Pam’s eyelids grew heavy once again. She felt as if someone was literally trying to push them closed and she was rapidly losing the battle. Whether she was still groggy from the drugs, the shear exhaustion of childbirth or from having hauled around another human being inside of her for 9 months, she wasn’t sure. Whatever combination – it was kicking her butt.

She lay quietly in bed watching hazily as Jim cradled Jill in his arms. He sat with his back against the headboard and his legs stretched out in front of him on top of the comforter. 

It suddenly struck her anew how large his hands were. How long his arms were. Their baby was so much shorter than his forearm. So tiny…Those who didn’t know Jill Halpert had taken her sweet time coming into the world, might’ve thought she was a premie.

There had been a couple of false starts at labor, before the main event. Jim had lovingly referred to them as ‘practice runs’. Even now he was sure it was because of those practice runs that they hadn’t fallen apart hours ago in the midst of the real thing. That they’d kept their cool throughout the craziest experience that any human being could go through was a testament to practice runs...and that they were just that cool.

He’d kept his cool, Pam thought now. She wasn’t sure exactly what kind of raving, crying, lunatic she’d turned into at the end there…maybe they’d never speak about that.

She shut her eyes, but then forced them open again. When was that whole miraculous amnesia thing supposed to set in?

“Pam…” Jim said whispering as not to wake Jill. “You’re killing me…go to sleep.”

“I know,” she said groggily. “I just…I didn’t want to spend her first hours at home, asleep.”

“Why? She is,” Jim said nodding towards their sleeping girl. “The doctor…the books…everyone says you should sleep when she sleeps…remember?”

Pam nodded. “You’re sure the camera was working though right? When we first brought her inside…and when you got her out of the car?”

“20% sure…yes.”

No sooner had she giggled at his joke, then she reached out for his arm in pain. She bit down on her bottom lip as her fingernails bit into his skin. “Ow…don’t do that. Please don’t be charming right now.”

He made an equally wincing face and smoothed a hand over her arm. “Ow…Sorry……” He smiled at her. “It comes so natural Pam…sometimes I don’t know I’m doing it.”

When Pam only looked at him tiredly, he brought their sleeping baby close to his chest and bent carefully towards Pam’s head, placing a kiss there. “The camera worked Pam. Everything…worked.”

Pam smiled softly. “It did, didn’t it?”

“Yes,” he said smiling back at her. Her throat closed.

“Everything’s fine. Me and Jill are just gonna hang out…get to know each other a little…you get some rest…ok?”

Pam nodded even though she desperately wanted to be fully conscious for Jim’s first date with his daughter. But it was no use, her eyes were shutting already on their own accord. And maybe it was better this way…give them some time…

Jim watched Pam grimace in her sleep moments later when she tried moving. Her unconscious mind quickly decided against it. He looked down at the warm tiny bundle in his arms. It was the first time anyone had been in this bed aside from himself or Pam. It was the first time…for everything.

He was still getting to know Jill…but already she was perfect. The moment both everything and more than he imagined.

Gently and admittedly slightly nervously he smoothed a hand over her head. Not even really touching…just enough to feel her soft wavy brown hair. Hair that swirled around into one spot the way water did when it went down a drain. So that’s how hair started…

She was just this little pink face…with eyes that were the shape of her mother’s already. The color though…the doctors said that might change, but right now…now they were deep blue. Her mouth was his all the way.

He’d gotten teased for his big smile as a kid. Kids had called him bozo. On a girl though it’d probably be cute…It would have to be. If she got teased for any reason, he’d have to start beating up children…and having a father in prison who’d been put there for beating children probably wouldn’t be good for her rep.

He’d get Dwight to do it.

Jill fidgeted jerkily in his arms for a moment and his heart instantly leapt into his throat. “Ooooh…sssh…sorry…Dwight thoughts seeped through my fingers into your head…ssshh…we don’t wanna wake mommy…” Jill settled back into her sleep. Her expression smoothing much like her mothers had moments before. Jim smiled. “There ya go.”

So far he hadn’t had to deal with any crying on his own. Pam had woken up at the slightest peep when they’d been in the hospital.

All those high pitched sounds of pure agony did him in every time…Pam seemed to handle it like a pro though. He’d read somewhere that women sometimes developed an ear for which cries meant what. Hungry, tired, wet…

Logically he knew it was too soon for Pam to have figured that all out, but somehow in the hospital she’d seemed to know. She’d seemed to get it. He’d known that she was going to be a great mom, but now he was honestly a little afraid that he wouldn’t measure up.

He had to figure things out quickly. So this was good…Pam was asleep….he and Jilly were alone. This gave him the perfect opportunity to learn about his daughter. If she cried – she cried. He’d handle it. He’d have to take her out of the room or Pam would wake up too…

Let’s see, if she cried right now it probably wouldn’t be hunger right? Pam had fed her just 20 minutes ago, he thought looking at the clock on their nightstand.

It could be wet…could be poop…he thought back to when the nurse had shown them how to diaper her, careful of the little stump of a belly button that had yet to ‘fall off’…So freaking weird.

The thought kind of skeeved him out…Why on Earth did they have to wait for something to fall off?…It just didn’t seem right.

“At least you’re not a boy,” Jim whispered. “Or that thought woulda been even scarier.”

When she cried…he’d be fine. If Pam could do it – he could do it. He nodded resolutely and realized he was holding the baby across his lap like a loon, so as gently as he could, he slipped one hand under her neck and head, one under her bottom and hoisted her up to his shoulder.

She was warm and little and when he put his hand on her small back and felt it move up and down, something inside of him welled up.

And she didn’t cry.

Wow…