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Author's Chapter Notes:
OH I THINK YALL ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ONE!!

There was a sub today. Mr. Flenderson had taken random, sporadic trip to Costa Rica. There had been an ironic lack of communication between the new teacher and Toby that made the situation becoming a labyrinth. 


Jim was flipping through the pages of his comic Pam had created, licking his pointer finger in between each page as if it was a thick textbook. He reread it on multiple occasions, convincing Pam he had some sort of separation anxiety from the sheets of paper. The papers were becoming crinkled from use and the string weak and frayed from from frequent turning. She loved watching his expression as his read it, his eyes tracing each picture she had drawn. He rarely actually read the words neatly printed onto the paper, explaining each situation. Every once in a while, he would push himself and read it aloud to Pam, pausing in between each word and analyzing each letter before allowing it into the open air. She loved having him read to her, it made her feel cared for.


It wasn’t until the beginning of second grade when Jim whisper what he held to be his biggest secret. He had dyslexia. It made a lot click for Pam, reasoned why he too was so attached to drawing to express his thoughts and why he preferred to draw in his notebooks with Pam rather than write the words. Words written or spoken seemed to hold so much value, but were so unnecessary. So much could be shared without them, something much deeper and more meaningful. Often times people take the words for granted, using them freely without a concern of their power. Words held power, but communication without them held truth. 


When Jim read or they were assigned something in class, Pam found herself reaching through the glass box of fear that surrounds her, liquefying a small hole to allow her to assist. She would sketch small images on his notebook or her notebook. His eyes lit up with the images as the gears in him processed it. The stretch of courage was worth to see light bulb flicker in his mind. Her keeper of words was firm, strapping her words in a straight jacket and tightening in the lock, but the other parts of her leaped at the opportunity to see how little words seemed to mean to Jim and how much could be shared without them. The two saw words in their own ways and both seemed to understand the limits words put on connection. 


••


Mr. Flenderson had left without warning, leaving Ms. Bennett as the substitute. It was around two weeks into school after Christmas break when Ms. Bennett was introduced to the class. She was strict, older woman with a serious demeanor and grey hair that matched her intense personality that was tainted by her southern verbiage. 


She was passionate about the children’s education and was determined to show what school was really meant to be to the young students. Her eyes were able to pick out the children who were going to need more work and pushing effectively. She wanted her class to have paramount statistics and prepare each child for their future, regardless of their age. 


Ms. Bennett told the class to open up their books to a certain page in the thick English textbook, her voice unwavering and firm. Her voice shook Pam, her eyes begging to avoid any contact with her. Pam was biting her lips and her shoulders fell in, her red hair creating a blanket over shoulders and her chest collapsed into her. The children were never fond of Mr. Flenderson, but were not thrilled with the feverish pace Ms. Bennett sought after. Pam found the frantic switch up unsettling and the change throwing off her sense of comfort and routine. 


“Uh, let’s see. Who should I pick? Pam, please read aloud page 9,” Ms. Bennett announced.


All the children in the class, whether they were new to the school or had been there since preschool, spun their heads to Pam in shock. Each knew that Pam was almost off limits and was never called on by the teacher. An unspoken rule that no child ever questioned. 


The eyes burned into Pam’s skin, stinging it sourly and igniting every nerve. It started in her chest, the drum of her heart picking a faster-than-normal beat. It spread to her lungs, they tightened and her breaths got shorter, then to her arms surging with adrenaline and the tips of her fingers tingling. It got to her legs, pumping with preparation to take off at a sprint if need be. The world felt hazy. The muscles in her calves were creating an excessive amount of energy, itching to take off as if she was about the race and was at the starting line waiting for the ‘go ahead’. It felt as though her skin was confining her, too tight and rubbing a friction with the desire to escape. Waves of panic flowed over her, a threatening tsunami oncoming. Sprays of the sea escaped through the corner of her eyes. Her lips were sucked in and pressed into by her teeth until they felt numb. The inside of her felt as if it was running of a marathon and the outside of her seemed to hold her back, making her claustrophobic.


••


Jim nearly lost it when Pam was called. He was stunned into surprise and glanced back and for between the teacher who was becoming impatient and Pam who looked ready to faint. For a few minutes, he thought she would. He could see the panic escalating and her breathing uncontrollably fluctuating. He wanted to run up and slap the teacher in the face, but he resisted his impulsive urges sternly.


Jim was a talker. He was extroverted and happy-go-lucky. Speaking wasn’t something that confined him and he enjoyed adding his opinions and thoughts into conversations. He loved explaining his views and interjecting himself into a conversation. He was a hand raiser with frequent participation in class, but reading aloud was something that was prevented to rescue himself from the embarrassment of his stumbling over each vowel and word. For the longest time he thought he was just too dumb to learn how to read without the words blurring together and letters swimming in waves of an uncertain ocean. The same ocean that crashed onto Pam violently was the same one his letters he was reading cannonballed into and went for a swim in, floating every way as he stared into the paper.


Yet, this time he threw every part of him that was unsure of his abilities he hurled onto the sand and pulled out a lifeline. He took the lifeboat with certainty and came to help.


“I’ll read it!” Jim announced, surprising himself more than he surprised Ms. Bennet. 


Chapter End Notes:

Was I right? I hope so! :) 


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