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Author's Chapter Notes:

Just a little something to protect our hearts against the current Jim/Pam situation. A literary version of the chant "It's all going to be okay."

Shout out to GreenEyes for the great beta help, and to Par5 - well, because I know how much she likes to have people talk about her. ;-)

Disclaimer: If I owned these characters, chocolate would have no calories and space travel would be an everyday occurrance too. (I don't!) No copywrite infringement intended!

"So who do you think's been a bigger idiot - you or me?"

She nearly choked on her hot chocolate. "In what respect?"

Jim smiled. "You know, in the "how did we managed to end up here?" respect."

"You really want to know the truth?"

"Yeah, it's why I'm asking."

"You, definitely, you." Pam replied, smirking a little.

"You can't be serious!"

"You asked."

"How in the world can your answer be that cut and dried?"

She put down her drink. "You were the one who immediately jumped in Karen's arms the minute you knew you were coming back to Scranton. Things could have been so easily resolved had you decided not to pull that trick."

"Oh, only because you never bothered to contact me in any way after you broke off your engagement. You never gave me any indication that your feelings might have changed once I left."

"And calling off the wedding two weeks after you told me you loved me wasn't a big enough sign to you that maybe we still had something?"

Jim pulled one of the napkins off the tray. "Do you have a pen?"

"I think so," she replied, fishing through her purse. "Here."

He took the cap off and drew a line down the center of the napkin.

"What are you doing?" Pam asked, starting to smile.

"Working out which of us is the bigger idiot. Whoever has the longest list of things that they did that kept us apart is the winner."

"Or the loser, you mean," she grinned.

"Exactly." He grinned back. "The one most responsible for causing trouble will have to fulfill the other person's wish."

Pam sat up a bit straighter in her chair. "Oooh," she enthused. "There's nothing I like better than beating you in competition. I'll have to start thinking about my prize."

"Not so fast, Beesly," he cautioned, "Because you don't want to hear the list of stupid things you've done that I can rattle off without even thinking too hard about it."

"Is that so?" She frowned, and finished her hot chocolate.

"Well, 'stupid' is too harsh an assessment. I didn't mean stupid." Jim said apologetically, reaching for her hand. "But when it comes to pushing people away, nobody can top your moves."

She squeezed his hand to indicate no offense was taken. "You have a point with that one," she nodded. "But you've had your moments of fine stonewalling, too."

"Okay, well then let's start this. Do you want to make the list chronologically or by person?"

"Chronologically." She thought for a minute. "I believe the fact that I was engaged to Roy when we met shouldn't be counted against me."

"Well, I beg to differ," he joked, "but for the purposes of this list I will agree to that specific point being ruled ineligible. But you were avoiding the whole issue of your basic incompatibilities for at least a year before you finally broke it off. That certainly didn't help our case."

"Fine. You can count that part against me although you could have said something about how you felt long before you did. I mean honestly - less than month before the wedding??"

He shrugged while making notes on the napkin. "Yeah, the timing definitely did not end up working for me."

"Oh!" she said excitedly, "and then there was the day Michael announced to the office you had a crush on me and you tried to cover it up by telling me that it was a long time ago and you were over me. Now had you actually told me the truth then..."

He put his hand up to silence her. "No need to gloat, Beesly. I'm writing that one down."

"So I'm winning so far," she said, craning to see his list.

"Heh. Some win. We haven't even gotten started yet."

"So what else you got?"

"Like I mentioned earlier, you never contacted me after you broke off the engagement. That kept me from feeling like I could contact you."

"Why? I still don't understand that."

"Seriously? You tell me you're still marrying Roy, so that leads me to assume you have no interest in me. Then you call the wedding off, which I admit did make me hope that something good was going to happen soon, but you never came forward to tell me about it personally. I had to find out from Kevin! So what could I do but assume you either didn't care enough to want to let me know, or that you leaving Roy must not have had anything to do with me and my declaration? How could I possible want to get turned down yet another time?"

She nodded. "Okay, you're right. That was a major mistake on my part. But then we talked on the phone in October and it felt like we were connected again. I was so sure things were going to get better after that call, but when I sent you a text message the next week you ignored me completely."

"It was two weeks later, not one." Jim corrected. "And okay, maybe I should have replied."

"Yes, you should have. When you didn't I started second guessing the call and was afraid you'd think I was bothering you if I made any more contact."

"See this is exactly what I'm talking about," he sighed. "If you would have sent more messages I wouldn't have been able to ignore you. My Pam resistance level has always been dangerously low."

They looked at each other for a moment, wistful at the memories. "So who screwed up next?" Jim asked, bringing his attention back to their list.

"You - like I said before. You came back to Scranton with Karen for protection."

"No. Not until you told me in the parking lot that first night that we, and I'm pretty sure I can quote this, "We are friends - we'll always be friends". And there seemed to me to be a colossal emphasis on the 'always' part."

"There wasn't! You just completely crushed me with your "oh, and I'm sort of seeing someone" line! Just what did you expect me to say? 'Oh no! But I'm in love with you"??" Pam replied defensively. She had tightened her grip on her empty mug with her free hand. "And don't forget you had already shot me down earlier that day when I asked you to go out for a coffee with me."

"Hey," Jim soothed, stroking her held hand with his thumb. "It's okay. Calm down. I didn't bring this topic up to upset you, Beesly. We can change the subject you want."

She sighed, looking slightly embarrassed. "No, I'm sorry. I guess there's never going to come a time when I don't remember how damn frustrating that all was."

"Yes, there will," Jim replied tenderly. "It may take 50 years, but I promise we'll look back and laugh on it all someday. That's kind of why I brought this up. To prove that ultimately all this misunderstanding and angst didn't matter, did it? We still figured it all out in the end."

"No, but it really hurt at the time."

Jim slid his chair around the small cafe table to sit right next to her. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug. "I know it did," he said softly in her ear. "We both were pretty miserable at times, as I recall." He kissed her forehead. "Thank God for Michael Scott."

Pam chuckled. "That's not a sentence you ever expect to hear someone say."

"Tell me about it. But at least his outburst forced us to face the truth."

Pam nodded, then looked at her watch. "We probably should get back home. I think some of the flowers are being dropped off at our house this afternoon."

Jim gave her a look that could still made her feel flustered and weak after all this time. "Think if we leave now we'll have some alone time before that happens?"

"I think we better if you expect me to survive today," she smiled.

Jim cleared off their table, throwing the trash away and placing the mugs on the return counter. He tucked the list into his pocket, then helped Pam into her coat, opening the door for her as they left the coffee shop. He took her hand again as they walked out in to the brisk morning air.

"So shouldn't we make another list of all the things we've each done right?" Pam asked.

He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "Given our plans tomorrow, don' t you think that's a little unnecessary?"

She smiled up at him. "Well I guess I just don't want the only written record to be what we did wrong. You'd never guess we actually made it if you just have the idiot list. Which, by the way, I'm still pretty sure I was winning."

He laughed loudly. "If by winning you mean you had the longest list. I'm pretty sure all the blame can eventually be tied back to you, anyway."

"Oh really? How so?" She challenged.

"Because ultimately everything I ever did was a reaction to loving you."

"Wow, Halpert." She laughed. "I bet you're feeling pretty pleased with yourself over that one. Too bad I'm not buying it."

He leaned down and nuzzled her ear. "What a shame. And I was pretty sure you were going to like what I wanted as my prize."

"Hmm." she pouted, unable to resist smiling. "I still think we should make the other list."

"Well how about we work on that list over our honeymoon?" Jim suggested, "I mean, I'm sure we'll have plenty of free time on our hands with two weeks in Paris."
She giggled. "I don't think so," she said. "If we're not busy enjoying the sights, then I damn well better be busy enjoying you."

"You are such a hussy, Beesly," Jim grinned.

"Better get used to calling me Halpert as of tomorrow."

"Never," he said, putting his arm around her as they walked to the car. "You will always be Beesly to me."



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