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Author's Chapter Notes:

This takes place immediately after Casino Night.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters and I'm not making any money off this. Just my little escape from reality.

Pam stared in the mirror for a good five minutes before taking her hair down. She wasn't that old. Why did she look it now? You know damn well why, a small voice in her head answered.


She washed her face, the small amount of makeup she wore slipping off. Sometimes she felt the mask she wore all day fade away too. Swirling down the drain and letting her be herself for such a small moment in time. I can be me tomorrow, she would think to herself. After ten years of feeling like someone else, I will be me. But then reality settled in and so did the fear. Roy knew this Pam, not the real Pam. He wouldn't accept the real Pam.


She could never be herself with Roy. Slowly, for the last three years, she had come to realize this. He didn't allow her to open up, be the strong woman she really was deep down. The artist she loved to be. The excitable, kind, and passionate person she always had been. With Roy, she was dull. She was boring sweaters and white Keds. She answered phones, transferred calls, and sat at her desk from nine until five.


But tonight...


Tonight had stirred her. The only person who could ever bring her true self out was Jim, and he had done it again tonight. His confession had shocked her and his kiss electrified her. He had started the slow deterioration of the fake Pam three years ago and after tonight she knew she could never go back to the way she used to be.


She turned the faucet off and wandered into the bedroom. She didn't know why she told him she would still marry Roy. She was so unsure now. Jim brought out the best in her and Roy, the worst.


Maybe, she thought, as she climbed into bed, maybe if I sleep on it, I'll feel better tomorrow.



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