As Roy drove away, Pam felt like all was right with the world. She couldn't keep the smile she'd been sporting all night off her face. She felt so happy and pretty and just perfect.
She twirled around and smiled at Jim.
She thought to herself that he looked pretty dashing tonight as well. Black is a good color on him, she thought.
“Hey, how's it going?” Jim asked, looking down at his shoes.
She smirked feeling a bit giddy after winning so many rounds of poker. She even won a hand playing Kevin, and even though he looked really depressed afterwards, she still felt a bit proud. Nothing could ruin this night, she thought.
“Good. Especially after I took all your money in poker.” She twiddled her thumbs and hopped a bit on her toes.
Jim laughed “Uh...hey, can I talk to you about something?”
He looks too serious, she thought. He wasn't acting like his usual self and she figured he needed some cheering up.
“About when you wanna give me more of your money? Did you wanna do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kinda good tonight.” She didn't let him talk, until she saw something in his eyes that told her to stop.
“I was just, um...” He looked into her eyes as she looked up expectantly at him. She saw something change and he shook his head a bit before continuing his sentence.
“I was talking to Jan. And she offered me a promotion. And I took it?” He said the last part in the form of a question, like he was asking if she understood.
Pam smiled and laughed, leaning to the side and holding out her hands. “That's great! Are you above Dwight now, because that would be awesome.” She said, whispering conspiratorially.
He smiled and shook his head. “Actually, it's a transfer. I'm... transferring to another office.” He stopped and looked up, his eyes glued to hers.
Pam could feel her face fall, so she quickly changed it and opened her eyes wide. “That's... Where is it? I mean, where are you going?” Her voice caught on the last word.
“Um, Stamford. I'm leaving in a week.” He bit his bottom lip and she thought she saw a tear in his eye, but she told herself she was seeing things.
She swallowed hard, ignored the feeling in the pit of her stomach and smiled. “That's great! I mean, congratulations!” She grabbed him in a tight hug before she could stop herself.
He tensed up, giving her a friendly pat on the back. Pam held on, feeling like if she let go and he saw her face she would have to explain why there was a tear coming out of her eye. And she couldn't even explain that to herself.
Jim hugged her closer then, and right then Pam felt sick. She pulled back and nodded, not knowing what else to do.
“I mean, I'll miss you. Who else is going to help me ruin Dwight's life?” She said, talking her way out of her tears.
He laughed, looking down. Somehow she had grabbed his hand in the process of pulling away and she felt his thumb graze over her engagement ring.
“I just wanted you to be the first to know.” He said, letting go of her hand.
She let it fall limply at her side and nodded again. “Yeah, I mean that's a great opportunity for you.” She suddenly wished she had left with Roy. She really wanted to just be in bed at home then.
She looked up into his eyes and he looked down into hers. Her heart started beating faster. She had never realized how dark his eyes were.
“Is that... all you wanted to tell me?” She said softly. She felt like if she said the words too loud she would break into a million pieces.
He stayed silent, his eyes staring into hers. After what felt like a year, he shook his head and scrunched up his lips the way he did. “Yeah. That's it.”
“Okay.” She smiled. “Let's go, I only have so much time then to collect from Bank Halpert.” She laughed and turned around.
She needed him behind her so he wouldn't see her let the stray tears fall.
.........
Pam was supposed to be on her honeymoon. Instead she sat in her brand new apartment, on a old hand-me-down couch her mother had given her. It had tones of orange and yellow in between the patterns of flowers on the fabric. She thought it was so ugly it had to have come from the seventies.
The low hum of the television echoed throughout the apartment like a lonely voice in her head. She found she had the tv or the radio on a lot lately.
She sighed, pulling a photo album out of the box in front of her. Opening it to a page in the middle, she saw Roy's smiling face staring up at her. She closed it quickly, swallowing a lump in her throat.
She hated hurting him. But it had been two weeks before their wedding date when she told him she didn't want to go through with it. He hadn't understood, and told her he had made a big sacrifice when he finally set the date. She didn't even want to ask what the sacrifice was, she just told him she was sorry and that she was leaving that week.
He had called her a couple times since then, drunk and rambling. She never thought he would care so much if they ever broke up, she just thought he would get over it and move on.
He kept asking her why. And she had no answer for him. It just felt like it was the right thing to do, she thought. And she didn't know why.
The phone rang then and she leaned over to pick it up off the cardboard box it was set on.
“Hello?” Pam answered.
“Hey.” Jim replied.
Pam smiled. She had talked to Jim a lot since he moved to Stamford. She had started calling him, and even though at first he sounded like he was too busy to talk, he started calling her more and more after a while.
“What are you up to?” Pam leaned back against the couch, putting her feet on the box in front of her and relaxing.
“Oh, nothing. The bikini models just left, ya know. Trying to wipe all this bubble stuff off the floor.” He said, his tone sarcastic.
“Haha. Really, what's up?” She asked.
“Nothing, really. Work's good. I've gotten used to the place. Met some cool people. There's this one girl who sits behind me, Karen. She's really nice.” He paused, as if asking for her to say something.
Pam felt a sharp pain in her stomach, and, ignoring it, replied. “Oh, yeah? Are you gunna ask her out?”
Jim laughed. “I don't know. Maybe. You think I should? I mean, you're the one to go to for love advice, right?”
His words cut through her like a knife and she thought of Roy's smiling face in the album on her lap.“You know, I need to go. I still have a lot of unpacking to do.”
“Oh, Pam. Don't, I didn't mean it like that.” He tried to apologize, his tone of voice softening.
“No, really, it's okay. I just need to go. Goodnight, Jim.”
“Goodnight, Pam.”
She hung up the phone and sighed. She picked up the photo album and stood up, making her way to her bedroom.
Walking across the room, a picture fell out of the album and she stopped to pick it up. She found herself looking into the eyes of 17 year old Jim, in his yearbook picture. She felt the familiar rush of loneliness wash over her, and she quickly pushed it in between the pages of the album.
She took it into her bedroom and placed it on the shelf in her closet, behind some boxes of miscellaneous stuff she never needed but always kept.
Story Notes:
This is the prologue of a multi chapter fic following the idea that Jim never told Pam how he felt, but transferred anyway. How will Pam react and will she figure out what she really wants out of life on her own? Each chapter includes unseen moments from season 3 episodes.
The Office and it's characters do not belong to me.
