, who doesn?t even LIKE Jell-O.

Unless otherwise noted, you can assume these are set during and shortly after the airing of the documentary and before the reunion.

This will be irregularly updated, but I have a bunch of ideas for it. And who knows? Maybe it?ll actually get me writing one of the many, many things I?ve promised to write again!


darjeelingandcoke is the author of 20 other stories.



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