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Author's Chapter Notes:

This is set a week after the finale in The Office world, rather than ours (the finale was set a year later than 2013, so makes sense. Right?)

Saturday May 25th, 2014

Pam was wandering around Wegmans, pushing Philip in the cart, when she heard a baby screaming, and a British accent that she recognised trying to soothe it. She walked towards the commotion and was surprised to find Nellie in the middle of the aisle, bouncing a baby up and down in a baby carrier that was strapped to her chest.

"Nellie!" Pam exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Pam, hi," Nellie cautiously replied, looking shiftily around her. "I'm, uh, just getting some supplies for my, um, my nephew."

"Isn't that Ryan's baby?" Pam asked, clearly confused.

Nellie's shoulders slumped. "Oh god, Pam. It is. We've been hiding out since Angela and Dwight's wedding and I don't know what to do."

"Oh my god," Pam hissed. "Did you steal him?"

"What? Oh god no. Ryan left with Kelly and they've not come back. I've tried calling both of them, but neither phone is connected and no one knows where they are." 

"So are you just going to keep him?"

"I'm not sure what else I can do. You know how desperate I am for a baby, and I can't bear to see him grow up in ‘the system'," Nellie said with finger quotes. "So, we're just laying low for now."

"Are you not gonna go back to Poland?" Pam asked, as she handed Philip a snack.

"I can't. He hasn't got a passport, and I've no idea how to get him one. Oh god, Pam I don't know how to do anything. I'm a terrible mum, and I'm only one week in," she sobbed.

Pam put her arm around Nellie, trying not to squash Drake in the process. "Nellie, the first rule of being a mom, is never beat yourself up about it. You are doing the best you can possibly do for that little baby. I'm sure you can use some help though. I know just the people." Pam opened her purse and took out her phone, as Nellie gazed on, confused at what Pam was doing.

Pam: I've just bumped into Nellie in Wegmans, and SHE HAS RYAN'S BABY!!!! 

Meredith: What?!?

Angela: Excuse me? 

Pam: Ryan and Kelly just left the baby with her at your wedding and she's got no idea what she's doing. We need to help her. Emergency meeting tonight.

Meredith: Alright, get her address and we'll be there at 8pm

Angela: We have leftover beet wine from the wedding. I'll bring that.

Pam: You know what, I'm in Wegmans, I'll just pick some bottles up here 

--

The following Monday, it was a particularly slow afternoon, with both kids at kindergarten, no job, and no house to obsessively clean now that it had been sold. Jim was off running some errands for his dad and for the first time in her life, Pam felt she could relax, totally guilt free. After fixing herself a tea and settling onto the couch, she looked around and wondered what to do with herself. She flicked through Netflix, but couldn't find anything that she wanted to watch, or anything that she didn't have to wait to watch with Jim. She thought about starting a book, but realised it was unlikely that she'd ever have the time to finish it after her brief respite. Instead she reached for her phone. 

Pam: I don't think I showed you guys the house we put an offer in on. https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/16413-Along-Creek-Cv-Austin-TX-78717/88023021_zpid/?

Meredith: Shit me that's a nice place

Nellie: Bloody hell. That's insane. Bit of an upgrade.

Pam: I know, I was kinda surprised about how much we could get for our money down there.

Nellie: Maybe I'll move down there too. I can't stay living in a one bed flat anymore. Drake needs his own room. 

Meredith: Eh, it's fine. My kids both slept in the same room with me til they were 7 and 10. Never did them any harm.

Nellie: What about your husband?

Meredith: Oh he slept on the couch most nights. The nights when he was home anyway

Pam: Oh, I'm so sorry Meredith ♥

Meredith: Doesn't matter. He was a dick that I'm better off without

Meredith: So anyway, nice place Pam. Shame it means our Wednesday nights are gonna have to stop. When you moving? 

Pam: I know, I'm really sad about that. It's gonna be so weird. New place, no friends or family. You guys will have to come visit 

Nellie: Oh yeah, add me to the guest list please. But I'll have to drive down there. Or do I not need a passport on internal flights?

Pam: No you're good. Drake will be fine on a plane without a passport. And totally you have to come visit, and stay! I'm sure we can kick Jim and the kids out for the evening so we can do a proper TMC

Meredith: We better fucking do that

Nellie: I really hope we do. The other night was exactly what I needed. Think we can do another before you leave?

Pam: Absolutely we can. We get together every Wednesday night

Meredith: Depends who's got a sitter, or now that Jim's back, a husband 🙄. And then we just go to whoever's house 

Pam: Hey! 

Meredith: What?

Pam: I told you, leave Jim alone. It's not the Single Mom's Club, it's the Tired Mom's Club. Doesn't matter if Jim is around or not

Meredith: Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Don't get your panties in a twist.

Nellie: I mean, I'm not even a mum. Am I allowed to be in your club? 

Pam: Of course you are! You're totally a mom now you've got Drake. It's an amazing thing you're doing.

Meredith: Yeah, I wouldn't take in anyone else's kids. My two are all the heathens I need in my life

Pam: But you love them dearly 

Meredith: I guess

Pam: Meredith! 

Meredith: No, I do, I do. They're just assholes is all. 

Meredith: You're doing great kiddo.

Nellie: I'm really not sure I am. I mean, he's alive and all, and seems happy. But how do you know if you're doing a good job?

Meredith: Oh you never know. You just hope for the best

Pam: Yeah, it's all you can really do. And you're doing an amazing job 

Angela: I stepped away from my desk for 10 minutes to talk to Dwight and there were 33 message notifications

Pam: LOL

Nellie: Whoops

Meredith: Is that it?

Angela: Pam, I should kindly ask you not to distract everyone now you are no longer working. 

Pam: Sorry Angela.

Nellie: I'm no longer working. Does that mean I can't distract anyone either? 

Meredith: It was something to pass the time. Nothinggggg is going on here today. And now Jim's not even here to look at. 

Pam: Hey! 

Meredith: Your husband is hot. Take the compliment woman. 

Pam: Ok, fine thank you. 

Meredith: Can you send us a pic of him in the shower though?

Pam: Absolutely not

Meredith: Oh come on. I'd like to see wet Jim

Angela: I suggest we leave this conversation until after 5pm. Meredith, I don't want to have to inform the Regional Manager that you are slacking on your work.

Meredith: Well then don't tell him, duh 

Pam: Alright, I'll catch you guys later. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon

Nellie: Oh Pam, if you're not doing anything, want to go grab a coffee and have a walk?

Pam: Sure thing. I'll message you separately to sort it out. Bye guys

Meredith: Seeya

--

At exactly 5pm that evening, Pam's phone began buzzing as she was making dinner. Once she finally got the spaghetti sauce under control, she rinsed her hands and dried them with a dishcloth before reaching for her phone.

Meredith: Thank god today is over. Anyone wanna meet for an emergency drink tonight? 

Nellie: God yes. I've just been shat on.

Meredith: Oh nice. First time? 

Nellie: Yes! I had no idea that much shit could come out of such a small person. It's everywhere.

Meredith: You get used to it.

Angela: That never happened with Philip. 

Meredith: Course it didn't

Meredith: Just count yourself lucky you didn't have to grow the kid and squeeze it out. Lot worse things happen than getting shat on

Pam: Sorry I'm just getting dinner ready, but I'm around! 

Pam: And second that. Pregnancy is not fun.

Meredith: Oh god it's the worst. Between the morning sickness and the weight gain and the heartburn

Pam: Oh I forgot about the heartburn

Meredith: Not to mention how shitty your tits look after breastfeeding

Nellie: Shitty titties!

Angela: Well I cannot agree, I did not have any of those symptoms

Meredith: Yeah but you had a 10lb baby, so your coochie must be all stretched out at the very least

Angela: I will not be discussing my private parts with you.

Meredith: Oh right, that's only when we drink 😜

Meredith: So who's gonna come for a drink tonight?

Pam: I can't I'm afraid

Nellie: Wish I could, but I've got shit everywhere that I need to clean

Angela: No.

Pam: Oh we forgot peeing before. So much peeing when you're pregnant

Meredith: And gas. I used to fart myself awake at night

Meredith: Thank fuck I'm not having any more kids

Pam: I think we're done. I'm like 90% sure we're done.

Meredith: Unless you have another ‘surprise' lmao

Meredith: What about you Ange?

Angela: Yes, Dwight and I shall be having more children

Nellie: Does that mean what I think it means?!?!?!

Angela: What do you think it means?

Nellie: Are you pregnant????

Angela: No.

Meredith: Are you trying?

Angela: Not that it is any of your concern, but yes we are

Pam: Omg that's so exciting!!!!!

Nellie: Oh wowzer!

Meredith: I'm not sure I want to cheer on sex with Dwight. But, good luck I guess?

Angela: Thank you.

Pam: I've gotta get back to dinner, but Nellie, keep us updating on poopgate and let us know if you need any advice on it

Meredith: Just try not to get sprayed in the face, put a cloth over his wiener when you change him. GAME CHANGER

Pam: Oh yeah, I totally second that

Angela: And third it.

Nellie: Oh god, what am I doing? Send wine. Lots of wine please.

Meredith: I'm on my way.


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