Pseudonyms, Please: Crosswords

Email: donotccme@emails.com

Subject: He Loves Cheating More than He Loves Pretzels

Message: I’m an intern in one of the most profitable branches of the company. I was out in a trendy nightclub with some friends when I saw the resident grump in the office with a woman. I don’t really know much about him other than he hates everyone and everything, so I didn’t really know if he had a wife or a sister. Then he started doing things that a man wouldn’t do to his sister so that pretty much canceled the theory.

Found out the next day that he’s married with a kid and that his wife was out of town. The woman he was with was his nurse and I honestly think she’s waiting for divorce papers so they can get married. That man is honestly one pretzel away from giving his entire fortune to her. It seemed to be working out according to plan but then our boss actually called the man’s wife and accidentally blabbed everything to her. I then heard someone’s car getting destroyed. I’m too scared to check outside.