Pam stays at the office late one evening to finish up some extra work. After a quick break, she comes out of the bathroom, through the kitchen, and into the hush of the almost-empty office. As she does, she walks in on something she'd hoped she would never have to witness. Jim and Karen, the only ones left in the office, are getting ready to leave, and Pam just catches the end of what looks like a Keep Away game of Jim's keys. And when he wrestles them out of Karen's hand, he leans in at the same time, and kisses her- sweetly and playfully. The kiss lingers until Karen starts laughing into Jim's mouth and Pam feels like she's going to throw up. Pam can't help the surprised "Oh!" that escapes her, and when she hears herself, she wants to run, but she seems to be glued to the floor. Jim and Karen both turn towards her, and Pam's eyes meet with Jim's for a split second. Her mouth opens and closes and then finally lets out a wordless sound- something like "uhm..."- and then she ducks her head and walks away quickly. So much for making an escape without being seen.

Before she walks a few steps, she hears Jim calling her name with his voice full of concern and apology. She doesn't look back. She feels her face contorting with grief as she reaches the outside hallway. She hadn't expected to have this reaction. She had thought she could handle it, since she'd already known the relationship existed. But knowing about it in an abstract way is apparently nothing like actually witnessing it- witnessing him use the same lips to kiss someone else as he'd once used to kiss her. Though she has no right, she has always claimed those parts of him- anything that had touched her body as he'd kissed her that one time- as her own.

She's walking quickly, out the office door to the stairwell, where she descends the stairs, reaches the first landing, and stands with her back against the wall- head bowed, hand to her mouth, face still crumpled with emotion. But she refuses to let it out, to let it take over her. She will not cry over this, she thinks. But even as she's thinking it, she's quickly loosing the battle and the sobs start to softly burst from her. In the midst of her restrained crying, she hears Jim's voice murmuring her name right in front of her. She opens her eyes. She hadn't even heard him come after her, and yet, there he is, standing there and looking at her with his eyes full of concern, and hurt, and a thousand other emotions.

She thinks about denying what's going on, of just asking him to leave her alone and of just walking away, but the truth is that she needs him. After he'd come back from Stamford, they had slowly repaired their friendship, and he is still her best friend. So as she stands against the wall, staring up at him with wet eyes, hiccuping breaths racking her body every few seconds, she briefly ponders the realization that though he is the one who had hurt her, he's the only one she wants and needs comfort from. She's so, so tired of playing games and denying her feelings for him just because he's with someone else. She tilts her head to the side slightly, chokes out his name followed by a shaky sigh, and then lets her head fall forward to his chest where she finally lets go, and sobs out her heartbreak into his shirtfront.

--------

His arms are instantly around her, his hands are splayed across her back, warm and soothing. At this contact, she fully collapses against him, still crying hopeless sobs that tear his heart up. He knows he should be angry; he should be asking her what right she has to act this way after denying her feelings for him so many months ago. And truthfully, he is angry. He's a thousand different things, and he doesn't know how to handle it all, so he stands there with his arms wrapped around her, softly stroking her back, and wishing she would stop crying.

As he feels her hands ball into fists, twisting into his shirt, he realizes that in any other situation, he would know exactly what this is about. He would know that this is all about Pam being in love with him, and being deeply hurt by seeing him kissing another woman mere months after he'd confessed his love to her.

But things are so screwed up. He knows he loves Pam as much as he ever had, but even though he'd felt her love for him when she'd let down her defenses for a second and kissed him back so many months ago, she had still vehemently denied it, never contacted him after she broke up with Roy, and then she'd vocally enforced the fact that they would always be "friends". So what is this? Just simple regret that she hadn't wanted to give them a try? Jealousy over seeing him with someone else? Or is it something more? something deeper? He needs to hear her say something. To admit something. He subconsciously tightens his arms around her, as if trying to implore her without words to just say it.

He soon feels her sobs subsiding, and she lifts her face to him with her chin still resting on his chest, her nose sniffling, her cheeks still wet with tears, and he feels pressure of tears pressing behind his eyes at the sight of her looking so broken. His right hand seems to float up of its own volition, and the pad of his thumb gently wipes the tears away on both sides of her face. She smiles faintly. Their mouths are less than an inch apart.

--------

"I got your shirt all wet," she says quietly, and her breath hitches a little after the last word.

Jim just nods seriously and watches Pam's face fall again.

"I need to know what this is about," he says, stepping back from her a couple of inches and staring into her eyes.

She thinks about denying it, about avoidance, about standing still or running in the opposite direction- everything that she's been doing since last Spring- and it's all a total lie. She is too tired to hold up the false facade. She's sick of the constant longing, of being too scared to say something.

She suddenly feels her whole body relax, and then as easy as it had been to kiss him back on Casino Night, she says, "Jim, I love you." Her voice is scratchy, hoarse from crying, and her head tilts to the side a little, watching his face. He stands still, unflinching, his eyes dart to the wall above her left shoulder and stare, his mouth is pursed into a tight, closed "O". She becomes aware that she's trembling. She watches as he blinks a few times, concentrating on him so hard she could almost hear his eyelids hitting together, the ruffle of his eyelashes. She watches him swallow once, and then he finally looks at her and tears are standing out in his eyes. She lets out the breath she hadn't even known she was holding, because though the look on his face could mean any of a hundred different things to the casual observer, Pam knows Jim better than anyone. She steps forward to lean into his chest once more as he brings his arms around her and rests his chin on her head. She could feel him shaking, too.

"Jim?" she asks in a tiny, exhausted voice.

"Hmm?"

"Can you say it again?"

"What?" he asks, leaning back from her a little to look at her.

"I just need to hear that you still feel the same way," she says, and her throat is becoming constricted with emotion again.

"Oh, Pam, of course," he whispers, tightening his arms around her. "Of course I still love you." 

She nods into his chest and sighs.

After a few moments, he quickly tightens and then releases his grip on her. "Well, there's a conversation I have to have with...someone," he says, sighing as he steps back from her a little, his hands sliding down to hers, weaving their fingers together. She nods somberly. Karen had become her friend over the past couple of months, and despite the intense relief and joy she's feeling about a new beginning with Jim, she doesn't like to think of how hurt Karen will be by the whole situation.

"Call me after?" she asks.

"Of course," he says, and leans his head down to kiss her- a series of impossibly soft kisses that tell her how much he loves her; leaving her with weak knees and butterflies in her stomach.

Their hands reluctantly slide apart as he steps away, neither wanting to let go. But this time, the same action that had seemingly marked the end for them months ago, now marks a new beginning.