Recess came about fast. Pam watched the clock closely, waiting for it to reach ten. She was finally glad that Micheal had spent three weeks teaching them about clocks. It shouldn’t have taken that long, but he doubled the time it took to teach pretty much anything through his exaggerated analogies and out-of-pocket tangents. 

The second hour of the day was spent getting the correct school supplies and children chatting with the students adjacent to them. Jim seemed occupied talking to Karen, so Pam spent time sketching. Her mind kept flashing a banner of doubt, telling her Karen was more engaging for Jim anyways. Pam was sure she had just as much to say, to share and entertain with, but her only method was a paper and pencil. Karen had words that seemed to be a lot stronger. Her method was eye-catching, keeping your attention for a little, but Karen’s approach didn’t just catch your eyes, it called for them. Her natural way and indistinguishable voice and tone made it easier to know it was she who was speaking with passion and purpose. Karen was a magician with words, twisting and changing them to fit each situation easily without hesitation. Pam’s mind grew green with jealousy of the ease Karen had with speaking her mind. Her mind was covered with sage green vines, growing via the rains of anxiety. Jealously was new and frightening, yet a relief from her persistent usual feelings. Words came so effortlessly to Karen, they raced to the tip of her tongue and then pranced out smoothly and calmly. Pam’s words were held back by ropes, desperate to escape with her tongue rough and speechless. 

Jim hadn’t forgotten her, despite how much Pam’s catastrophic thoughts wanted to convince her that he had. The raised eyebrows and looks were consistent and unfailing. He would shrug at any of their teacher's strange remarks or look to Pam anytime Dwight raised his hand. Which was often. 

Yet, Karen and Jim had something in common that Pam lacked. 

••

Eventually, recess came and the apprehensive children lined up in record time, primarily because of Mr. Flendreson’s approach compared to Micheals. Once in a line, Pam was able to take a breath and a moment to take into account who was in her class this year. Her eyes shifted to Dwight, who seemed to always be in her class. He coughed but covered it up quickly which only made Pam smirk, remembering his claims about Shrute’s being immune to everything. He glazed over his peers to reassure himself that no one had taken notice and Pam only averted her eyes to her usual location to allow him to be saved from humiliation. Her eyes found their way back to their most comfortable spot, on her white shoes. Her eyes seemed drawn there and felt relaxed enough to blink once she was staring at her shoes. She was happy to prevent Dwight from embarrassment, knowing her aversion to the feeling. 

The children found their way to their usual spots in the park. Dwight made a beeline to the fire pole, Roy to the basketball court, and the majority of the other kids to monkey bars or slides. Throughout first grade, Jim and Pam would dash to their self-assigned swings, smiling the whole way over. The sun would make the black rubber burn their thighs and the metal chains warm their fingers. 

Pam’s eyes frantically searched for Jim, she was tentative to take off on her own. She enjoyed the routine of it and was resistant to the thought of change. 

Pam stood still, searching for Jim. Eventually, her eyes fell on Jim, but Karen was right next to him. The two walked, laughing and exchanging jokes and sarcastic comments. Their stride seemed to be in sync as the two took each step, making their way toward the playground. Pam held herself back, observing meekly as they walked by her. 

Jim sat on his usual swing, and Karen sat on Pam’s.