Pam wasn’t sure what to think or do. Not surprisingly, she was at a loss for words. Her eyes glazed over the shiny yogurt lid and looked at the plastic container in front of her. “Mixed Berry” was written on it in fancy writing. Her stomach was shocked out of its summersaults by the kind action. Her small hand wrapped around the yogurt, and she slide her thumb gently across the berries, tracing them with her fingers. She looked back to Jim, searching the iris of his eyes for an answer. 

“It’s yogurt!” Jim explained, seeing the questioning look. 

Pam gently pulled off the metallic lid. The creamy yogurt looked tempting and shiny. The yogurt had small pieces of raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries. It was all in a perfect swirl, creating a light shade of purple.

“I noticed you don’t eat… but if you have yogurt, you don’t have to eat! It’s soft so you don’t swallow. Then you don’t have to be scared,” Jim said softly, looking to make sure no one could overhear him.

Pam pressed her teeth into her tongue and her eyes got round. He had thought it through. He had cared enough to bring it to her. It was for her. She ventured, her surprise and delight triumphant over the anxiety. She lipped thank you. She mouthed it, her front teeth holding her tongue to prevent the escape of noise, but her mouth formed each letter. It was soundless, but conveyed an emotion.No sound came, but her sealed lips opened, allowing her to express her gratitude. The keeper of her words was furious, but calmed by the reassurance of the lack of eyes on her, as she frantically searched for any upon her. The lock on her words was strong, but the keeper was getting worn out, exhausted by the energy the fear was demanding. The keeper stood strong, but if looked at hard enough you could see the keeper’s lip quiver, distressed by the thought of the words one day rebelling. She had never even had the urge to mouth something, never enough desperation to say something. Yet, his gentle eyes and smooth voice calmed the screaming alarms. She hadn’t spoken, but she could see through his eyes that it was enough. 

Jim’s smile spread from ear to ear, his white teeth gleaming. The sun shone on the auburn strands of Pam’s hair. It was light, but noticeable if Jim looked for a few seconds. Her cheeks were a light pinkish, as she return the smile. His heart fizzed with each of her smiles, getting bubbly with excitement. He was stunned to see her mouth open to mouth something, but not surprised to hear it be speechless. He wasn’t disappointed, he was only pleased to see her pleased with herself. He was a kid who enjoyed the little things in life. He was pretty sure this was his favorite little thing. He replayed it over and over again on the walls of his eyes when he closed them. Soundless or not, he was in pure bliss. 

••

The brief moment of speechless courage dissipated swiftly, anxiety coming in as a storm was harsh rain. The storm was impending, reminding her of the reality. The penetrating rain-soaked what once felt accomplished. It poured, weighing her thoughts while soaking them through, like a wet, heavy towel compared to the weight of a dry, fluffy towel. The heavier the worry, the longer it stubbornly stuck. 

The yogurt no longer looked appetizing, and the familiar feeling returned to her stomach. 

“You don’t have to have it,” Jim whispered encouragingly. 

She caught her breath again, as the pressure to please was removed. She had bitten the inside of her cheeks and could taste it. She wanted so much to show Jim that she could do it. She was just too weak, too scared of humiliation.

Although, Jim never stopped bringing the yogurt. He brought it every day.