It felt like the worst feeling in the world when she saw it. It was Christmas morning, their first Christmas morning together, and they were spending it at Pam's parents' house. Pam had assumed that they would be spending Christmas with their own families, and meeting up sometime after dinner, but Jim had no intention of waking up on their first Christmas together without Pam next to him. That, and the fact that his own parents had announced they were going on a cruise that left on December 14th and that they wouldn't be back until the 28th, and that all their kids could find other homes for two weeks. Jim had taken it kind of badly, but Pam had cheered him up with promises of her mom's special eggnog recipe, as many Christmas movies as he could take and absolutely not a pair of matching pyjamas in sight.

So as the Beeslys and Jim sat around on the floor and the couches in their mismatching pyjamas on Christmas morning, Pam felt confident that this was going to be the best Christmas that she'd ever had. They took turns ripping into their gifts, with eager eyes waiting for hopefully excited expressions, until Pam picked up a squishy present, wrapped in white and gold paper. 

"This one is for Jim," she smiled, holding out the gift to Jim. He took it with a smile, and Pam went to sit next to him with a plop onto the worn brown leather couch. 

"Oh thanks Helene," he grinned after reading the tag. He tore into the sparkly paper to reveal grey wool and that's when he felt Pam stiffen beside him.  

"It's a sweater!" Helene exclaimed, as Jim pulled the item out of the packaging. "I made it for you Jim."

"Excuse me," Pam said quietly, before running out of the room. 

"Pammy?" Helene shouted after her daughter. She went to stand up, but Jim stopped her. 

"You stay, I'll go see if she's ok," Jim said reassuringly. Helene nodded in agreement and watched Jim calmly walk out of the living room, closing the door behind him. He walked up the stairs, sure that he would find Pam on the bed in the guest room where they were staying. And sure enough, that's exactly where she was. Except Jim hadn't quite expected her to be sobbing into a pillow. "Hey, hey. Beesly, what's going on?" he asked, stroking her back slowly. He was about to jokingly ask if she really hated the sweater that much, but decided now probably wasn't the best time to joke, seeing as she clearly did hate the sweater. 

"Sorry," Pam sniffed, sitting up to face him with bloodshot eyes and tear-streaked cheeks.  

"What's going on?" he repeated, pulling her closer to rest her head in the crook of his shoulder. When she didn't answer, he kissed the top of her head and rubbed his hand slowly up and down her arm. They sat in silence for a few minutes until Pam finally worked up the courage to talk. She sat up straighter and fidgeted with her hands, but couldn't look at him. 

"It's that wool. It's the," she sniffed, tears spilling down her cheeks again, "same as the one," sniff, "my mom made for me," she squeaked.

"The one you wore the first day I came back," he said quietly, taking her hand in his and bringing it onto his lap. She nodded next to him and tried to slow her tears. "You looked so pretty that day."

"You didn't even look at me that day," she said quietly.

"Pam, are you kidding me?" he said in utter shock, forcing her to look up at him. "I literally couldn't take my eyes off you. It took every single ounce of strength I had in me to not stare at you all day long." Pam let out a silent laugh through her nose as her eyebrow quirked ever so slightly. "I'm serious," he said, realising she didn't believe him. He took her hand from his lap and held it to his chest causing her to turn round to face him. "Since I met you, you're the only woman I've ever wanted to look at. And yeah, I had some distractions along the way, but I needed to. I was killing myself thinking about you 24/7. And I guess that's why I asked Karen out the day before I came back to the office, because I just knew I couldn't cope being in the same room as you again. Knowing that you didn't feel the same way about me that I felt about you." 

"But I did," she tried to protest. 

"But I didn't know that at the time." He dropped her hand and lent his elbows on his knees, ducking his head down. "I'm so sorry Pam. God I was such a fucking moron to you. To both of you." He felt Pam's hand on his back and turned his head to the side slightly before looking up at her. "I really am sorry." 

"I know, I know. I'm sorry too," Pam said with a sigh. "I'm sorry for bringing this up again, I honestly didn't mean to." Jim nodded solemnly. "I guess, it was just seeing that wool again, it just brought it all back. Remember when Michael let all the air out of our tires?" Jim nodded again, this time with a slight laugh as he closed his eyes at the memory. "It was freezing out and I wrapped that stupid cardigan so tightly around me to try and stay warm. And then that's when I saw Karen put her hand on your back, and my world just kind of fell apart." Tears were beginning to fall down her face again. 

"Come here," Jim said, pulling her back to his chest again.

"And when I got home, I still had that stupid cardigan on, and it was cold, so I remember pulling it around me again. And then I couldn't stop picturing her hand on your back, just over and over in my head. And I took it off and just threw it across my room and I'm pretty sure I spent the rest of the night crying into my pillow." She wiped at her tear stained face and tried to slow her breathing. "Sorry," she said with a shake of her head against Jim's chest, "again." 

"I'm so sorry I ever made you feel like that," he said, tilting her head up so that she would finally look at him. "I promise that I never, ever will again." Pam nodded slightly at his apology. "And I will never wear that sweater, I'll just hide it until we leave here and then donate it to Goodwill as soon as I can."

"No, don't be silly, you don't need to do that," she protested.

"And have you cry like that again? Absolutely not," he said, pushing a loose curl behind her ear. 

"Well, maybe we could wear them out together one day, the sweater and cardigan I mean," she began. "Like maybe we could go on a date or something, and maybe create some new memories?" 

"Well that sounds like a plan to me," he smiled, before lowering his lips to meet hers. 

--

And that's how, three days later, Jim and Pam found themselves having the first alfresco sex of their relationship. They'd been out for dinner to a new Thai place that Jim wanted to try and Pam had thought it would be a great place to create some new memories for their clothes. And it really was. The food was amazing, and the wine was even better. And when they stumbled out of the restaurant hours later, they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Jim suggested they go for a walk to Nay Aug Park to sober up a little before they got a cab home, and Pam giggled in agreement. Before long, Jim had her pressed up against a tree in the abandoned park, and as Pam's hand found its way into his pants, he said a silent prayer for the late hour and lack of streetlights in the park. It didn't take much for Pam to free Jim from his pants, or for him to hike her blue skirt up, and as he pushed himself inside of her, burying his head into her cardigan as he did so, Pam clutched his grey wool cladded chest tightly, knowing that this was the memory that she would always think of when Jim wore that sweater.